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another man

would you confess to your husband ? approx 6yrs ago my husband and i were going through some issues in bed . i wanted sex and he didn't . felt more like i was married to a stranger. so i met a man in a chatroom and met up . i gave him a bj and then stopped because i felt guilty. i decided to work on my husband. never met up with this man ever again changed my cell number . sinse then my husband an i are doing great . but i still feel guilty and sick to my stomache about what happened . should i confess or move on ?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 3:53 PM on Jun. 2, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (13)
  • Confess, you won't feel better until you do. Your DH also deserves to know where his wife has been...

    Answer by leslie_zoe2010 at 3:55 PM on Jun. 2, 2010

  • HELL NO don't confess and you will NOT feel better if you do. What purpose would it serve ? It would only hurt your husband. Keep that secret with you. Just spend the rest of your life making up for that mistake. Personally I think it was his fault anyway but that's not the issue. You want my advice, Do NOT tell him. It just sounds like a hurtful thing to do and a woman that would confess that after all these years is just looking for attention and drama. That's my opinion for what it's worth. Men don't forgive as easily as women do. Why damage a relationship now if it's going well? A one time bj isn't even worth the guilt, imho

    Answer by admckenzie at 4:01 PM on Jun. 2, 2010

  • I would tell DH and I were having probelms last summer we have been together 10 years married 7 and I mean I didn't do the things you did, but I almost did. There is an x boyfriend of mine that has a myspace account and I added him as a friend we started talking found out he hangs out at a friends house down the street from me so he came over a couple times and we were planning on having sex the next time he came over, but then I felt guilty and I couldn't do it to my DH so I told DH. We were having probelms in bed as well he never wanted sex, but once a month maybe 2 times a month after telling him and telling him the reason I almost had sex with this other guy or love for eachother is stronger than ever and our sex life is stronger than ever he gives it to me at least every few days now. So now I have no reason to cheat lol. So yes I would tell him and talk to him tell him why you did this good luck

    Answer by mommy5409 at 4:02 PM on Jun. 2, 2010

  • admckenzie - I totally see where you are coming from. It does seem pointless to bring something up after this long, but it is the right thing to do. You don't keep secrets from your husband, at least not in a healthy relationship. I cheated on my ex husband and didn't tell him until after we were divorced. When I did I felt like I was finally doing right by him. He deserved to know that I broke my vows and he deserved to know how sorry I was.

    Answer by leslie_zoe2010 at 4:07 PM on Jun. 2, 2010

  • I agree with admackenzie. What good will come of it by telling him? You stopped yourself, nothing further ever came of it. Your relationship is doing better now.Just forgive yourself and move on with your life with your husband.

    Answer by kimberlyinberea at 4:15 PM on Jun. 2, 2010

  • I agree with admackenzie.

    If you are a religious person, pray to God for forgiveness.

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:34 PM on Jun. 2, 2010

  • I read somewhere that the only one that ever ends up feeling good about confessing something like this is the person doing it. Leave it alone and know that your guilt is just something you will need to live with, think of it as "punishment" I guess:) Good luck.

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:47 PM on Jun. 2, 2010

  • If things are really better now then I wouldn't tell.

    Answer by MaryMW at 4:48 PM on Jun. 2, 2010

  • If you confess, you will ruin what you have now and be more unhappy than you were when you cheated. Keep quiet. Move on. Treat him well because you screwed up. But don't screw it up worse by confessing.

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:27 PM on Jun. 2, 2010

  • gave a bj to a complete stranger that you met in a chat room...I'm pretty sure that you were not the first woman to chat with him and give him a bj...therefore, you don't know if this stranger had a disease that can eventually turn your lips, throat and tongue green...he was a complete stranger!!! What if you gave a disease to your husband from a complete strasnger????? OMG what if your dh continues to have issues in the bedroom, will you continue giving bj to complete strangers and then feel guilty?

    This isn't an issue of telling your dh that you cheated...this is an issue of morals and values...

    Answer by mom2mybabes at 5:38 PM on Jun. 2, 2010

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