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My 26 year old son doesn't want to work. Should I force him to move out of my apartment?

My son dropped out of college when he was 19. Since then, he has been living with me at home and doing nothing. He was, and still is playing video games all day long, and going out to parties at night. I pay for EVERYTHING: for his food, clothes, car, health insurance, and cell phone. My son turned 26 in April. I am 58 years old. He has never worked in his life. Now, I am telling my son that he must immediately get a job, or else I will throw him out of the house. He yells at me every day because he is too lazy to work. Recently, my son stole $400 from my credit card to buy video games online. Do I have to report this to the police? What can I do to make my son get a job? How much time should I give him to find a job, would 3 months be enough? After he starts working, should I make him live by himself, or just pay for his own food and expenses?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:07 PM on Jun. 6, 2010 in Adult Children (18+)

Answers (48)
  • I would report him to the police and throw him out. But you have to admit you are partly to blame for letting him get away with this lifestyle so long.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:10 PM on Jun. 6, 2010

  • First, I would stop paying for all things that are not necessary such as cell phone, clothes, etc. I would only pay for car and car insurance if he is looking for a job. Give him a deadline. If he is honestly looking and just can not find anything then I wouldn't kick him out, but rather put him to work in the house until he did find something. If he chooses to not work or not to find a job, then the only way he is going to learn is to find out the hard way.

    JeremysMom

    Answer by JeremysMom at 12:11 PM on Jun. 6, 2010

  • I would not report him to the police- he is still your son, BUT I would let him know that if it happened again that I would report him.I would let him know that in the next month you will be cutting him off financially- giving him time to get a job if he chooses. Have him pay rent- it doesn't have be alot, maybe just a couple hundred dollars. Let him know what you will expect from him in order for him to continue to live in your house and give him a short time to get going and let him know if he doesn't make any changes you will expect him to be out of your house by a certain date. Sorry to say that you have enabled him this whole time, now you have to help him become responsible. good luck!!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:17 PM on Jun. 6, 2010

  • This is a scenario that I dread.
    My son is 19. He is "looking into schools", has a job (delivering chinese food).

    My opinion with what might be going on with your ds is substance abuse. Either drinking or getting high, or both. It takes away their motivation. You are going to have to talk frankly with him. Give him a date (like ONE week) when he either has a job or he's moving out. Tell him if he EVER steals anything from you again you are calling the cops. Depending on when the $400 went missing, you can call them right now, it's not doing him any favors to let it go.

    This is the hardest predicament to be in, but we kind of do it to ourselves. Do not let him live there if he isn't working/ paying rent. Unfortunately, you may need to go through legal proceedings to have him evicted and that will take time. That is why you can NOT give him "months" to find a job. It will take months to get him out..

    GL
    kjrn79

    Answer by kjrn79 at 12:18 PM on Jun. 6, 2010

  • Call the cops and throw him out if they don't arresst him! Get him out of your house and maybe when he grows up he can be in your life!
    delilahsmom1177

    Answer by delilahsmom1177 at 12:29 PM on Jun. 6, 2010

  • I try my best to instill good morals in to my two sons who are presently 9 and 12. I fear this happening to me but they see that my husband works hard and I hope they follow in their dad's footsteps. I teach them they have to pay for their own things once they reach a certain age. I can't answer your question because we can all tell you what to do but what if we were in your shoes. We wouldn't know what to do. It's so hard and I hope it all works out for you.
    sweetmom1007

    Answer by sweetmom1007 at 12:32 PM on Jun. 6, 2010

  • omg which part of this let you know he's on the path of being a loser??? Look at it this way, what kind of man do you want him to be??? He is on the road to a very unfulfilling, unhappy, unhealthy life
    the.real.me

    Answer by the.real.me at 12:32 PM on Jun. 6, 2010

  • I would call the police, and kick him out! He is old enough to take care of himself.
    xxlilmomma09

    Answer by xxlilmomma09 at 12:34 PM on Jun. 6, 2010

  • You have been enabling him by giving him money. It is time for you to let him grow up. Stop giving him money. Present him with a lease for his room. Be specifec regarding what "roommate" chores you expect him to handle.

    You have not allowed him to grow up; you need to step back and do so.
    rkoloms

    Answer by rkoloms at 12:43 PM on Jun. 6, 2010

  • He would have been out on his ass a long time ago if he were my kid. My kids WILL be working by 16 - at the latest! - and if they aren't in school beyond 18 they will be supporting themselves... There are somethings I just won't bend on, and this is one of those things! I don't support deadbeats!
    SabrinaMBowen

    Answer by SabrinaMBowen at 12:45 PM on Jun. 6, 2010

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