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Do I SNAP on her now...or later?

I took the advice of one mom who answered my previous question, and I "snooped" through her phone. (My 15yr old 4 those who don't know) Turns out she's made some new MALE friends. A senior (one text said he'd just fin. graduation practice) and someone her age who was letting her know the things he wish he could do to her! Then, I searched her images and found a pic of her in nothing but panties and a bra that she sent to some boy! My whole problem is I got PREGNANT w/her @ 15 and HAD her @ 16! I honestly don't think she's screwing right now, however, I think it's getting to be about that time. I'm PARANOID as shit right now, b/c the I'll give all I have for history NOT to repeat itself! She has such a bright future ahead of her right now,I'm trying to keep her focused w/out sounding hypocritical, there by possibly forcing rebellion. I'm ready to put her on BC. SHOULD I if she still says she's NOT doing it? Help me out mom's!

 
Dmommy4

Asked by Dmommy4 at 2:53 AM on Jun. 8, 2010 in Teens (13-17)

Level 9 (315 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (20)
  • So like I was saying you need to def talk to her. Also let her know that you two together are going to make a appt for a gyno. appt. Let her know its not because you dont trust her but because its important at her age to be checked, and then yearly. You dont have to make it seem like a bad thing. Also let her know that you will not judge her for being honest with you if indeed she is being sexually active. Please do not make her feel bad about herself, or get angry when talking to her if she does admitt it because then you will be back to square one! Although this is the hardest thing talking to our teens about sex, it must be done, and more parents out there need to be there for their kids. She will not tell you anything unless your calm with her. Good luck. But please have a long talk with her, and educate her as much as you can on std's and unwanted pregnancy. And telling her you were a young parent is fine! its a example!
    bellamommyof4

    Answer by bellamommyof4 at 3:19 AM on Jun. 9, 2010

  • Okay, I know i am 21 and im a "young mom" and moms HATE having young moms answer in this section BUT

    I think you should talk with her and tell her the things she has on her phone are inappropriate and you NEVER want to see these on her phone again. I would take her phone from her for a period of time. Let her know she should never put anything on her phone that she wouldnt want the whole world to see. (because it can get passed around)

    I would also take her to your family doctor, and get her a yearly pap smear (you dont have to say to her you are checking for anything just tell her you are going to start taking her to her yearly) and if you already do then perfect! no explaining there with her.

    And i would get her on a depo shot. The pill is a daily pill that at her age she may not remember to do. Depo is every 3 months and you can sched an appt with her and go get it done so she doesnt forget.
    MomNbabyGirl009

    Answer by MomNbabyGirl009 at 2:57 AM on Jun. 8, 2010

  • I wouldnt bring up "i got pregnant at your age and dont want you to make the same mistake i did, you have a bright future ahead of you.."

    it may make her think you consider getting pregnant with her a mistake even though im sure you do not mean it in that way. instead id explain all the things that COULD happen from sex and have any relations like that with another person. keep her informed with it. let her know what could happen if she does things. but let her know she needs to be SAFE no matter what. and let her know if you do end up putting her on BC that the pill shot, or whatever you choose will not protect her from STDs... she still would need to use a condom.

    GL and try and stay calm im sure its hard to do its your little girl, but i know you can do it! just looking for advice like you are shows how good of a mom you are and want to do the best you can for her!! :)
    MomNbabyGirl009

    Answer by MomNbabyGirl009 at 3:01 AM on Jun. 8, 2010

  • I would put her on BC and if she really wants to know why this is just happening talk with her and let her know you don't want history to repeat itself. Being 16 is a very scary age cause your body is changeing and you have things all around you happening the boys the school and things have changed a lot over the last 15 years. You doing a great job momma just keep your head up and stay strong. GL
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:25 AM on Jun. 8, 2010

  • I don't agree with taking her phone because teens really use those things to keep in touch. You could just push her away when what you are wanting is open communication. I would talk to her immediately because, quite simply, she can be charged with transmitting child pornography if she's underage and it is getting sent to underage people. They've really been cracking down on that....at least around here. I also agree with explaining to her that those type of pictures do get passed around, regardless of how much she "trusts" the guy she's sending them to. Plus, you never know when HER phone or HIS phone will need to be looked at by the cell phone guy.

    ShaunnaMichelle

    Answer by ShaunnaMichelle at 3:28 AM on Jun. 8, 2010

  • cont.
    I totally and completely disagree with getting her a depo shot. I took that stuff at 19 and, according to my doctor, it caused all kinds of problems with my ovaries. Now I cannot get pregnant without fertility treatments. Look it up and see some of the complaints on it, it is not something I would do to my daughter. JMO Maybe instead of demanding she go on birth control, you could talk to her about it. Ask her if she wants to and tell her that you will not get mad if she says yes....then DON'T get mad! Just calmly take her in to see her doctor. You are wanting her to be responsible and you are wanting her to make better choices, so explain how you feel and allow her that chance. Good luck!
    ShaunnaMichelle

    Answer by ShaunnaMichelle at 3:31 AM on Jun. 8, 2010

  • Any birth control has side effects. I guess you could do your own research and find out which is best. Teens may use phones now to communicate but its not a necessity!!! It's a luxury. NOT NEEDED. You are her mom and you will decide if you want to take her phone from her at all. Let her know its a luxury and you can take it from her at anytime.
    MomNbabyGirl009

    Answer by MomNbabyGirl009 at 3:34 AM on Jun. 8, 2010

  • It's not hypocritical to say I did it this way and I learned the hard way it wasn't the best idea so don't you do it. That is sharing experience. The hypocrite still does the things they say are wrong. Sit her down and talk to her.
    ImNewHere

    Answer by ImNewHere at 6:08 AM on Jun. 8, 2010

  • You need to re-establish the lines of communication. Teens have sex in school, at the beach, just about anywhere. Please be open with her about protecting her self from pregnancy and diseases. She needs to know how to tell when she and her boyfriend are ready for sex: can they discuss birth control and agree on what to do if it fails? can they discuss what they like and don't like? are they comfortable enough with each other to be naked in the light?

    You should also remind her that legally, those photos are considered to be child porn, and can land both of them in deep trouble.
    rkoloms

    Answer by rkoloms at 6:42 AM on Jun. 8, 2010

  • agree w/ momnbabygirl009. also just so you know, your daughter is now guilty of a crime called texting. If that boy she sent that picture too sends it out or tells anyone she can be charged w/ a FELONY & HAVE TO REGISTER AS A SEX OFFENDER FOR THE REST OF HER LIFE! Seems stupid to me but its the law @ the moment.
    Nyx7

    Answer by Nyx7 at 6:52 AM on Jun. 8, 2010

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