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is your flame dying?

i have been married for almost 6years my husband is in the military so he stays gone all the just seems lately our relationship has gotten so boring.its like the romance is gone.when he comes home the lovemaking is just straight fucking no more caressing holding.even our phone conversations are so stagnant i have to initiate everything as far as "do you miss me?"he just dosent verbally say it.i just told him our relationship 'sucks"i am starving for that affection he used to have for me and even more so that he stays gone all the time.i cant get him to see i am STARVING for his affection i tell him all the time he just dosent listen.........what do i do?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 7:59 PM on Jun. 2, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (12)
  • it has been 5 years for me and my husband and we are basically in a boring routine -- sometimes its nice to have that same routine but somtimes I crave some passion lol...

    Like i guess he is different froms yours because we still say I love you and I miss you, but usually it is just on the phone or when leaving....

    But we can go days without even noticing that it has been days since we have even kissed and basically we have to schedule sex...

    Answer by glamomomo at 8:07 PM on Jun. 2, 2010

  • Welcome to marriage! The marriage gets routine and comfortable past a certain time. I've been married almost 11 years and I love this feeling we have.Passion and romance is fine in the beginning,give me a man worn in like an old shoe anyday!

    Answer by butterflyblue19 at 8:10 PM on Jun. 2, 2010

  • First off, stop telling him that you are starving for his affection. He doesn't sound like the type of guy who responds to emotional conversations. Get yourself some girlfriends and start getting your own interests and hobbies outside of him. When he sees that you are not waiting around desperate for his attention, you will start getting more of it. I'm not trying to be mean, but a lot of men don't like clingyness and they find a woman with her own interests really sexy. I know some would disagree with me, but men sometimes need a little training and yours sounds like he needs some bad.
    Don't always answer the phone when he calls. Let him see that you have a life that doesn't revolve around him. Tell him that you've been going out with friends and having a lot of fun. Act really happy. Watch what happens. He will make more effort.

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:14 PM on Jun. 2, 2010

  • anon 7:14 do you have a man?

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:27 PM on Jun. 2, 2010

  • i am not clingy but i want some attention from my husband i do a lot of things hes gone all the time based on his job. so because of that we have to be inventive......a wife thats desiring her husband and not getting attention ends up getting it from somewhere else....thats what usually happens so instead of me playing that bullshit game of ignore him i am going to be truthful.he is an emotional person but it is just not like it used to be.......i have plenty on my plate 4 kids, nursing school and all the kids activities why is it wrong for me to want some good passion and loving from my husband.he is gone to summer camp will be back in 4 days then two days later he is gone for 6 weeks.......i will not ignore his phone calls because that one call could be the last (for either one of us) that is why so many people have problems now because of these bullshit games....i am and will always be truthful about my feelings.

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:34 PM on Jun. 2, 2010

  • I agree with bluebutterfly19. I've been married 11 years also. The "flame" or "spark" is nice for a while, but then we got comfortable, and that's even better.

    Answer by Pnukey at 8:46 PM on Jun. 2, 2010

  • I don't know what you should do. I'm in the same boat and we've only been married a year. We see each other in passing a lot, but we never have time for each other. We don't know anyone where we live so we never get a sitter and go on dates. We are too bored with each other to talk. Instead of asking for affection and being honest, I pick fights. I think you are doing all you can. I agree that playing games is stupid. Maybe okay in the first couple months of dating, but not in a 6 year old marriage. What I want to do is get a sitter for the day/night. Spend a few hours getting ready..bath, hair, makeup, maybe even shave :), and go out for a nice dinner, comedian, strip club. Anything out of the ordinary and fun. Act like you did the day you met. That would be idea for me, anyway!

    Answer by sunshine58103 at 8:49 PM on Jun. 2, 2010

  • i somewhat agree with anon but then again i don't. i mean it's not like you shouldn't talk with your husband but stop nagging at him about how much your marriage sucks. that really hurts a man. everyone goes through this and you must find a way to keep the spark alive. i don't agree with the head game either but i don't think the solution should only be placed on him after all he is gone most of the time. what can he really do?

    Answer by melody77 at 8:50 PM on Jun. 2, 2010

  • My SO is military and he wouldn't say anything mushy or affectionate to save his life! The closest thing to lovey dovey for him is to say "you should be happy I'm here!" lol I learned that if I want to be with him I have to adjust to him just like he has to adjust to me. It's called compromise. A lot of men settle in to a relationship and don't think it needs anything more than time together. They think we are silly for needing to hear verbalization. They think it is assumed. Just be patient with him and tell him what you need. We just have to train them! The spark can come back. When I feel it fading I just tell SO "fix it" and he does.

    Answer by admckenzie at 8:58 PM on Jun. 2, 2010

  • Anon 7:14 is a smart cookie. Men don't think like women do, so stop expecting it. You can't force it. Have a life of your own. It does tend to make them more attentive when they realize your world does NOT revolve around them.

    Answer by gdiamante at 9:04 PM on Jun. 2, 2010

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