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Do I just STOP asking "What's Wrong?"

My 15 yr old daughter has started acting really...down? Not exactly depressed because she will laugh if somethings funny, but it's her facial expression and the way she's started moving slowly when I ask her to do a chore. She looks like she's constantly bored, and when I ask, "What's wrong?" she gets all exasperated "Nothing's Wrong Mom, dag" But I'm used to her being happy go lucky. She recently switched her whole group of friends and she's been hanging out of the neighborhood quite a bit. When I press her, she gets upset and says I WANT something to be wrong with her b/c if I didn't I wouldn't keep asking her what's wrong when she's already told me nothing. Do I stop asking period? But what if it is something wrong and it gets out of hand b/c I stopped asking? When she's here, she stays in her room with her ipod and her super cell phone. She only comes out for meals or to do chores. How should I proceed?

 
Dmommy4

Asked by Dmommy4 at 4:54 PM on Jun. 6, 2010 in Teens (13-17)

Level 9 (315 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (14)
  • It's called "being a teenager" LOL You should stop asking. Unless there has been DRASTIC changes in her behavior [ex: verbally or physically lashing out, skipping school, dropped grades, etc] then I would not worry about it. Some teens don't go through this, but a majority do. They're minds are turning, around things that they don't think a silly parent can understand. It doesn't mean there's something serious going on, but whatever it is, they just don't want to talk about it with their parents. A lot of teens go through that "I just wanna be alone in my room" thing. If you press her too much now, when the time comes and there IS something really wrong, she will not be ready or willing to talk to you. If you say anything at all, instead of saying "What's wrong?" say, or even write her a little note and put it on her pillow "If you need to talk, just say the word, love Mom" or something like that.
    BaisMom

    Answer by BaisMom at 10:58 AM on Jun. 7, 2010

  • Yes I'd quit asking. My mom would get upset bc I stayed in my room too. It's just a haven for teens. It's their sanctuary. You have shown that you care so if there is a problem she will let you know. Keeping the line of communication open is great. Let her come to you. Don't push her.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 4:55 PM on Jun. 6, 2010

  • Rephrase. "Is something bothering you?" "Do you know that if there is a problem you could come to me?" "How are you feeling?" "If you could change any one thing about your life now, what would it be?"
    I have always hated being asked "what's wrong", it's a hard question to answer. It's too vague.
    Kiwismommy19

    Answer by Kiwismommy19 at 4:57 PM on Jun. 6, 2010

  • And, no, I don't have a kid that age, I only have the one, and she's 5. But, I was that age 11 years ago, and I have family I'm close to who are that age that talks to me. I'm not answering from experience from the mother of the teen side, but from having talked to other teens.
    Adults are the same way.
    Kiwismommy19

    Answer by Kiwismommy19 at 4:59 PM on Jun. 6, 2010

  • just let her know that if something is wrong she can talk to you anytime. and leave it at that. trying to force her to tell you will not get you anywhere.
    jennifer588

    Answer by jennifer588 at 4:59 PM on Jun. 6, 2010

  • Quit asking and investigate, go in her computer and snoop in her room if you really think there is something going on. This is what I did and would do all over again if I had to.
    older

    Answer by older at 5:13 PM on Jun. 6, 2010

  • I was the same way at that age. Nothing was wrong with me I just liked my privacy and being alone. There are a lot of hormones and whatnot going on at 15 and sometimes teens just need there space for a little while. As long as she is still eating and doing her normal shores and everything I'm sure she is fine. Just let her know that you are there for her if she needs you and let it be at that. DO NOT SNOOP! She will see it as you not trusting her and invading her privacy. It will hurt her and push her into doing things you don't want her to. No I do not have teens but I am 20. I have an 18 and 16 year old brother and 4 teenage cousins who all confide in him. If you raised her properly you have nothing to worry about, momma. You sound like you are doing a good job so far keep it up! :)
    krystie-tina

    Answer by krystie-tina at 7:23 PM on Jun. 6, 2010

  • STOP asking and just let her know that you are there if she wants to talk. The more you nag, the more she will stay quiet. Give her space and time. Now, this doesn't mean not watching for signs of depression..just keep a watchful eye on her. Tell her that you love her everyday.
    tyfry7496

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 8:49 PM on Jun. 6, 2010

  • I would be cautious if she changed all her friends too. Start checking up on her when she says she is going to be somewhere, and go over her cell phone calls if you have to. Drugs and experimenting with pot especially, are going to have warning signs like this. Not saying it is always that, but worth looking into. Make her take a day off once a week and just spend time with family. Make her make family and her parents a priority.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:00 PM on Jun. 6, 2010

  • I would not continue to ask what is wrong but I would pay attention to some of the warning signs....switching friends, becoming moody, spending less time at home, wanting to be alone more. I have 4 sons (ages 18-23) and 1 of them started using drugs at 17....and that is EXACTLY how he acted.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:26 AM on Jun. 7, 2010

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