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What can be done when a married couple can't agree on where to live

I live in a small town and live in town, when I met my husband 7 yrs ago he lived 40 miles out into the country. He left his house behind and agreed to move into town when we married. At the time my 3 kids were all in school. bus rides can be up to 90 minutes long. I refuse to allow my kids to get on a bus at 6:30 in the morning. So he agreed to move into town. Every year that goes by he hates "town" more and more, He spends all his free time at his other house. which is also next to his uncle,cousins,and his brother. He goes up and has his freedom and his good times. I have no say and everybody i talk to think this is bullchit.
It is! I'm tired of it! Me and my kids don't like being there. We are bored when we go out there. Today my husband is home and is complaining how bored he is and whines that he can't go to the country. I tell him if I'm stuck here so is he. I thought i married a family man..guess I was wrong.

 
togo90210

Asked by togo90210 at 2:50 PM on Jun. 4, 2010 in Relationships

Level 18 (6,374 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (11)
  • I grew up on a ranch and my ex-husband was a farm boy. We started out living in town, which I preferred, and later we ended up in the country, which I was not thrilled with. He was never happy in town, even in a small town. If he'd had his way we'd have been living hundreds of miles from civilization. He was never going to be happy in town. I think one or both of you is going to be unhappy where ever you live. Maybe you could compromise and live in the country during the summer and live in town during the school year.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:12 PM on Jun. 4, 2010

  • Was this not something discussed before you got married? It's a big decision, but someone always ends up sacrificng more. We live where my husband grew up. Do I love it? NO, not really, but I look at the positives and they outweigh the negatives, especially for my daughter.
    danielp

    Answer by danielp at 2:52 PM on Jun. 4, 2010

  • move to the middle.
    shay1130

    Answer by shay1130 at 2:54 PM on Jun. 4, 2010

  • and 40 miles is not far
    shay1130

    Answer by shay1130 at 2:55 PM on Jun. 4, 2010

  • Is there any way you can move into the country with him and drive your kids to school? Is the bus ride so long because they are picking up other kids? I would imagine because 40 miles out is not a 90 minute ride. Marriage is about compromise and like the first answer said, one sacrifices more than the other. I live in a small town too. Small towns are not more more interesting than being in the country so I can't think you are missing that much. You have to decide if you want to get a divorce over something that is small, think about telling a judge something like this, or just compromise.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:01 PM on Jun. 4, 2010

  • The bus rides are that long because the buses really do have to go out their way to pick up kids. When we got married he was fine with being in town. He just seems to act like there is nothing to do in town. All the people he grew up with are from out there and non of them in town....all of my friends and family are 300 miles away. I tell him him about my side of things he he says it's not his fault they are so far away. We just don't see things on the same level.
    togo90210

    Answer by togo90210 at 3:14 PM on Jun. 4, 2010

  • This is my second marriage and I refuse to go through another Divorce. I hate the thought of driving 40 miles just for milk...I just hate driving period
    togo90210

    Answer by togo90210 at 3:17 PM on Jun. 4, 2010

  • "This is my second marriage and I refuse to go through another Divorce. I hate the thought of driving 40 miles just for milk...I just hate driving period "

    You have a few choices.

    1. Move to the middle.
    2. Stay with things as they are and learn to deal with it. You married a family man...he's just not YOUR family. He's HIS family.
    3. Divorce.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 3:57 PM on Jun. 4, 2010

  • This sounds like an episode of Green Acres. Your Husband: Green acres is the place for me wide living is the life for me!
    You: The city is where I'd rather stay, I get allergic smelling hay.

    Can you drive your kids to school? Living in the country is awesome. Maybe live at the house during the week and go to the country on the weekends, summers, etc. Sounds like fun to me!
    lowencope

    Answer by lowencope at 4:01 PM on Jun. 4, 2010

  • It's all about him and what he wants he tells me it's what he knows and where he grew up...He doesn't see the fact that I grew up 300 miles away from here..I don't pitch a fit and whine. I accept my choices and move on. he is an old horse who won't budge on his thinking. The thing too is theres a million mosquitoes and no see-um's you can't be outside without getting chewed up! he just wants to be with his own family not the one he married into.
    togo90210

    Answer by togo90210 at 4:20 PM on Jun. 4, 2010

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