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My sister and I...

I have a sister whom I love very much. She has always been there for me anytime I have needed her and vice versa. The problem is this: I moved away about 4 years ago so most of our relationship is on the phone. Well when I talk to her she seems so superficial. She is always bragging about herself and her family. Anytime she has a problem I never hear about it from her. She will never admit that she might be wrong about something and always acts as if she has everything ALWAYS under control. Anyway that wouldn't be a problem except that I feel like I really don't know her now. I only know what she wants me to know and she wants me to think that she is perfect or something. She doesn't seem "real" to me anymore. Not only that but lord forbid I might talk about a problem I am having. She will just blow it off. I get the whole "being positive" thing but this is too much for me. (cont...)

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:09 PM on Jun. 6, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (5)
  • cont... So anyway, recently we had an argument over the phone because I finally disagreed with her about something she is doing. I didn't act as if she is "all-knowing" and told her that I disagreed with what she was doing. Well she hasn't called me since and to be honest I don't miss it. She was always making me question myself and my kids because she was always acting as if her and her family were so perfect. I feel bad because I am mourning the relationship that I wish I could have with her. Should I let her know? Do I just let it go? I feel as if I have already hurt her enough by disagreeing with her in the first place. She took it as criticism. Have you ever had to let someone go because of something like this?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:16 PM on Jun. 6, 2010

  • It sounds to me that she is the kind of person that want for everyone to think that her life is perfect, but in reality it is not. Most people that try to put us down or try to show us how happy they are, they are actually the ones that are not happy with their lives, so a way for them to feel a little better about themselves is by putting "us" down. I know she is your sister, but don't let it bother you. I have issues like that with my husband "sister-in-law. Every time I see her she'll say something to put me down. Sometimes she will even say something like " I wonder why ......(my husband) don't want to have a family with you", obviously my husband and I are going to have our own family, but now we are both still in school. Again, don't let it bother you. I did st first and it drove me nuts, but I came to realize that we shouldn't because if they are doing this to us is probably because they are jealous of something we hav
    DeLaiz

    Answer by DeLaiz at 3:24 PM on Jun. 6, 2010

  • She probably doesn't want to disappoint you so doesn't tell you the negative stuff. It took me and my sister years to work all this out but we're fine now. Just talk with her and tell her how you feel
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 3:27 PM on Jun. 6, 2010

  • Sounds like she wants you to look up to her. Simply want you to see the good she is doing and not to question her decision.
    The sister thing is complex. I see it in my own relationship with my sisters. I see it in my husbands sisters. One is very touchy one is very isolated. They each have their perceived rolls.
    As for my sisters we are in a different place. Both of my sisters have grown up adult children. My kids are still in High School. One is a calm easy going sister and always knows how to give me good advice. My other sister wants to be that but she really doesn't know how or what to offer advice on.
    I am sure they have their problems with me. I am oblivious to that though. I try to keep the peace and talk to them both. Clearly it is easier for me to talk to one of them than the other. I have only two sisters and I try to make the best of what ever situation were in. So bide your time then make the call. cont
    mmmegan38

    Answer by mmmegan38 at 4:05 PM on Jun. 6, 2010

  • You may want to tell her after a cooling off period, I didn't mean to judge you... If I came off that way I just want us to remain as close as we used to be. Things have changed and were in different places. I just miss the old us.
    One thing about apologies that is funny, you may be willing to offer an apology however she may not be ready to give forgiveness. So you may have to wait a while. It is hard to be in this place where you want and need a family member and they are not there for you. It can get better you just have to open the door to it.
    mmmegan38

    Answer by mmmegan38 at 4:08 PM on Jun. 6, 2010

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