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We encouraged our children to become independent & to want to live their own lives, is that wrong?

In light of all of "my 20-30 something child still lives at home" uestions I thought I'd go the other way. I know quite a few people who have adult children who still at home and many of them don't even have jobs, their parents take care of all of their financial needs. It almost seems like a trend. We raised our children to be independent. After high school graduation they had 2 options A) go to college (paid for by them) or B) if they didn't choose college then by the Sept. after high school grad they had jobs & their own apartments. They all started working as hs Juniors, they learned to pay bills & to pay for their own things as teens. We had 2 join the military, 1 moved out after graduation & another chose college (he lives on campus & comes home during school breaks and some weekends & we help out with some of his expenses but not all). They LIKE being on their own and having their own space. Is that so wrong?


Asked by Anonymous at 8:31 PM on Jun. 6, 2010 in Just for Fun

This question is closed.
Answers (17)
  • when my child is 18 they'll either be

    1) already in college

    2) starting college very shortly

    3) working a FT job w/ medical benefits

    4) in the military

    5) or only visiting my house as a guest.... no sleeping in my basement, doing free laundry, eating my food etc

    Answer by hibbingmom at 8:42 PM on Jun. 6, 2010

  • I graduated HS in June, and was out of the house and on my own in August. I would never have had it any other way, and I don't believe it's healthy for kids to live at home much longer than that. Now, if they are in school, I can see how an education would be more important than independence, but if they aren't in school, there is NO reason they aren't supporting themselves with in a year of HS ending. My kids will be working from the time they are legally able (14 in PA) and will have the choice to support themselves or continue their education. Should they choose to continue their education I will pay for school, if they want clothes, a car, a phone... anything extra they will be required to pay for it. I think that's how it should be. I know way to many people who never have to face reality until they are thrown in to the world when parents pass and they are lost. Self reliance is a HUGE thing for me!

    Answer by SabrinaMBowen at 8:40 PM on Jun. 6, 2010

  • Nope. I think it's wonderful you encouraged your children to be independent.

    Answer by NOLAmommaKRYS at 8:41 PM on Jun. 6, 2010

  • I graduated in June of '01, got a job three days later, and moved out into an apartment w/my best friend in December of that year. But, mom didn't really want me to leave since I was a live in baby sitter for my little sister who was about to turn 1 at the time.
    My husband and I had to move back in when Kiwi was 2, but that only lasted a couple months. My mom didn't pay any of my expenses. Both times I lived there after graduation, I gave her money and helped buy groceries (more the second time around). But, even the second time, I was still a live in baby sitter and helper for the kids she baby sat for, so it wasn't totally mooching.
    I'm all for raising independent kids, but if Kiwi hits hard times and needs a place to crash for a while, I would see no problem w/it so long as she worked and helped.

    Answer by Kiwismommy19 at 8:43 PM on Jun. 6, 2010

  • That is EXACTLY our plan for our kids. Except we WILL allow them to stay at home instead of live in the dorms to save money, but they will have to hold a job to help out with expenses. We just won't charge as much as room and board lol.


    Answer by Ati_13 at 9:08 PM on Jun. 6, 2010

  • I think it's fine. I'd probably say that 24 is stretching it to be living at home without going to school. I left for college after high school at 18 and the only reason I came home was because my BF was dying of cancer. I stayed with her til it was over, about a year after we graduated from high school. Took a little time to get a job, but worked steadily til hubby and I got married. Oh, and I did still live at home, technically, but my parents had moved out and didn't want the house to be empty. Does that count? I was supporting myself during that time.

    Answer by MamaRae85 at 9:37 PM on Jun. 6, 2010

  • I agree with a lot of what Sabrina says, except that jobs and extracurricular activities can be traded. If they're in EA, they can work less.

    Answer by MamaRae85 at 9:38 PM on Jun. 6, 2010

  • I graduated in June and was out on my own in July. Married in August, had a baby the next July. 1.5 yrs later I left him (for good reason) I moved back home with my son, stayed for a year (working and going to college the whole time) and then moved back out on my own, 6 mos later moved in with my (now) fiance. We lived together for about 2.5 yrs, then we had to move out of the place we were in. Long story short, we ended up at his mom's house bc we didn't have another place in time. I lost my job right after we moved in and had a hard time finding another one. DF lost his job a yr later. I am working now. We have been living here for 3.5 yrs. Both of us go to school, I work, DF is looking, we each have one child, we pay for ALL our food, we pay rent every mo, and our own bills. It makes more sense to us to pay rent to her while we save for a house than to pay 3x as much for an apt. I am independent and responsible....

    Answer by TJandKarasMom at 9:42 PM on Jun. 6, 2010

  • Good for you. No it's not wrong. They have to learn. If you die who will teach them. They all need to learn a bit more responsibility each year until graduation then they will be ready for life.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:44 PM on Jun. 6, 2010

  • I don't WANT to live here, but it's the best option for us financially and makes the most sense. We are also helping her out financially, because she has extra income from us. The house is big enough and we all get along. We pull our own weight.

    For years and years everyone all lived in one house, families of 20 would live under one roof with no issue. I think these days, many people push their kids out too soon. I am raising my kids to be independent, and I will expect them to pull their own weight as they get older. But I don't expect, or even want, them to move out as soon as they turn 18. I would rather they feel comfortable enough to stay home and save money so they can be more ready to be on their own. I also want them to go to college, and I won't pay for it all, but I do plan to help with books and things. I pay for my own school now, and it sucks having parents that don't even emotionally support me.

    Answer by TJandKarasMom at 9:45 PM on Jun. 6, 2010