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what would you do?

Ok so a while ago my brother in law (while VERY drunk) told me he was going to file for divorce from my sister (my older sister) I kinda freaked out because i didn't know what to do. My sister is VERY unhappy in her marriage and has mentioned on mulitiple occasions how happy she would be if he would just leave...I didn't feel like it was my place to call my sister and tell her what he said especially because he was drunk and they had just had a fight.So I called my brother who is the most I guess you could say "moral" person i know. I told him the situation He told me to stay the f out of it (his words) because it is not my place to get involved. so i didn't my brother in law apparentally told my other two sisters about it who told his wife and also told her that i knew and didn't say anything. She is SOOOO pissed off at me..she called and screamed at me and told me she never wanted to talk to me again. cont....

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Asked by Anonymous at 5:49 AM on Jun. 6, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (19)
  • I am pretty upset because i thought i was doing the right thing and know she won't even talk to me to let me explain.
    What should i do? and i am VERY interested in what YOU would have done in this situtaion. Would you have told her as soon as you found out? Please help i don't know what to do!

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:50 AM on Jun. 6, 2010

  • You were right in what you DIDN'T do. He was drunk, and people tend to say and to things they don't mean when they're in that altered state. What do you think would have happened / how would all involved parties feel if you HAD said something and he a) didn't remember saying that to you because he was DRUNK or b) wasn't being serious about it? I'm sorry that the wife did that to you, unfortunately that kind of thing happens even when we do what we feel is right.

    Answer by atowers at 6:40 AM on Jun. 6, 2010

  • yeah...I mean i understand why she is hurting but to yell that she never wanted to talk to me again and hang up on me?? I mean come on...she is 38 years old and she responded the way a 16 year old would!

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:47 AM on Jun. 6, 2010

  • i would write her a letter and explain to her that he was drunk and they had just had a fight, and you were very confused on what to do, i would not tell her that you talked about it with your brother and he said stay out of it. She might get even madder if she finds out you talked to someone else in the family about it. Tell her you thought it was just drunk talk. Honestly I think I would have told her so she could do whatever she needs to to prepare for it if it happens, like be saving money and such. But I also dont disagree with you for not saying anything, saying something could ruin a relationship (yours and hers) and not saying something can do the same damage, so you're kind of screwed either way. Sorry you have to go through this

    Answer by mommie2twogirls at 7:33 AM on Jun. 6, 2010

  • Unfortunately this is a no win situation.  If you had told your sister, she would have been pissed at you then too.  She is hurt and in shock so give her a bit of time and then do as the pp suggested and write her a letter.  If it is any consolation, I think you did the right thing.  Good luck!


    Answer by beeky at 7:41 AM on Jun. 6, 2010

  • You should continue to leave it alone and stay out of it. If she doesn't want to talk to you, that is her choice. She may get over it and she may not. It doesn't make anything you did or didn't do right or wrong. Obviously she is caught up in her own drama right now.

    Answer by ProudMuslimMa2B at 7:46 AM on Jun. 6, 2010

  • It isn't your job to fix other peoples marriages, to counsel, to act as a go-between or to mediate. It is your job to stay out of it - the only thing I would do is talk to your brother and let him know that you won't be confiding in him ever again as he has proven himself to be untrustworthy - call it a lesson learned. Your sister is looking for someone to be angry at other than her DH or herself and unfortunately you are the No.1 whipping boy right now. Shake it off, and stand tall, you didn't wreck the marriage, all you did was not pass on a drunken remark

    Answer by myheartx4 at 7:55 AM on Jun. 6, 2010

  • You were doing the right thing. It was your other sister/s that were wrong.
    I would not have told her either. When she called and yelled at me about it. I would have just explaned and said it was not my place to say anything.

    Answer by louise2 at 8:08 AM on Jun. 6, 2010

  • I tried to explain why i didn't tell her but for some reason that made her even more upset and then she hung up on me and will not answer my phone be completley honset my sister has always kind of treated me like crap so i don't know why i even care.. It would proabably be a good thing if i never spoke to her again. I guess i am just pissed off that she won't even give me a chance to explain or talk to her about it ya know? I mean I feel like she is acting like a child...She has said and done TERRIBLE things to me but i have NEVER treated her the way she is treating me and she is 12 years older than me....I mean doesn't it seem like she is being very immature about the situation? wouldn't you ladies give your sister at least a chance to explain?

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:29 AM on Jun. 6, 2010

  • she's just upset because of what is going on in her life. sounds like she is thinking you were taking sides or not being on her side by not telling her. you absolutely did the right thing. you can try to explain the reality of the situation, including that he was piss drunk when he told you and you have learned that people say lots of things when they're drunk that don't mean anything. remind her this is not about you and you are interested in being supportive to her through the difficult time but that you are NOT interested in being blamed or put in the middle.

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:33 AM on Jun. 6, 2010

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