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Open communication---is this too far?

This year I finally talked to and discovered feelings for the husband of a 20+year acquaintance of mine. I told my husband because I believe in open communication between a couple, and it came out with some problems due in part to a breakdown in communication. This couple also had some problems at the end of last year. I told the other man a month later. I have recently found out he told her. She is throwing a small fit on her profile on another social networking site.
I understand her anger, however I told the other man that I never intended to act on it and other than 1 hug never asked for anything---there are many things about this man that I question and creep me out. In fact, I told him to quit touching me (innocent touches, on the arm or the shoulder, but still if I have feelings and you know---why touch?). He didn't tell me he told her until I said I'd back off, despite 2 calls. Was I wrong for saying anything?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 2:33 PM on Jun. 6, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (6)
  • i dont think you were wrong to tell your husband. but that is the only person i would have told. there is no reason he needs to know you have feelings for him if you never intend to act on them and are devoted to your husband.

    Answer by jennifer588 at 2:40 PM on Jun. 6, 2010

  • Yes i think you were wrong. Sometimes we have to use good judgment and ask what good would come from sharing that kind of information? Look how many people were hurt in that little "innocent" confession.

    Answer by admckenzie at 2:51 PM on Jun. 6, 2010

  • Honesty is a double edge sword and it can hurt you for sharing it and it can mess you up for not sharing it. I think you told the truth for yourself. only you can know if you were wrong. GL Momma

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 3:00 PM on Jun. 6, 2010

  • OP here - I agree on both accounts, really. Telling him was done on something of a whim...I didn't really think it through. The way I see it is (a) we weren't really supposed to be that good of friends to begin with, no matter how well he and I hit it off and (b) as to my guilt, God knows the deepest workings of my heart and the reality of the situation, so in the long run all things will work out. Because if nothing else, I was praying for them for the repair of their relationship, which was damaged by something she did (a psychotic break due to post partum psychosis) already, and now this. I also prayed for my own forgiveness (I don't expect it immediately from them, I have patience and can wait, though I never really expect it), and rest assured in the reality of God's grace.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:02 PM on Jun. 6, 2010

  • Telling your husband....wrong.

    Telling this man....wrong.

    Allowing yourself to feel that way and then entertaining it enough to tell other people when you weren't even going to act on it in the first place...wrong.

    You've messed up two marriages now. Time to do some damage control.

    Answer by ThrivingMom at 3:57 PM on Jun. 6, 2010

  • OP here - thrivingmom, I would actually disagree to an extent. Telling my husband was not wrong---I would feel worse keeping the secret. I did not like that the feelings grew either, which I had already been trying to work through.

    But at least our marriage is not messed up. No more or less so than it was with the other problems going on, I would in fact say we are closer. I believe that with God's help and open communication, things are getting better. My HUSBAND feels the communication is better now than it has been.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:01 PM on Jun. 6, 2010

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