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I am confused

I been with my hubby for ten years. nad we are having alot of problems right now. Our relationship is crumbling, we never talk anymore and he is almost never home. I love him but I am sick of being with him. He is a good man but I am so sick of him talking only about himself and whats going on in his life. Plus I am livng a life I never planned for myself. And everytime we get into a argument he always telling me that he doesn't care if I move out and I never even say anything about doing that. I want to leave but I don't know if my kids can handle it and I don't really have anywhere to go. Man I don't know what to do. Should I stay and try to work things out or should I go and rebulid my life. Whats you oppinion?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:17 AM on Jun. 5, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (10)
  • Pray about it! So many marriages are crumbling bc there is no communication....It makes me soooo sad....you should buy some books to try and help your marriage..too many people take the easy road! don't give up! My mom left my dad when i was young and I was broken for years! work it out for your kids!!! Unless he's cheating try to stay!..thats my opinion!! Try a date night..it wont be fixed over night but try something!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:26 AM on Jun. 5, 2010

  • I think you need to stay and work it out. He may be saying that you can leave because he feels vulnarable and is hurt, and thinks that thats what you really want anyways. How do you act to him all the time. Are you nice, do you listen to him, do you thank him for what he does for you and your kids, do you act like a good wife? Are you more positive then negative, or more negative then positive. I find that people tend to get in circles of negativity and mistrust (just mistrusting that the other has their best intrests at heart) and it just cycles and both are miserable. But if one of you can jump out of that, and be nice and sweet and loving, it normally makes the other one change as well. I say give it all you got, just be the sweetest most loving woman you can be, act like you did when you first met. It will be hard at first, but just let the negative things he says go. Dont say anything negative about him for 30 days
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:29 AM on Jun. 5, 2010

  • (cont) to him or anyone else. Right a list of all his good qualities, even if they are ones that he only shows to others. If you guys are in a negative cycle he might not be doing them for you right now. And every day right down three nice things he does, for you or someone else. At the end of the thirty days you may find that things have gotten better, that you are seeing him in a better light, and he will probably treat you nicer too. Dress nicer, act nicer, just be sweet as can be for these thirty days. Then if your still miserable you can decide to leave then, but isnt it worth a month of work to try, even just for your kids sake? All marriages have their ups and downs, hopefully you can get to an up again if you work at it. Good luck!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:32 AM on Jun. 5, 2010

  • you should talk to your husband and see what he wants to do. if he is willing to work on things you should.
    jennifer588

    Answer by jennifer588 at 11:35 AM on Jun. 5, 2010

  • Oh and no nagging either, if you have to ask him something more then once just let it go, nothing that needs to be done is more important then your maarriage. So no nagging. Just let him do as he wishes, if he is a good man he wont do anything horrible. Dont talk about your relationship (Im sure you already have done that to death) just let him be him for a month, I can almost guarantee things will change, I know from experience. My husband and I hated eachother, but now we are extremelly happy. So it really works.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:36 AM on Jun. 5, 2010

  • Okay so what I say might be unpopular but you should sit down and write down where you see yourself in five years and write down what you want with your husband and without him slowly decide where you think you should be. The best advice is counseling for by yourself and after you have established what you want then invite your husband to come first work out what you want for yourself and then work on the marriage. Its going to be a long road but well worth it to save your marriage and decide what you really want.

    pinkdragon36

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 12:08 PM on Jun. 5, 2010

  • First, try to start over. You can try first by showing him how much he does mean to you. Sometimes the biggest problems in relationships is lack of communication. It leads people to feel self conscious about themselves. So you have to start at the bottom. First try to get his attention, again. In a good way. Do something really nice and special for him. Make a point to compliment him every day and be sincere. Try not to nag. This should eventually bring him to want to talk about the change you've made for him. (step one,getting his attention).

    Step two: time to talk. Not Nag. Just talk about things in general. Start simple, things about the weather, or the kids. Stay positive. Eventually this should bring him to talk positive back with you.

    Step three: once there is a level of comfort and trust brought back between the two of you, bring out the: "so what happened to us?"
    xxhazeldovexx

    Answer by xxhazeldovexx at 12:37 PM on Jun. 5, 2010

  • If he automatically gets defensive, try to calm him with things you've noticed that you may have done wrong. It should help open him up to take some credit for his own faults.


    if he still won't take some credit, or is still defensive, suggest couples counseling.

    if after all this, things still arent' working, then it is time to think about your other options.
    xxhazeldovexx

    Answer by xxhazeldovexx at 12:39 PM on Jun. 5, 2010

  • try counseling and if not then try separation for a while, kids are strong and a lot stronger then a lot of people give them credit. My husband is in the army and we had thought about separation, you can just explain that daddy wanted to spend the night somewhere else, depending how old the kids are. when my husband moved out for week and stayed at his friends i just told the girls he was at work. they were fine. some times a vacation or a break is all you need. can either of you go visit family for a few weeks or so.. absence makes the heart grow fonder and plus he will have a chance to miss you. I always say there is hope, just rearrange a few things and try something new.
    TaiM

    Answer by TaiM at 3:04 PM on Jun. 5, 2010

  • Not sure I agree on staying and working it out with someone that clearly is telling you that you can move out and he's ok with it and not miss you. Ouch, that's really hurtful. Why would you want to work it out with someone with this mindset...assuming anything could be worked out when they're thinking like this?
    rio_burb

    Answer by rio_burb at 1:03 AM on Jun. 6, 2010

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