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what would you do if a mother of 3 asked you to take one of her children? (long)

what would you do if a mother of 3 asked you to take one of her children, and sent the other two to other people. (so she is caring for no children) This child is a relative, and he has now lived with you for over a year (had stayed with you off and on for the last 5 plus years) the mother does nothing to contribute or help financially, emotionally, etc. She wants us to bring him to her, and pick him up whenever she wishes. (we have done so.) She has abused drugs her entire life, and still does - however we cannot prove it. The child stayed with her and came home seeming to be on drugs, like we brought home a different child... we had him drug tested at the dr but havent gotten results back yet. We want to adopt him - but have no idea where to start. We are above the income level to use a low-income lawyer, but we just had a baby and cant afford tons of lawyer costs. Advice? What would you do in this situation??

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 3:00 PM on Jun. 3, 2010 in Adoption

Answers (14)
  • i would tell the mother to fuck off anytime she ever ask to see the child

    Answer by shay1130 at 3:02 PM on Jun. 3, 2010

  • Look around for a lawyer, you need to get one. She's going to need to relinquish her rights the child before you can adopt him/her. But your first step is finding a lawyer and getting started that way.

    Answer by TheDiva320 at 3:06 PM on Jun. 3, 2010

  • That would be kidnapping, shay, and that's not going to help the OP at all to get arrested.

    You can call a bunch of lawyer and ask for a free consultation and ask them about their fees.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:11 PM on Jun. 3, 2010

  • I would ask her to relinquish her rights and give her a list of reasons why she should.

    Answer by lowencope at 3:16 PM on Jun. 3, 2010

  • oh btw. If she says no, then give the state a list of reasons why she needs to relinquish her rights. GL

    Answer by lowencope at 3:20 PM on Jun. 3, 2010

  • is there any way we can file to adopt him without asking her, and just taking it to a judge? i dont think she would just say yes... i think she would get mad, and take him from us, and that would be horrible bc she cannot take care of herself to begin with... we dont want to ask her...

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:21 PM on Jun. 3, 2010

  • Unless CPS gets involved (which they won't do unless they believe they have good reason) and gives her lots of chances to straighten up, then terminates her rights, she will have to agree to it. If the drug test comes back positive, you will need to contact CPS. There is no reason why a child should have a positive drug test, so you would have a case.

    I have found that lawyers who specialize in adoption and family law are often willing to answer questions on the phone for free. We've adopted twice, and I don't think we ever paid more than $800 for the lawyer's services.

    Answer by Iamgr8teful at 3:25 PM on Jun. 3, 2010

  • Go to court and get full custody first. At least you will have a legal parental relationship with the child. Then file for CS against the mother and the father, after remind the mother that she will not have to pay CS if she terminates her rights. Also, I think you can go to social services if the mom takes off for more than 3 months to get guardianship. Of course if the drug test comes back positive go to CPS and they will give you custody.

    Answer by matthewscandi at 5:12 PM on Jun. 3, 2010

  • I would think unless she is willing to give up her rights there is not much you can do. I am not sure about abandonment laws in your state. While this little boy stayed with you was she still a part of his life? If so, then no abandonment could be used against her. You can go through CPS but that is really opening you up for heartache, if you are willing to take that risk. CPS is for keeping children with their parents. The only other thing is you state you had this child tested and are waiting for results back from the doctor. If the drug test come back positive then you need to talk with CPS, it may be a long road but you need to document everything. You have to be extremely careful because I would hate to see her completely take this child from you for revenge. If you can keep him without the adoption or the risk of losing him then I think I would. If the test come back for drugs then I would push for adoption.

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:40 PM on Jun. 3, 2010

  • Maybe she will give you guardianship or full custody like the PP posted. Then it would not be terminating her rights or allowing you to adopt him AT FIRST and she may agree if you say you need it for doctor visits, school, etc. Then she will have legal visitation for a while. Then you can sue for child support like pp stated and remind the woman she won't have to pay it if she relinquishes her rights. Pending what happens with the drug test, you may need to go to cps and file for custody. HMM... maybe you should go get certified as a foster parent NOW and then if CPS deems her unfit you can ask for him to be placed with you- otherwise he could end up in a strange foster home.

    Answer by Bellarose0212 at 1:06 PM on Jun. 4, 2010

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