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How do you approach this....?

My husband is a great Father, he reads books on how to raise boys, he's learning the best he can along with me on how to be the best parents we can be.. however somethings.. I am sure same with me, drive me up a wall.. When our son who is 2-1/2 wakes up crabby or gets in Hysteric's over something, he trys to get him to "calm down" by rationalizing with him..ex : "come on buddy, calm down, what's the matter, tell me what's going on" and while he's doing this he's holding him or will bring him to his room to "calm down" and this really only makes matter's worse - he gets more upset and then thinks I am coming down on his parenting when I ask him to try a different approach - he had horriblly abusive parents so he really can't learn from example there -how do you get it through to someone who is sensitive when you try to help?? I've told him you can't try to rationalize with a 2 year old -but am I wrong?

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 4:45 PM on Jun. 4, 2010 in General Parenting

This question is closed.
Answers (5)
  • sounds like he is kind to your son and is really trying. His approach may work for some things but not if your son is throwing a fit. I woundnt discuss it in the moment. When you guys are together tell him your thoughts during a calm time. start with positive reinforcement first. "I love how you talk to our son" Then talk to him about when son is having fits that you guys should be on the same page and you think you should ignore temper tantrums. Get some material to back it up and come up with a plan together about when you are going to pamper the child and when you are going to let him have a fit. all in all he sounds like a great dad!
    ria7

    Answer by ria7 at 4:48 PM on Jun. 4, 2010

  • depends on the 2 yr old. my dd is pretty rational.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:48 PM on Jun. 4, 2010

  • I think you take a deep breath and walk away..... let him make his own mistakes and find out what works best for him.
    You can do it your way when you are the one dealing with the child.

    kudos to your hubby for trying soooo hard to be a good daddy and not just repeat a horrid cycle.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:51 PM on Jun. 4, 2010

  • OP: yeah our son is Very strong willed so this approach only makes him more mad and he pushes him away and says "go away daddy" which in turn makes my husband want to try harder which is a long bad circle - thank you Ria - I will try that.!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:51 PM on Jun. 4, 2010

  • Could your husband possibly do some thing like this : When your son says "go away Daddy" tell him " Ok. Why don't you go have some quiet time in your room. I will wait right outside the door for you to be ready to come out. Then we can go do something fun together" Kiss him on the cheek and put him in his room and sit on the floor right outside the door. Don't talk to him, maybe hum or whistle something quietly so your son knows he's there but leave him to "reboot" his attitude and give Daddy the peace of mind of still being interactive.
    Btw, high praise to your hubby for WANTING to deal with a cranky 2 year old!!!
    lildudesmomma

    Answer by lildudesmomma at 5:07 PM on Jun. 4, 2010