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Fixing a broken marriage?

My husband and I have been having some serious issues in the last few weeks. I have decided not to leave him, so that is not really what I am asking advice on, but how do you fall in love again as a couple? I know I still love him, and we have 4 great kids together, I know I am not ready to give up on our marriage, and he says he feels the same way, he is really trying, we both are. But how do you get back the feel good times when they have been shattered. I know it is going to take time, but how do you encourage it to happen?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:19 PM on Jun. 4, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (10)
  • Counseling.

    Gailll

    Answer by Gailll at 9:25 PM on Jun. 4, 2010

  • Marriage Counseling - Individual counseling would probably be good, as well.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:27 PM on Jun. 4, 2010

  • Spend time together without the kids. Get a friend or family member to watch them if they are still too young to be by themselves and be a couple again. Even if it's just for a few hours or if you can, a weekend away. It does help.
    wildflowers25

    Answer by wildflowers25 at 9:27 PM on Jun. 4, 2010

  • There was a doctor talking about this on tv not long ago. She said for the adults to spend at least ten min a day talking, NOT about kids or bills or anything but each other. Get to know each other all over again. Make date nights. Rekindle the spark.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 9:34 PM on Jun. 4, 2010

  • Alone time together. Rules.. do not talk about the kids, the bills, the every day normal stuff.. I know, hard to find things to talk about right. But just talk. Talk about what you love about each other, what you miss, what you both want. Go for a walk, hold hands, share an ice cream.. If there is no abuse or another person and life just split you too, get back to just being together, NO computers, TV or cell phones. It doesn't matter what you do, just do it together. Make it weekly. Even if you can't get out, take a bubble bath together with candle light, and soft music in the background.
    midnightmoma

    Answer by midnightmoma at 9:35 PM on Jun. 4, 2010

  • unless there is an ongoing unsolvable issue, sometimes it can be as simple as just letting go of all the anger and not talking about everything that's wrong and just making a decision to just enjoy each other's company, to do something together ... just let it all go and focus on what IS working. alot of times is just getting stuck in a habit of fighting and blame - both people have to decide not to be stubborn.
    figaro8895

    Answer by figaro8895 at 9:50 PM on Jun. 4, 2010

  • ok Im not a marriage counselor by no means but I do know a little bit. Now this will be hard since I am only talking to you and not the both of you..but 1st, make up in your mind that this marriage is gonna work, and then express to him that you are in this for the long haul. then do small things for him that you used to do or go out of your way for him atleast once a week., for example lets say he like oreos and you always get on him about his sugar intake, buy some oreos and place a bow on it, dont give it to him, but just let him see it in the pantry. find time to talk about your first date or when you knew you were in love with him, play games together or any fun activity that he likes..marriage 101: if he likes it then you love it. Find time to share a tender kiss or catch his eye when he comes home from work. The most important part of marriage is learning how to make the decision to be in love all over again each day!
    lsa0919

    Answer by lsa0919 at 10:41 PM on Jun. 4, 2010

  • Cont...forget the past and never bring up the issues that lead to arguments, silently work on the problems. Nobody is perfect and he may never be all that you want him to be but if he puts forth the effort and you have not reach the point where you feel you would do better without him..then continue to work on it individually first and then bring it together...blessings
    lsa0919

    Answer by lsa0919 at 10:44 PM on Jun. 4, 2010

  • i agree with Isa, except for the dont bring up the past.. bring it up once- get whatever out that needs to be said and then work on it... lets say its just communication: talk about what problems you guys had in the past, how to kind of fix it and then let it go. if its romance: again- talk about past problems, ways to fix it (what feels good for you/him) and let it go, etc... but during that time, help each other guide towards what you want.. during a fight, one of you guys have to remember how the old communication raised problems- remember that and change the tone up. romance: guide each person to what you like, etc. it wont be an over night thing, but it'll eventually work out. gl
    Shy_Dia

    Answer by Shy_Dia at 10:54 PM on Jun. 4, 2010

  • By giving your husband more of what he wants and needs, you're bound to get your wants and needs met in return. When you were first deeply in love with this man, did it feel like hard work? Of course it didn't. You were happy to do things to validate him and lighten his load because you received a pay off too. You saw his happiness and pride when he looked at you, he was nice to be around, and because he was feeling loved, he loved you right back. Please don't keep score. It will thwart your efforts. Marriage is give and take. And, when you truly love someone, you know that what you give will always come back to you.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:50 AM on Jun. 5, 2010

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