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How long until abandonment?

DD is 19 months old. Her BD has seen her maybe 10 times in her life. For the past year he's been in Afganistan deployed. He's contacted me 3 times about her. Once by instant messanger when I wasn't online, and tried to call two times right after another, I answered but the phone he was on didn't work. He gets online every few days ( I know because of his facebook), yet he doesn't try to call, email, or anything to ask about her. He has paid childsupport, even though the only reason for that is he told the Army before he deployed that she was living with him AHAHAH yeah right, he wouldn't even keep her for a few hours. My question, how long until it's abandonment? And could it even count since he's gone? DF wants to adopt her, he's been her daddy from day 1.

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Sparta.

Asked by Sparta. at 12:48 PM on Jun. 6, 2010 in Just for Fun

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Answers (17)
  • Sorry Deployment does NOT equal abandonment. Bio dad has all the rights you do and he doesn't have to give them up. She's 19 months and he's been deployed 12 of those months and you want to cry abandonment? It's not like he can call her and talk to her. You should be providing pix and updates about her. He shouldn't have to ask for them. Sorry about DF's luck but he can't adopt her if bio dad doesn't want him to. He pays support. That shows it's not abandonment. It shows he cares and is supporting her. What more do you want from a man who is giving his life so she can be safe?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:53 PM on Jun. 6, 2010

  • You have to look at the guidelines for your state, but the odds are as long as he's paying cs there's no abandonment. Even though the contact has been limited he still tries, and it will probably still keep you from being able to terminate his rights.

    Best thing to do is ask him if he'd voluntarily reliquish. If he says no you're most likely out of luck.
    desert_diva

    Answer by desert_diva at 12:54 PM on Jun. 6, 2010

  • If he pays child support then you can never file abandonment. Since he is in Afghanistan it is against Federal Law to file any kind of civil suit against him: custody or adoption. You will have to wait and he will have to be served.
    matthewscandi

    Answer by matthewscandi at 12:54 PM on Jun. 6, 2010

  • I THINK AS LONG AS HE IS STILL PAYING CHILD SUPPORT, IT IS NOT ABANDONMENT. HE IS STILL TAKING CARE OF HER EVEN IF HE IS NOT COMING TO SEE HER OR CALL YOU. I THINK ITS GREAT FOR DF TO ADOPT HER, HE MUST BE A SPECIAL PERSON TO ADOPT YOUR CHILD. I THINK IT IS GREAT. MY DAD LEFT MY MOM WHEN MY SISTER AND I WERE 1 AND 2 YRS OF AGE. MY MOM DID MARRY AGAIN AND HE IS MY DAD NO MATTER WHAT. IT TAKES A SPECIAL PERSON TO DO ANOTHER MANS JOB. I WISH YOU LUCK!!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:06 PM on Jun. 6, 2010

  • The only reason he pays childsupport is because he makes an extra 900 off of her, by saying she lived with him before deployment. When he does get back I am going to ask him to terminate his rights. He probably won't because of the extra 900.


    anon- YES he can call her up and talk to her. He can email and ask about her, he can chat on skype with her. blahblahlbah he fights so she can stay safe, so does her real daddy. DF is in Iraq for his second tour. I will NOT provide information to a man about my daughter who does not care enough to ask about her. 6 months into his tour he calls? and its been 6 months since? Yes, that screams love.
    Sparta.

    Answer by Sparta. at 1:08 PM on Jun. 6, 2010

  • Thanks anon 06 for seeing it for what it is.
    Sparta.

    Answer by Sparta. at 1:10 PM on Jun. 6, 2010

  • sorry this is not abandonment even if he doesn't contact you the way you think he should. It doesn't matter WHY he pays child support the fact that he pays it to the court means he is doing something. Abandonment is actually leaving without contacting at all or helping. Have you asked him to give up his right? this will not be easily done if he soes not agreee. people with abusive husbands have issues getting this done becuase its still the father.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:12 PM on Jun. 6, 2010

  • anon 12, i plan on asking him as soon as he gets back, well as soon as he contacts me
    Sparta.

    Answer by Sparta. at 1:17 PM on Jun. 6, 2010

  • I wasn't bashing, I see your point. My husband was in Iraq when his adoption went through of my son. He was in Afghanistan when my adoption went through of his son. My son was adopted through abandonment, his son's mother was worthless and after she committed suicide I adopted my SS. I am just being informative that you can't do anything while either of them are away. Because you would have to be married for DF to adopt your daughter and her bio-father has to be served termination papers. And if he does allow the adoption then the man you want to adopt your daughter has to sign papers in front of the attorney consenting to the adoption, he has to have a background check by fingerprints he can't do anything from Iraq. Maybe her father doesn't feel comfortable trying to contact her. Have you asked him to contact more often. I had my son's rights terminated after trying everything. After 3 years I allowed the adoption.
    matthewscandi

    Answer by matthewscandi at 1:20 PM on Jun. 6, 2010

  • SPARTA YOU SHOULD NOT HAVE TO EXPLAIN YOURSELF TO ANYONE. YOU ASKED YOUR QUESTION. AND TO THE , ANONY. I DON'T CARE IF HE PAYS CHILD SUPPORT OR YES HE IS FIGHTING FOR HIS COUNTRY TO KEEP EVERYBODY SAFE AS WELL AS HIS DAUGHTER BUT WHAT IS REALLY COMES DOWN TO IT MONEY AND ANY OTHER THING HE GIVES TO HE DAUGHTER DOES NOT MAKE HIM A DADDY!!!!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:21 PM on Jun. 6, 2010

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