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what do i tell my daughter??

my daughter is 6..her dad has been in her life for only the last 3 years (every other weekend)..now today i get a text from him saying "he's done" and that he is giving up his rights to have anything to do with her..he didnt even have the nerve to tell me in person, or on the phone for that matter..he tells me this in a frickin TEXT!!! but whatever, im glad, i've regreted him being in her life since 3 ys ago when he started!! but now how am i supposed to help my daughter deal with this?? she never asks about him anyways..but still..shes 6!!! shes not stupid!! she knows that every other saturday she gets to see her dad. everytime my phone rings, she says "is it dad? can i talk?" i have nooooo idea what i am supposed to tell her, or how to help her deal with this :( im glad hes gone, but at the same time i feel so terrible for my daughter!!

 
alexis_06

Asked by alexis_06 at 12:00 AM on Jun. 8, 2010 in General Parenting

Level 42 (146,031 Credits)
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Answers (13)
  • Wow. I'm reading a book about a boy whose mother did this (sequel to a child called 'it'), and just finished reading Adopting the Hurt Child.

    WHY is your ex "done"?? if it;s the money he can't do, i'd let him be in her life without the money but maybe he is wanting his weekends without her (how mean)- I guess...go to a counselor, seriously and see if he would show up at least once to tell your daughter goodbye at the counselors office. if he doesnt show, at least you are with someone to help you talk it through and greive : (
    txdaniella

    Answer by txdaniella at 12:07 AM on Jun. 8, 2010

  • I would just tell her that her dad has some stuff he needs to work on with himself. Tell her it has nothing to do with her, it's just some problems he's having in his life. You can tell her what happened when she is older and she asks but she's 6, she can't understand right now that some people are just f*ck ups and the only person they care about it their own self!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:03 AM on Jun. 8, 2010

  • He isnt done, he is using power and control to get his way,,,whatever it is he wants. I believe that would be you that he wants and cant get to anymore. Hence the temper tantrum. Do not tell dd anything, do not text him back. SIt back and watch and wait for him to make the next move. He is using this to get to you,,I have been here and done this so many frickin times with my ex. I swear sometimes the best thing that could happen is if they would finally stick to their words,,they never do!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:04 AM on Jun. 8, 2010

  • I would ask her dad where the hell that came from, and what's going on. There has to be something that is up...it's not like he has her all that often...
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:06 AM on Jun. 8, 2010

  • OP HERE!!!! i dont know why hes done..he has a 1.5yr old to with another woman..and he sent her the same text as well..wants nothing to do with either of his kids!! apparently he does have a new gf now...but..i didnt hear that from him..and when he did come out to see his kids, he saw both at the same time..me and her both live 45-1hr away from him..and he doesnt drive, so he has to take the bu out here..and then he blames the kids, for him getting sick every time he gets back home...which doesnt even make sense, cuz my daughter never gets sick...lol..sooooo i dunnno what his problem is!!
    alexis_06

    Answer by alexis_06 at 12:12 AM on Jun. 8, 2010

  • I wouldn't tell her anything and if she asks about him simply tell her "I don't know. We'll ask him when we talk to him again." It's not your responsibility to explain his bad behavior. Hold him accountable. Just keep her busy and distracted. Love her enough for both of you
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 12:18 AM on Jun. 8, 2010

  • I have 3 girls with a man who only involves the kids when it suits his needs..he only sends gifts when there is a woman to impress....you know I have never explained much to these girls...I left it all up to fate..they are now 17,18 and 23 and they know him for their own conclusions, not for what I have told them. Hell when they call him he yells, "what do you want"
    leave it up to him to set his own path...do not play the games...you only frustrate and anger yourself and set the child up for dissappointment. when she asks where daddy is just hug her and say "I don't know" when she gets older she will ask for his number..you give it to her and the response will be the outcome...your job is to just be there for her and let her get the feel for her dad on her own but without game playing on your end and his..you just stand up to him and tell him the boubdries and let the pieces fall where they may
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:19 AM on Jun. 8, 2010

  • Just wait awhile and see what happens,if he does end up staying away for a long time and your daughter starts to ask about him...like the other poster said, just tell her daddy has some things he needs to work out and let her know that it's not her fault and that she always has MOMMY and no matter what you will always be there for her. Mostly, just be a good listener and if you don't know what to say to her at that moment tell her let mommy think about that and then come sit down with her when you have the words to talk to her about whatever it is that she is asking. Always, be supportive because kids always love the absent parent even though they do not deserver this innocent childrens love.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:31 AM on Jun. 8, 2010

  • Well he's a dumbass. He can't just give up his rights, someone has to be there to adopt your daughter. He can just quit visiting (which makes him an asshole) but he will still be responsible for supporting her.
    heatherann0221

    Answer by heatherann0221 at 1:30 AM on Jun. 8, 2010

  • My daughter is 2. Her dad left me when she was 3 wks old, found him a girlfriend and they just got married 5 mths ago with a baby on the way. Her dad is rarely around and we live 15 min from each other. I live in a state with no family so she is around his family all the time. She actually knows them better than him. Her father comes around when its convenient for him and when he does he takes her around his family so it can look like he is "dad of the year". It bothered me alot because I know him and his wife are having a baby and my daughter will eventually know this and know that daddy is there for the other kid and not her. I personally dont plan on explaining anything to her. Children arent stupid and believe it when I say she will eventually come to understand what is really going on. I was a child whose mom never came around and at 27, I personally want nothing to do with her. He will come around soon and cont
    lilmsnay83

    Answer by lilmsnay83 at 1:50 AM on Jun. 8, 2010

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