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So what would you do?

My husband told me recently that he had a year relationship, when he was in high school, with a gay friend. He also told me when he was in the Army he had a 2 month relationship with another gay friend. Then with his first wife, he had cheated on her 3 different times, 1 with a woman friend and twice with the same male friend he met in the army. But he tells me he was drunk and that he is not interested in men. Yet he makes jokes that I feel hetero men don't make. He says he loves me and wants to work on our marriage. But I just feel like it is not working out, we have 2 young children and have been married 8 years. What do you think?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 4:54 PM on Jun. 1, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (13)
  • It sounds like he's at least bi, and not being fully honest with himself.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:56 PM on Jun. 1, 2010

  • I think you are married to a gay man.
    Orionsgirl

    Answer by Orionsgirl at 4:57 PM on Jun. 1, 2010

  • I think him saying he was drunk is just an excuse, if my husband ever got drunk he still wouldn't want to sleep with men. I don't know what I would do if I were in that situation it's hard to say when your not, but you have some major thinking to do, I know for sure I wouldn't be able to trust him ever again

    looovemybabies

    Answer by looovemybabies at 4:59 PM on Jun. 1, 2010

  • Straight men do not just get drunk and have sex with another man. He is lieing to you and himself. If he is not gay he is BI.
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 5:02 PM on Jun. 1, 2010

  • wow, this is a tough one. I'd be very hurt if I were you. Just because this is something that was kept from you all these years after you've built a life with him. I really don't know what to think, if he's dedicated to your lives together and has never given you a reason to doubt him then you could just chalk it up to him being curious and a bit lost at the time of those affairs. It's still very weird though, usually hetero men wouldn't even let themselves fall into questionable situations with men, most hetero men I know are just about homophobes actually, so I think maybe he's not being honest with himself.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:04 PM on Jun. 1, 2010

  • he sounds like a male slut. cheated on his wife 3 times? gross
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:11 PM on Jun. 1, 2010

  • maybe he's not being honest with himself and you may want to seek help for him and maybe even file for divorce. I couldnt stay married to a man who sexuality was questionable and who has had known relationships with men...
    jazmya_mom

    Answer by jazmya_mom at 5:11 PM on Jun. 1, 2010

  • I say he's bi confused. but in either case b sure to keep up with ur HIV/STD check ups, esp if u feel like he's been cheaing on u. if not seek professional help for him to work out his underlying issues. cuz drunk str8 men fight gay men, they dnt sleep with them!!
    Allynmj

    Answer by Allynmj at 5:19 PM on Jun. 1, 2010

  • I would think that I married either a bi-sexual man or a gay man who is not comfortable with his own sexuality. And he is not ready to admit his sexuality to himself much less anyone else.
    pixie_trix

    Answer by pixie_trix at 5:20 PM on Jun. 1, 2010

  • He isn't interested but he keeps going back to the guy? I think he's interested. He just doesn't want you telling anyone in the military that he's doing that out of fear he'll get kicked out. He's probably bi and not really gay. If that is a deal breaker for you then be honest with him since he sounds like he's being honest with you. I'd tell him to make sure he uses a condom if he messes with that guy again. He doesn't need to bring you back anything.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 5:46 PM on Jun. 1, 2010

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