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Need Advice from married older women with life experience please!

Ok to make a long story short I have been married now nine years I have two girls with my husband and one on the way. I a few months ago came across my first love the guy I dated for a long time and we got ripped apart with no toher choice because I was not 18 and my mom moved out of the state where he lived and I was forced to go. And it tore me up inside I have never stopped thinking about him always searching for him online looking at his pics ect. Well we just starting talking again I realized I still love him. Am I selfish for this. I am being told I have to let him go and not break my vow but dont I deserve to see if he is the one I am supposed to be with? I have not been happy for the last two years or so in my marrriage I think i just got married too young becausw the fact that I would cheat on my husband with this man scares me. I just need some advice. I have not cheated on my husband. Thanks


Asked by Anonymous at 7:35 PM on Jun. 5, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (13)
  • First, kudos for doing the right thing and not breaking your marriage vows because that will most likely end badly with alot of innocent people hurt. You never lose that special feeling for your first young love that doesn't mean that things can work out because you are not the same people you were back then and you have responsibilites you did not have back then. If this man is willing to consider an affair with a pregnant married woman, what does that say about his morals? Why are you unhappy? Is your husband unhappy too and does he know that you are? Nine years and three children are alot to consider. Cheating and divorce hurt innocent children too. Your actions affect alot of people. Do some serious thinking. Affairs rarely work out the way we think they will, and once they happen you can't turn back the clock.

    Answer by CorrinaWithrow at 7:48 PM on Jun. 5, 2010

  • Does he feel the same as you, young lady?

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:36 PM on Jun. 5, 2010

  • I don't think anyone ever really completely loses their feelings for their first real love. I think that you are imagining that life with him would have been all rainbows and sunshine mainly because you are not happy with the marriage you are in now. If you had been with the other guy for 9 years, who's to say there wouldn't be a rough patch here & there? I think we all wonder "what if?" sometimes, but it's not worth losing everything you have over what is really a fantasy at this point. I recently was friended on facebook by an ex from highschool, my first real true love. It broke my heart and I was in tears for weeks when he dumped me at my junior prom. I have checked his page and I wonder what he's up to and why he's still living the cool bachelor life, but I would never in a million years trade my 10 years of marriage and 2 daughters to have him back.

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:45 PM on Jun. 5, 2010

  • "I have never stopped thinking about him always searching for him online looking at his pics ect." This was a huge mistake on your part. When you marry, you "foresake all others." You shouldn't have stirred this up.

    "Am I selfish for this. " Yes, and you answered your own question: " I have been married now nine years I have two girls with my husband and one on the way."

    It's easy to romanticize a life with a man that you don't have to live with 24/7. Also, how can you expect to be happy in your marriage when you've been pining over this ex?

    Answer by ThrivingMom at 7:50 PM on Jun. 5, 2010

  • You need to never ever ever contact him again... ever!

    45 married over 20 yrs.

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:54 PM on Jun. 5, 2010

  • Please watch this short video before you even contact your ex again.


    Answer by ThrivingMom at 7:57 PM on Jun. 5, 2010

  • I agree with anon, you NEVER contact him again. Your marriage can't be happy when you aren't giving your husband your whole heart. Marriage is a commitment. You have children and a new baby to think about. Good for you anon for telling her not to contact him again. I wanted to but thought she wouldn't listen.

    Answer by ThrivingMom at 7:58 PM on Jun. 5, 2010

  • He does feel the same way yes, he is single and divorced has one son

    Answer by HeatherG82 at 8:00 PM on Jun. 5, 2010

  • How long has this been going on? Your personal statement on your profile page says "I love my girls and my husband. Have been happply married for nine years I have two girls eight and two. "

    How would you feel if you husband got on your CM account and read this question? That will tell you a lot right there. Would you care? What if he filed for divorce tomorrow?

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:05 PM on Jun. 5, 2010

  • Well, that is a good question. I am older I guess (43) and I wish I had an answer for you. I think a lot of women feel this way but few act upon it. They say you never realize what you have until you lose it. I know a Man that I worked with for many years. He was divorced a few years & went to his HS reunion. He saw an old girlfriend who was married. Well they had something really special in HS but parted ways for some reason. She ended up divorcing her DH (one child) and marrying the man I worked with. They moved in together and I even went to their Wedding. 5 years later they were divorced and they are more miserable now than before they re-met. The grass seems always greener on the other side until you get there. Be very careful, you are risking your childrens happiness as well.


    Answer by Anonymous at 8:06 PM on Jun. 5, 2010

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