Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Dilemma about changing churches-what would you do?

I have been a member of my husbands childhood church for about 12 years.I am a sunday school teacher and over the last 2 years we have had so much conflict that I don't feel comfortable even going to church.The church has about 30 members and most are related and there is so much tension I can't stand it.Also the older women don't want their jobs of teaching,cleaning,mowing anymore so I have taken that on myself.Well we started planning bible school and then my sister invited me to her church which she recently started going to.We set a date for bible school to be in July but I am thinking of just quiting my church and going to her church.My dilemma is is my husband will probably not go with me and our 2 kids and if I change and I will have a conflict with the women with bible school.How would you go about this?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 4:24 PM on Jun. 3, 2010 in Religion & Beliefs

Answers (7)
  • My suggestion, if you're not comfortable with the church you're at now, leave. Pass off the Bible school plans, etc to one of the other members of the current church. Nothing states you and your husband HAVE to go to the same church.

    Answer by KristiS11384 at 4:27 PM on Jun. 3, 2010

  • It's hard because it is such a close knit community of people, but if you are starting to not want to be there then it's probably time to look around at other churchs. Take your time it doesn't have to happen all at once, think about what you are missing and what you want.  Stop helping so much at your current church so others can take on some of the responsibility, when you've made up your mind just start going to the other church.  If anyone asks tell them this was your husbands childhood church,  you enjoyed it,but you happy with the church your attending now.


    Answer by RyansMom001 at 4:38 PM on Jun. 3, 2010

  • I've always believed that if you aren't comfortable where you are, you should change. I know that sounds easier than it is. But church is meant to be a "house of god" not a "house of drama." That drama and whatnot WILL and DOES affect your relationship with God because it will affect how you view church and the things that go on within it... Personally I think your relationship with God is more important than your relationship with a church!

    Answer by SabrinaMBowen at 5:15 PM on Jun. 3, 2010

  • Well, I just quit going to church, period. Yes, they don't mind using you like a $2 whore, do they? They'll work you like a little plow horse, trying to run around do everything THEY should be doing, for as long as you LET them keep doing it. You owe them nothing. Cut your losses and run. They deserve to be stuck with the karmic check!

    Answer by witchqueen at 6:51 PM on Jun. 3, 2010

  • that's not really nice, witch...

    OP, if you don't feel obligated to this church, as in there's no real tug within your spirit to stay, then by all means, begin looking elsewhere. however, since you are married, you do owe it to your dh to discuss this change. perhaps he's ready to change, too. i totally feel that a united couple is more supportive, rather than both going separate ways come worship time. if there's TOTAL DRAMA ACTION ( ds's fave show), its not likely to stop just because you leave, and you will have left your dh to fend off the questioning. pray and seek answers from within, where God speaks best to you, and discuss with your dh.
    you should, however, tell the bible-schoolers about your exodus..they may be counting on your help, being such a little church.
    i know what its like to not feel 'churched' with a certain body of worshippers, and i wish you the best in your searching.

    Answer by dullscissors at 7:40 PM on Jun. 3, 2010

  • Personally I think that since you took on the job of sunday school teacher.. and how you have set the date that you should tell them that you will continue till that is safely behind you and then you will be retiring from all church service. And that you may be leaving. I think the open honesty is the least you owe them.. However I would also suggest that you discuss this with your husband before you make any and all announcements. As I personally think that a wife's role is to be there to help her husband in all things... that I beleive includes being in the same church her husband is in. I suggest that you pray and speak with your husband..

    and one more thing..

    Just like in relationships... it may seem that the grass is greener on the other side.. HOWEVER YOU STILL HAVE TO MOW IT AND DO THE UPKEEP. Remember that.

    Answer by MAKEMYDAY101 at 7:50 PM on Jun. 3, 2010

  • Here's what I think: Finish up your responsibilities there at the Church, Bible School, etc. Try to find someone to take over your duties, etc., then pray about moving on. Don't make the decision in haste. Just remember, sometimes we have to do things we don't like, and sometimes we get overworked, but...we aren't doing it for other people. We are doing our "jobs" for the Lord, and if we keep HIM as the focus, it makes doing our things a little easier.

    Now, I think you should also talk to your husband, and tell him how you are feeling. Let him know that you aren't happy anymore, and let him know that you really want to start looking for another Church. I know it's hard leaving, especially when it's such a close net family Church, but...if you aren't growing for the Lord, and it's hindering your walk with Him, then a move might be in order.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:45 PM on Jun. 4, 2010

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.