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I've been with my husband since age 15. And in growing up together, we have nothing in common now. Continued, please give me a minute.

IDK what to do. He's 27 and I'm 22. We have 3 beautiful kids. But that's all we have in common and I'm dying of boredom. I've told him this and he will not do counseling. And I don't think either of us want to compromise because we have no interest in the other ones hobbies. For instance: He loves video games, I don't. Movies, He likes westerns, "guy" movies, and comedies. I like scary movies and some chick flicks. On the radio, I listen to some rap, lots of rock and metal. He likes country. I like to go out with friends, he wants to stay home. Yet in staying home, he won't watch our kids for me. I have to find a sitter. But if he does go somewhere, I'm here with our kids. I don't have many friends, but he doesn't like them. These are my cousins, sister, and a friend I've had since I was 11. I hate his best friend, mainly because he's a jerk to me. But anyway, I'm at a loss. Living like this is driving me crazy. This has only

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:55 AM on Jun. 6, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (15)
  • OP: been an issue for the last year or 2. Before that we were doing okay. I think he was hiding the things he enjoys and going with what I like. I want us BOTH to be happy. Neither of us can really be ourselves because we are trying so hard to be what the other wants us to be. But it's driving us crazy. He turns it inward and withdrawals from everyone, and I ignore it until I want to scream. He holds the things I want to do against me. I don't want to go out and party all the time, I don't even drink. But he still gets mad if I want to go out. I don't know how long I can live like this.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:00 PM on Jun. 6, 2010

  • well it seems to me like divorce is a good idea. you've both grown up from teens to adults. people change when become adults. he's wrong for not watching his own children while you go out for some mommy time. if you aren't happy then your children won't be happy either. it's not good for children to be with parents who aren't happy. maybe you just need some time to be young. you're only 22. you have a long life to still live. good luck
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:01 PM on Jun. 6, 2010

  • I would go to counseling by yourself sit down and see how you feel about your life and where you see yourself in five years. Figure out if you see yourself with him or somewhere else try counseling and if he will not go you go and find out while you are there what is best for you and your family. A relationship has its ups and downs but you have to also feel together and a part of it as well. Maybe you spend a couple months in therapy while you decide you separate and decide what is important to you. GL Momma

    pinkdragon36

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 12:05 PM on Jun. 6, 2010

  • exact same thing i am going through...i have been with SO since 15 now were both 25 I don't even know what I like doing anymore we actually do NOTHING at all. All he does is play his video games he will never play with our 4 year old. he will not clean up after his self i am talking he will drink like 20 cans of drinks and just leave them laying around sooo annoying i really can't take it anymore we live with my mom i have told him to get out sooo many times and he will not leave I don't even know what I like to do its been so long since we have done anything then comes the time where he tells me to get him from work at 12am and i go he isnt there come to find out he really got off at 6 and went drinking with friends (he has a problem with alcohol) i have to hold all his money b/c when he gets a hold of it when he gets paid he will spend the entire check on alcohol and be left with nothing he don't help me pay bills either
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:08 PM on Jun. 6, 2010

  • This can be a struggle and I know where you are coming from. Sometimes it feels like we are roommates not husband and wife. We both like the same type of music thankfully and he will "watch" the kids but other than that we are in the same boat. He likes video games, pool, bowling, and things like that. I like making music, playing outside with the kids, writing, crocheting, and so on. But sometimes you just have to find a away to learn to like some of the same things. I found a game he plays that I like well enough to play also which helps some (WoW). He has gotten (after much fussing and yelling) where he will play outside with us (sometimes) its just a slow procress. The way I got mine to go to conciling with me is I told him I had apt and there was a playroom but he had to watching them in the room. Then she came out and said hi and watched how he was with the kids. So we started out with best parenting the children.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:11 PM on Jun. 6, 2010

  • OP here: Thanks ladies. I guess this is another thing I forgot to mention. I'm planning on going back to school and he doesn't really want me to go. Right now we are living check to check and he's not okay with it really, but when I suggest him going back to school he says no. So I am going back this fall or winter and he seems upset about it. We get PA and he'd rather be on that than have a wife who makes up to $20//hour. He said having money won't change things. I'd be happy to pay our bills on time and think it may not change our relationship but it will improve our kids' lives. We are two very different people now. I feel like I've grown up a lot and he resents it. I think I will try counseling alone and see what comes of it.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:12 PM on Jun. 6, 2010

  • Does the word "compromise" mean anything to you? I'm thinking you need to woman up and learn to play video games and listen to country music. How do you expect your husband to compromise with you if you won't try it yourself?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:12 PM on Jun. 6, 2010

  • Are you in love with him?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:13 PM on Jun. 6, 2010

  • lol I do not think you have to play video games or listen to country to make it work. That is stupid.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:13 PM on Jun. 6, 2010

  • I would give him an oltimatum. counseling or divorce
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:18 PM on Jun. 6, 2010

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