Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

please give me your advice i very much need a second oppinion

im currenly 21 and im about to be a new mom to a wonderful baby boy with a man whom im head over heals in love with, yet i seem to feel very alone, like im going to end up on my own, scard he doesnt care about the baby or myself, he hasnt kept a job in the last 2 moths every weeks he gets a job and loses it or quits for some dumb ass reason, i dont know what i can do to make him understand what he does doent only effect him but me his wife and our soon to be here baby boy, and im afrid to make the wrong decision my asking him to leave

Answer Question
 
ljgmmy

Asked by ljgmmy at 10:51 PM on Jun. 1, 2010 in Relationships

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (9)
  • Why would you be in love with a "man" that can't even keep a job?And why have a baby with him? He needs to grow up and your nagging isn't going to make it happen. If you're not married to him, kick him out.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:53 PM on Jun. 1, 2010

  • I was kind of in the same situation. I had my son at 21 with my boyfriend (now fiance) of like 6 years on and off. He was very immature and was working a seasonal job at a golf course, making $4.15 an hour plus tips, all because he wanted to be able to golf for free. Once our son was born, I was just not okay with his immaturity anymore. I thought he was realized that his job wasn't enough on his own, but he didn't. After weeks of fighting, I basically told him to either get a better job, or I was gone. Well he did. He is now a manager of a jewelry store making $14 an hour plus commission. Sometimes an ultimatum works, and sometimes it doesn't. You just have to figure out the best way to get through to him. Good luck.
    Ash9724

    Answer by Ash9724 at 11:00 PM on Jun. 1, 2010

  • Well, my first thought when I was reading this.. I was wondering if the person you're so head over heels for is ready your unborn baby? And if he was, he would have been so focused on earning $$$ for you family. If he can't keep a job less than every week, maybe you need to rethink your future and that means put yourself and your baby boy first. And you WONT be feeling so alone when that lil baby boy arrives.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:00 PM on Jun. 1, 2010

  • i agree with ash
    eva123

    Answer by eva123 at 11:04 PM on Jun. 1, 2010

  • Well assuming he's close to your age... making him understand that he is now responsible for a life isn't something you are going to be able to do. That is something that will only come with maturity. He obviously isn't showing he is mature enough to take care of you and this baby if he can't even hold down a job.

    Mommy4000

    Answer by Mommy4000 at 12:21 AM on Jun. 2, 2010

  • Don't ask him to leave, ask him to get a job and stick with it. DOn't leave it unless he has another job lined up.
    txdaniella

    Answer by txdaniella at 12:21 AM on Jun. 2, 2010

  • You can't make him realize it. If he's too stupid to have realized it already, then all you CAN do is throw cold water on him by leaving.

    Better to be on your own than with an irresponsible mate. There's NOTHING wrong with being alone for a while while you figure out who YOU are and why the heck you settled for someone so irresponsible. It will help you learn to stand on your own two feet...and that is when someone decent will happen along. That someone MIGHT end up being this guy if he grows some brains. But put yourself in a position where you can be on your own first.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 2:59 AM on Jun. 2, 2010

  • This is why I left my DD's bio dad. I was totally Ok with him being a 'loser' working part-time, smoking pot, etc until I got preggo and had my DD. Then something changed in me and I felt he needed to change too. I tried to change him, which was dumb you can't change someone. So I left him. 4.5 years later, he still works part-time, gets stoned everyday only now he is a bad father too. I do think I handled my situation wrong by trying to FORCE him to change rather then giving him a choice. I agree with Ash9724, try an ultimatum. Sometimes being a father doesn't really kick in until they are sitting there holding their child and can't afford diapers... GL
    leslie_zoe2010

    Answer by leslie_zoe2010 at 12:43 PM on Jun. 2, 2010

  • I agree with lesile zoe2010, it doesn't kick in somethimes until they can't afford to put food on the table or buy diapers. if it gets too bad I would suggest going to stay with a friend or family member and give him a choice either get a better job or you and the baby are not comiing back. See how he takes it then sometimes men need a smack over the head before they see clearly, good luck !!
    countrygirl06

    Answer by countrygirl06 at 2:53 PM on Jun. 2, 2010

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.
close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN