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I need opinions on a family matter. PLEASE!

2 weeks ago I was taking my step dad to work and he got a call from my uncle. The entire time I had this terrible feeling that my grandmother had passed so when he got done with the call I asked if she had, my step dad said no. Today, browsing facebook, I found my uncles page and low and behold, my grandmother passed away ON MOTHERS DAY, nearly a month ago! I've been trying to get my grandmothers information, so I could communicate with her but my mom is so bitter she would not give it to me & wanted nothing to do with her. My mom & step dad found out on mothers day that she died and decided to not tell me because they didn't want to upset me because I'm already "depressed" and now they are avoiding me because I found out. That does not justify this. This is not like a little lie I can forgive. This is the MOTHERSHIP of lies. To lie about someone so dear to me, that I love so much being dead. CONT

Answer Question

Asked by Marix3 at 12:42 AM on Jun. 8, 2010 in Relationships

Level 14 (1,755 Credits)
Answers (5)
  • I have so much hatred towards them now. If I would have known I could have atleast went to her funeral or something. We were so close but she was in alabama (oh or texas like MY MOM told me so I couldn't find her) and I am in New York.

    Am I within right to feel this way? How should I even deal with this?! I found out TODAY one of the closest people to me died A MONTH AGO & on facebook at that. I just recently made a facebook so family could not contact me that way & my mom would never give out my contact information, so me being told by someone else was nearly impossible. I'm so hurt..

    Answer by Marix3 at 12:43 AM on Jun. 8, 2010

  • Me & my grandmother hadn't been out of contact that long either, just a few months.

    Answer by Marix3 at 12:44 AM on Jun. 8, 2010

  • That was very disrespectful of all of your family members. If it was me, I would lose contact with them, since they're the ones hurting you & bringing you down. I'm very sorry you didn't get to attend the funeral, to get some kind of closure.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:02 AM on Jun. 8, 2010

  • it is awful... how can u be very close but not know where she is / was ???? I am sad for you, but a ceremony isn;t the only way to show love and respect. Go to her grave site, spend some time, talk to her, have a little going away party, pray, talk to god, see a counsellor, honour her memory in a meaningful way (so if she always sewed, make quilts or nighties for babies in distress, or if she loved gardening plant a special tree or flower bed in her memory). Family do crappy things sometimes, don't hang on to it, or they have won that control, let it go and just think of your grandmother, and honor her spirit.

    Answer by myheartx4 at 1:54 AM on Jun. 8, 2010

  • I also want to say, sometimes family do bizarre and mean things, thinking they are protecting the ones they love. Just let it go. You will never get them to see your side, and you will twist yourself in knots trying to. As hard as it is, sometimes we need to accept that the people we are related to, are not the people we would choose as life long companions. You can let go of your anger - your grandmother knew you loved her, that you cared, whether you found out today or last month doesn't change that, your gran isn't angry or upset, she is waiting patiently for you, and has all the time in the world til you are ready. It's all okay :-)

    Answer by myheartx4 at 1:58 AM on Jun. 8, 2010

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