Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

parents getting older/sick... have u ever legally intervened?

at what point does a person consider doing a conservatorship? To be medically in charge of their parents business? My Mom is in the hospital for about the 20th time this year for not caring for her diabetic ulcers and wounds ...... she is not taking this seriously and it's obvious to me that the dr's are considering the next step, like adult protection, etc. I don't want a stranger to be in charge of decisions like keep the leg or amputate, skin grafts or no skin grafts, etc etc etc...... if I jump on this too soon I risk pissing my Mom off. If I wait, she could be stuck at the mercy of a stranger, the county, etc. WTF should I do, and when?

 
hibbingmom

Asked by hibbingmom at 3:01 PM on Jun. 5, 2010 in Relationships

Level 35 (71,876 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (5)
  • i'd ask your mom what she wanted done, for future reference. my dad listed me as POA incase anything would happen to him. a HUGE responsibility at 21 years old, but i accept it... but i know what he wants done (creamation, DNR, etc). you gotta talk to your mom/parents about it. also have her make up a will ASAP. talk to her about what she wants to do- does she want someone she doesnt know to be in control of her, which has its pros and cons, or does she want you, which again has its pros and cons... or perhaps she has someone else in mind. either way, if her health is declining rapidly, she needs to get her affairs in order. GL
    Shy_Dia

    Answer by Shy_Dia at 6:00 PM on Jun. 5, 2010

  • I would think that she would have to be proven to not be of sound mind in order for you to do anything. If you can prove that then you might be able to, but if she is just choosing not to take care of herself I doubt you can do anything. She is after all an adult.
    Soniam301

    Answer by Soniam301 at 3:09 PM on Jun. 5, 2010

  • You should, at the least, have a medical power of attorney, and control of her financial assets. Please consult with an attorney who specializes in elder-law.
    rkoloms

    Answer by rkoloms at 4:03 PM on Jun. 5, 2010

  • My mom struggled with this for years. No 2 families are alike and what works in one family may not work in another.

    Rather than legally getting power of attorney (since grandma wouldn't consent), my mom just hired a home health care nurse to be the eyes and ears. It was much easier then to know what was happening, make sure she was eating and taking here meeds, etc. She also got someone from the church to come over daily at lunch and try to eat with her. This arrangement worked for a few years.

    We all live very far from one another so expanding our "care circle" was the best thing we could do.
    ecodani

    Answer by ecodani at 4:18 PM on Jun. 5, 2010

  • Tell her it's you or a stranger so to make up her mind. At least you care about her and to the stranger she's just a name. I'd tell the doctor I wanted to be in charge instead of a stranger.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 5:30 PM on Jun. 5, 2010