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What's a mother to do?

My 16 yr old DD is a golden child. Responsible, great grades, helps out around the house, cuts the grass etc. BUT, she only has one female friend...the rest are boys. She has boys coming out the ears! One in particular she "dated" for awhile. Now he is back around and when they are hanging our or in our swimming pool it is constant physical contact. Just wresteling around etc. I don't know if I am comfortable with this. I trust her totally, but lets face it ladies, a boy of 16 with a girl touching him all the time...hello??? I told her they need to cool it. I know she is a good girl, but it just doesn't look good and it makes my DH nuts! What would you do?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 1:29 PM on Jun. 4, 2010 in Teens (13-17)

Answers (14)
  • talk to her openly & honestly about sex, pregnancy, std's, being used by boys, how they tell EVERYTHING & then make some stuff up when repeating it to their guy friends. remind her that what they do will be known by others & maybe even used against her. Ask her if she's having sex & talk about being safe, time to think about birthcontrol! GL

    Answer by Nyx7 at 1:31 PM on Jun. 4, 2010

  • Explain to her that even the best people with the best intentions can get pulled under by temptation. If you are trying to eat healthy you don't scoop yourself a bowl of ice cream and sit it in front of you. If you want to be friends that is fine, but all the physical contact is setting yourself and the boy up for temptation and trouble.

    Answer by SoniaL at 1:32 PM on Jun. 4, 2010

  • I hope by now you have already had the sex talk with her and all you can do is hope for the best...if you pressure her to much she may start to rebel !!!

    Answer by mommymandaleigh at 1:33 PM on Jun. 4, 2010

  • I only had male friends when I was a kid and teen because I just didn't get along well with girls. I was kind of a tomboy. You shouldn't worry about her having male friends. Especially if you trust her. Does she trust YOU? Does she talk to you about her personal life? Does she know how to be careful? If so, I don't think you should worry.
    I do understand why your DH would be upset though. So I would tell your daughter her dad is uncofortable with all the touching and if she's that mature and smart she'll understand.

    Answer by pipermomofash at 1:35 PM on Jun. 4, 2010

  • OP here, we have had the "talk" and her older sister came to me for BC about 6 months ago, but she is almost 20. She knows she can come to me for BC...but at this age, I think it is too young to be having sex. Get out of school etc. She is good, but it looks bad, and I want them to stop! I have thought about telling him if they can't keep hands to themselves then he can no longer come over.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:35 PM on Jun. 4, 2010

  • I wouldn't assume she's a 'good girl' or abstaining. I was just like her, straight A's, in about 500 clubs at 16 and I started having sex at 15!!! It didn't destroy my llfe, I went on to college and graduate school and got a Master's by the time I was 25, but yes, I was having sex and still a golden child.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:36 PM on Jun. 4, 2010

  • TALK to her! she is your child and if you have bonded with her she will tell you if she has a crush on him or if its just her playing! just dont be judgemental about it!

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:40 PM on Jun. 4, 2010

  • sorry mamma, just bc you think she's too young to be having sex doesn't mean she's not! when did you lose your virginity? bet it was earlier than your mom would've wanted to. Putting her on bc doesn't mean you condone it, it means you recognize that if she gets pregnant @ 16 it will change her whole life!

    Answer by Nyx7 at 1:41 PM on Jun. 4, 2010

  • OP here, I was 19 when I lost my virginity. I could live with that. She knows her sister came to me and I did not flip out and I have told her repeatedly that I would rather have the BC talk rather than the "mom, I'm pregnant" talk. We are very close. She gets hurt when I say things, like I don't trust her. I just don't think she realizes how "bad" that looks. Like she is loose...I can't say for sure she is not having sex, but I would bet money at this point that she isn't. I just want her to cool the physical stuff, I don't think she realizes what that can do to a boys pants if you know what I mean.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:51 PM on Jun. 4, 2010

  • My dd was the same way. She has so many guy friends and when I ask her why she says girls are just bitchy! Talk to her, see what she says, she may just get along better with them. If you haven't already talk to her about boys and dating and all that goes with that, now is a good time to start. Why does it bother your dh? I know for us it wasn't an issue. We just want our girls to have good friends who they have fun with and things in common with. If you have talked to her and if you have talked to her just keep talking. I really don't think you dd looks "loose' just because she has guy friends.

    Answer by wallmom1 at 4:36 PM on Jun. 4, 2010

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