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Loving Husband More Than Child

What are your opinions on loving your husband (or SO) more than your child? I'm having my first child in the fall, but I'm confident that I'll love my husband more. Not that it's important in any practical way. If his life and her's were in danger and I had to choose, I'd choose the child and he'd do the same. I love my little one, and this isn't a discussion about that. I chose my husband based on his personality and cannot say the same of my child. Who knows what she'll be like exactly? I'm just curious as to whether anyone would admit to loving their DH more than their child.


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Asked by Anonymous at 10:35 PM on Jun. 7, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (18)
  • That will change once your little one is here. You will no longer feel that you love your husband more than baby because the love you have for him will be different than the love you will have for baby. I don't believe that we have the capacity to love someone more than another...we love them differently and for different reasons.

    Answer by Jademom07 at 10:37 PM on Jun. 7, 2010

  • In the long run you are (hopefully) married for life - day in and day out you will be with the same person and while yes once you are a Mom you are a Mom for life, children grow up and move out of the house and you have to have a life beyond them. While I wouldn't say I love my husband more than my daughter I do make sure to still have a life with my husband and to work on growing our relationship outside of our being parents together. You shouldn't feel bad about your feelings but don't be surprised if they change once your child is hear. Love for a child is immense and all encompassing!

    Answer by psugal at 10:39 PM on Jun. 7, 2010

  • I just think it's a different kind of love... and I think it's one you won't really experience until your baby is born. I personally had a hard time 'bonding' when they were in the womb... I worried about them arriving safe and healthy and wondered who they would be and what they would be like, but I didn't really connect to them until they were born. However, when the kids were born it was like someone flipped a switch and they were the most beautiful things I had ever seen. I could stare at them for hours... my oldest is now eight and if I were to go upstairs right now and watch him sleep I would still probably be moved to tears. It's not that I love my kids 'more'... it's just a different, primal kind of love that I had no clue existed before my kids were born.

    Answer by Freela at 10:40 PM on Jun. 7, 2010

  • I agree that will change when the little one arrives

    Answer by admckenzie at 10:40 PM on Jun. 7, 2010

  • i love them both, in different ways. but i if i had to say who i love more, definatly my son.

    Answer by PURPULbutterfly at 10:41 PM on Jun. 7, 2010

  • You may think that now, but once the baby comes and you pass by any possible baby blues, your mind will change. Trust me. I had the exact same thoughts you did.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:41 PM on Jun. 7, 2010

  • OP: Thanks for your kind response, PSUGirl. I went to Pitt so I have to say "Go Panthers". ;)

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:58 PM on Jun. 7, 2010

  • OP: Eh, my feelings may not change. I have talked to women who feel this way. They're great mothers but like I said, you choose your spouse. My DH is my soulmate. I'm not worried about raising the child. I don't suffer from baby blues but my heart goes out to those who do. My husband feels the same as I do. I don't fear loving my husband more, if you will. He's so awesome. Indescribably awesome. :) Still curious if anyone on CM feels similarly.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:01 PM on Jun. 7, 2010

  • Pfft. I think the whole, "YOU HAVE TO LOVE YOUR CHILD MORE THAN ANYTHING OR ANYONE!" argument is dumb. It's about the hierarchy of relationships - the relationship you have with your husband is the primary relationship in your home.

    Marital Relationship
    Relationship of Children to Parents
    Sibling Relationship

    Like that.
    If you don't keep the marital relationship primary, then you have kids on top of parents in the hierarchy, and it doesn't work. It's how you get divorce rates as high as they are (listen to some of the chicks on here talk about how fast they'd dump their husbands for the dumbest stuff!) and it's also how you get kids who rule the roost. This current generation of kids who have to be entertained constantly and pandered and catered to and constantly praised and given awards for doing nothing are the lucky recipients of the "child first" method of child rearing.

    Answer by Avarah at 11:05 PM on Jun. 7, 2010

  • I love my DH and I think that has deepened tremendously watching him with our children. I love my babies like a lioness and will clear the planet before I let you hurt them. It is a totally different love, so I can't compare. One is by choice and so you wake each morning and confirm that choice. With children, it is almost the opposite, you love them in spite of the crap they may dish up, and the only reasonable answer is "he's mine". I won't tell you that you are wrong, you know your own heart, I will just say it is a separate love that needs no comparison. Another interesting thing is when you are having baby no 2 and you can't imagine ever loving another baby as much as your first. And then the new baby arrives and you realise that your heart just doubled in capacity and you can love with abandon, all the babies that come into your life

    Answer by myheartx4 at 11:10 PM on Jun. 7, 2010

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