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What to do...

My DH has been out of work for some time. Although he COULD go back to his old job, he doesn't want to. The money was OKay, but not great. So he wants to look in to a river barge job. It will pay really well and have great insurance, BUT, he will be away from home for a week at a time, and then home for a week at a time.

Now, we have 2 small children (3 &4) and a third on the way this winter. I have really bad BPD type 2, so it's really bad depression most of the time... Frankly even when he only worked 8 hours a day I would cry when he left, it was really that bad.

His point is this would bring in a GREAT income and have GREAT benefits... But I don't know if I can do a week without him - I'm crying just thinking about it.

I don't even want him to look in to it! But I want to support him...
What do I do? We do need the income, but somethings aren't worth all the money in the world - what to do??

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 11:16 PM on Jun. 1, 2010 in Money & Work

Answers (10)
  • Speak to your doctor and get medical help so that you can function day to day. Sometimes we have to do what we have to do to support our families.

    Answer by SAHMinIL2 at 11:34 PM on Jun. 1, 2010

  • My thing is this is FAR from his only option. Jobs here are very plentiful! He could easily go back to his old job, or get any number of other jobs... I feel like he is trying to abandon us and use money as an excuse... He said if I need help I can just hire a nanny, which I'm not against. But these kids NEED their dad - they ask for him every 10 mins he's gone, all day long... and cry for ever when he leaves...

    And as for medical help - I've tried, nothing works. There is only one doctor in the area and he told me there are no more medication options... So I don't think I could do that if I wanted!

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:39 PM on Jun. 1, 2010

  • You gotto do what you got to do...try to tough it out for your families sake.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:57 PM on Jun. 1, 2010

  • You need to be in therpy for your depression.

    Answer by rkoloms at 5:48 AM on Jun. 2, 2010

  • PP is right, you should be in therapy for your depression. Has it occurred to you that the reason your children are so needy for your husband is because thats how you've taught them to react to him leaving? Everytime you cry when he leaves, they learn to do the same. IMO, he should take a job close to home while you get into counseling for your own issues and then when you are back on your feet, go for a high pay/great benefit one even if it means he'll be gone a little bit.

    Answer by Aqua_Jen at 9:47 AM on Jun. 2, 2010

  • how do you know its depression people? how do you know its not anxiety? this does not sound like depression to me.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:22 AM on Jun. 2, 2010

  • Hey you know, i had this problem with hubby, and the doctors said it was not depression. it was anxiety. there are some over the counter herbs that can help.

    being with other people helped, drink some calming teas through out the day helped too. clearing your mind helps too. ournal writting etc...

    This does not sound like depression to me at all.

    Answer by IraqiVetWife at 10:25 AM on Jun. 2, 2010

  • oh and my hubby was talking about truck driving, i confirmed with other truck drivers, jobs like these are not healthy for families.

    you are right no amount of money is worth that.

    I phorbade huuby to go back in after his temporary medical discharge. with kids and a wife, its just not the way.

    Answer by IraqiVetWife at 10:27 AM on Jun. 2, 2010

  • if you rely on your husband's presence to manage your illness, that's probably not the best option for YOU. what if something happened to him? you would need to find another way... i'm not at all trying to upset you or suggest that's the only reason you need to get some help for yourself - there are lots of reasons. get some help, get a whole support system, not one person, etc. sounds like you feel like you need to make a choice between what you see as best for you and best for your family, but if you can find a way to change your perspective and see this as an opportunity for you to learn to manage your illness and become a stronger person, which in turn benefits you and your family, that might be good. in my area there is a free bipolar support group - check with your local (county?) mental health board and just google for resources - sometimes this stuff is hard to find without knowing where to look, but there is help

    Answer by figaro8895 at 11:08 AM on Jun. 2, 2010

  • OP here - I said in the post it's BiPolar Disorder - type 2, so it's mostly Depression, but Anxiety and other things come hand in hand. I also have Fibromyalgia and some other health issues as well.

    As for "getting help" there isn't any here. I've been through the one and only doctor here. His answer was just take a pill - when that one didn't work - try another pill. He refused to let me see a therapist, and without his referral my insurance won't pay the $200/hr that a therapist costs. But the dr. said that therapy can't help, I need pills... But none of them worked, and a few of them almost killed me because of the side effects and reactions I had. It's just not an option... I wish it was! But that is our county mental health office - and there aren't others available here...

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:47 AM on Jun. 2, 2010

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