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Opinions on how I should react....keep my big mouth shut or bring it up?

My DH and I are fairly broke, Ok really broke. We are paying off debt, have a baby and pay CS on his daughter. His mother in California has not been in good health and it has been his desire to fly out there and spend time with her.
I manage to scrape together the plane fare and sent him on his way last Thursday. This was all to my understanding, to "help his mom, spend time with his mom, cook for his mom - you get it.Turns out that he did not even stay with his mom, he stayed at his sisters house. They go visit his mom everyday. Most of the time he was playing his his sister's pool, staying up until 3:00 am playing Wii and drinking in the hot tub. A fun vacation.
Should I keep my mouth shut about how I thought this visit was suppose to be? Should I just let it go? I am a bit pissed, I do realize (to all of those that wish to bash, that I indeed might be jealous a bit) I get no vacay this year.

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Asked by Anonymous at 9:37 AM on Jun. 7, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (19)
  • OMG! I would be livid! I would tear into his ass so bad! That is totally unacceptable!

    Answer by butterflyblue19 at 9:41 AM on Jun. 7, 2010

  • I probably would not be able to let that go. Frankly, I don't feel that kind of thing should be let go. Adults don't lie about helping their ill mother then play games and hang by sister's pool. You can bring it up without yelling and fighting about it. You can start by saying it doesn't make you feel good to get lied to about him taking care of and visiting his mother when he was really playing at his sister's house.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:42 AM on Jun. 7, 2010

  • I understand you being upset, he is having a good time and you aren't going to get a vacation. But, he is also dealing with a sick mother, and I bet he doesn't get to see his sister often either. I wouldn't begrudge him the fun times with his sister, especially since he is visiting with his mom everyday. If she's in poor health, I'd bet she goes to bed pretty early, KWIM?

    Answer by Scuba at 9:44 AM on Jun. 7, 2010

  • um yeah I would be pissed to, if that is what he wanted then he should have waited till you got enough money so you all could go! I would deff tell him what I thought about it! There is no way I would let that slide!!!!!!!!

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:44 AM on Jun. 7, 2010

  • OP: Good point Scuba. I do want to tear into him the second he gets home! But he has not seen his sister or his nieces in over a year ( we live in Georgia) and he is stressed about his mom - apparently she is in BAD shape and pretty much in bed most of the time.
    I am still pissed though!

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:46 AM on Jun. 7, 2010

  • ok Scuba, so why not stay with mom like he said and VISIT with sister when mom is sleeping or take her over to sisters with him so she can get out of the house also?????? Sounds like he lied so he could just get out and away! I would not be mad me visiting with his sister, just the fact he lied and is staying with her and not mom and not spending the time with mom he said he was going to! he is acting like a child!

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:48 AM on Jun. 7, 2010

  • Ok, this is just me, but I would probably be a little jealous, but not truly mad. I mean, if he is going to check on his Mom and spend time with her every day, that may be all he can handle of seeing his Mom so sick. Not trying to be ugly, just pointing out the other side. I mean, yeah he is spending time with his sister, but he is seeing his Mom every day too. Honestly, watching a parent that sick, is no walk in the park, trust me I have done it. People deal with it differently, so you may want to cut him some slack.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:53 AM on Jun. 7, 2010

  • Maybe mom just wanted to see him not have him wait on her hand and foot. We older moms still have a bit of pride even when our health is bad. She probably sent him to his sister's and while there he is just doing what is available to do. What did you want him to do, return home and pay the high fee to change his ticket? I wouldn't make a big deal over it.

    Answer by admckenzie at 9:59 AM on Jun. 7, 2010

  • Anon :48; if she is in bad shape, it may be better for her as well as him for him to stay at his sisters. I recently lost a dear friend to cancer. She preferred to have people around at her request, rather than being with her full time. Trying to have a conversation exhausted her, and she really preferred to be alone a decent amount of time. She wasn't up for leaving the house, especially in the last months.

    We don't have enough information to be pissed off at the guy - OP said she made some assumptions about the trip, not that he actually lied. He's obviously telling her what he's doing, if he thought he were doing something wrong one wouldn't think he'd be telling her about the fun, he'd be focusing on caring for his mother.

    I understand that OP is upset at not getting a vacation and her hubby is having some fun, but I doubt that his trip isn't all fun and games, and that he and his sister have shared some tears.

    Answer by Scuba at 10:00 AM on Jun. 7, 2010

  • I agree w annoymous 9:53 it would be difficult taking care of a sick dying person. I don't think I could handle staying at her home to wake up in the morning and find her gone (not trying to be rude here) Put urself in his shoes. I think your the one acting childish he told you he's taking care of his mom he sees her everyday but maybe he needed a time out from that so his plans to stay with mom changed it happens. I think the above poster had the right idea cut him some slack his mom may be dying you don't know you are not there.

    Answer by chica679 at 10:07 AM on Jun. 7, 2010

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