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Still struggling with my feelings about all this...best friend accidently burnt my baby...

I went out this weekend, in much need of away time due to my mental instability getting worse as of recently (it was getting to the point my therapist wanted me to consider an in-patient stay for awhile - aka the loony bin). Anyway, it took all I had to finally go out & enjoy myself. I let my best friend, who I trust with my life & my husband has known since they were in diapers, watch my babe while we were gone. She's watched him before & all was good, so I had no worries what-so-ever about her watching him this time. Well, when we returned home Monday morning we returned to my husband's grandmother watching our baby, who happened to have blistered burns on his face! It turns out it was an accident, she didn't know not to heat the bottle in the microwave & overheated it...she freaked & called his grandma & was MIA until today because of it...but even though accidents happen, I'm pissed, yet feel like I'm the bad mommy! (CONT)

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 4:51 AM on Jun. 2, 2010 in General Parenting

Answers (12)
  • (CONT) I feel like if I had never gone out in the first place this never would have happened! But at the same time I am furious with my friend for letting this happen, even though it's not like she took a torch & burnt him on purpose...IDK, I don't know how I'm suppose to feel about this...I'm not sure if my feelings either way are even justified! What would you do? This is my closest friend who made a mistake, something we're all entitled to...& I was away trying to give myself a boost so I can be the best mom possible for my son...but it all got messed up & now I'm feeling just as bad, but for different reasons...!! Can someone give me something...I'm going crazy here!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:54 AM on Jun. 2, 2010

  • First of all calm down it was an accident.And did you show her how to correctly make the bottle not everyone knows how. You deserve some me time and if i didn't get it once in a while i would be in the looney bin LOL. Call and talk to ur friend this would be such a waste of a friendship on such a minor thing. You know she feels worse than you do I am sure.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:58 AM on Jun. 2, 2010

  • 1 dont blame yourself you are allowed to have your own time ...
    2 dont blame your friend, im sure she feels HORRIBLE. accidents happen and i know its your baby and you are very protective, but it was an accident it may take some time to realize that and accept it and you may not talk to your friend like you used to for a while, which is normal. but try not to let it really ruin your relationship she probably feels SO BAD.... i know i would :( but your emotions are normal.
    MomNbabyGirl009

    Answer by MomNbabyGirl009 at 4:59 AM on Jun. 2, 2010

  • (OP) I know she feels horrible...I mean, she went MIA because she was so freaked. I had shown her how to make a bottle before, & she's made many in the past for him when I would get sick or when I had my gallbladder removed & my husband had to work...she said she just made some in advance this time & refrigerated them, so decided a quick pop in the microwave would be fine...she didn't know, I get that... I just feel so overwhelmed by it all. He's never had a boo-boo before, & here I am looking at a blistered burnt baby (it squirted on his face- he has blisters all over his eyelid, eyebrow, & cheek)...the doctor says he's fine, that it looks worse than it is...but it's my baby! I wasn't here to protect him! Why does this all hurt so bad? I know he'll get better & all will be well in the end...but it's overwhelming & still weighing very heavy on me...
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:04 AM on Jun. 2, 2010

  • i understand what you are saying but you canNOT blame yourself, accidents happen!
    i let my nephew roll off the bed when he was an infant..i felt SO bad. :( but even then i knew accidents happened. and my sister understood that too.
    MomNbabyGirl009

    Answer by MomNbabyGirl009 at 5:07 AM on Jun. 2, 2010

  • You did protect him.

    You arranged for someone you trust to watch him. You took him to the doctor. You did what every other mother does. Please do not be so hard on yourself.

    As for your friend, it sounds like she learned a valuable lesson and will never repeat that mistake again.

    The only other thing for any of you to do, is to learn what the proper first aid is for burns. Cool water.
    She very well could have done that. So, she probably did the right thing too. (ask her what she did right after it and point out she did the right thing too).

    My son fell down a whole flight of stairs on Christmas the year he turned 3, I think he was all hyper on candy. Accidents happen.
    kjrn79

    Answer by kjrn79 at 7:22 AM on Jun. 2, 2010

  • Don't feel bad...it was just an accident.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:55 AM on Jun. 2, 2010

  • Yes, don't blame yourself! You are allowed to take a break now and then! Just the fact that you are worrying about taking that break from your child is one reason that you are a good mom! :-) As for your friend, she was probably devestated! Imagine burning a friend's child... she was probably horrified. But you can't turn back time. Ask your baby's doctor how you can encourage the wound to heal... maybe with some neosporin or something (ask first!) It will be okay! Continue to take the occasional break and go out, and I would even have that same friend watch your child again... because no one will be more careful with the baby than someone who already made a mistake! Maybe this time, write out a short note of directions (how to heat the bottle, what to do, when to do it) that way she doesn't forget. A hug to your friend will probably make you both feel better!!!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:45 AM on Jun. 2, 2010

  • Umm what do you mean she went MIA? As in she freaked out & left town & just came back or has been avoiding you since this happened? I understand it was an accident & yes accidents do happen but how she reacted to this accident is NOT okay! Why didn't she call you? How did she know he didn't need immediate treatment? Good for her for calling someone who could actually deal w/ an emergency. If it were my friend we'd move past this but she'd NEVER watch my kid alone again. Not bc of what happened but bc of how she dealt w/ it. A baby gets burned & her reaction is to take off! WTF!?!? If she would've immediately called me & asked me what to do in the situation I'd feel differently. WHY DIDN'T SHE CALL YOU!?!?
    Nyx7

    Answer by Nyx7 at 9:17 AM on Jun. 2, 2010

  • I agree with Nyx7. You shouldn't feel bad and even if it was an accident, I'd be more prone to forgive if my friend didn't just leave my baby and run off. Especially if she was suppose to be the one to watch the baby. I'd be more upset about how she reacted - than the actual accident.
    And I'm sure your baby will be okay. My oldest used to roll off the bed all the time. My bed was low to the ground and there was blankets in the floor but she'd just roll. Every time. I felt guilty but she never cried (probably because it felt like falling on a cloud - with all the blankets and clothes). Things happen and we as Mom's feel guilty. I still feel guilty about things but I try not to dwell because it's not healthy.
    Blubuni99

    Answer by Blubuni99 at 10:49 AM on Jun. 2, 2010

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