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My daughter is 9 months old and I don't feel....

the way I thought I would yet.

When my daughter was born...I was in shock, I sobbed uncontrollably and didn't want to hold her. I know how terrible that sounds. It's not that I didn't want her but I was overwhelmed. I had problems with her father...he left me at 9 months pregnant and didn't show up for the birth because my parent's did not like him and he could not grow up and be there for me. Shortly after my daughter was born I was put on depression meds for Post Partum Depression but only stayed on them for 4 weeks (I guess that was a mistake) I got off them and finally told the dad to take a hike and moved back in with my parents.

Of course the father caused a lot of problems...acting like he was going to try to take the baby and all that kind of stuff and in the midst of it all I never got the maternal feelings toward my baby that I thought I would.

I love her, don't get me wrong...

More to come...

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 10:17 AM on Jun. 8, 2010 in Babies (0-12 months)

Answers (14)
  • CONT.

    But I just don't feel the way I thought I would/should. I feel more like she's someone else's child and I am just watching her...I go through the motions of motherhood like a robot.

    I don't know what to do. I feel terrible and I feel like I'm crazy :(
    I am scared that I'm going to be a horrible mother to her, her entire life.
    What if I can't be all that she needs me to be?

    Someone please tell me that there's something I can do to feel better and that I'm not the only one this has happened to..

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:19 AM on Jun. 8, 2010

  • you sound like you are still suffering from post partum depression. You should probably see a dr. about it.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:21 AM on Jun. 8, 2010

  • Can you see another doctor? I have PPD, OCD and Anxiety. Zoloft has helped me. There might be a federally funded mental health program in your area.

    Answer by acurran88 at 10:21 AM on Jun. 8, 2010

  • Go back to you doctor and tell them what you said here, they should be able to help you. You may needs medication and therapy, but you can get through this, it sounds like Depression and you need to get help for it now! Good luck to you and your baby.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:22 AM on Jun. 8, 2010

  • Get counseling and get your depression back under control. ASAP

    Take time to to play with your daughter, get out of the house if you don't, join a play group. Go for walks, wear her in a sling so you can get on with your life. Volunteer.

    Answer by amileegirl at 10:22 AM on Jun. 8, 2010

  • It sounds like you have been through a lot. It's interesting that you feel you had to include "I love her, don't get me wrong...". It's okay to not love your baby. Let me repeat, it's okay to not love your baby. First you have to admit that and then you have to be willing to accept that it will happen on it's own or do what you need to do so that you can love your baby.

    I had real problems with my second son. He had seizures and a near miss with sids. I had to do cpr. My husband was supposed to watching him while he napped so I could take a shower and fell asleep. I slept with him on my chest because I was always afraid he would die. Then around 12 mo he started having FTT and horrible diarrhea. Then he got asthma.


    Answer by Gailll at 10:28 AM on Jun. 8, 2010

  • hugs

    Answer by mirit.rose at 10:30 AM on Jun. 8, 2010

  • I can understand exactly what you are saying. My oldest is 4 and I still have issues in that area. We never bonded, the way most parents and kids do because my PPD was so bad. I wanted nothing to do with him for the first 6 months, and then after that, my life just went to hell... We still struggle because I didn't have the same issue with his brother, so I think he feels left out a good bit. It's a constant struggle for me to try and make him feel loved and like he's one of the family... It's hard, but it comes - just keep at it. And I have to say, I agree with the others, get help. I didn't get help, I didn't know I could have, now I know how important that is.

    Answer by SabrinaMBowen at 10:33 AM on Jun. 8, 2010

  • Depression get counsling.

    Don't feel bad, alot of woman/men go through this.

    Your first step was admitting it, alot of people don't and continue to get worst. It is a mental illness, don't be ashamed, or feel like your horrible because you are a loving, kind mother. You can feel it just get help and do it for your self and your baby.

    Trust me everything will fall into place it does not happen over night, but eventually you be better. It takes time, hang in there. You are one step closer to being healthier.

    Good luck!!! If you need me I am here for you.. Kelly

    Answer by KFree907 at 10:33 AM on Jun. 8, 2010

  • His neurologist reffered me to a counselor that worked with parents that had kids with medical problems and I started being able to connect with my son and stop worring that he was going to die every day. The seizures stopped when he was 3. It wasn't until he was 4 that I really started feeling love for him.

    When he was 5 I had another baby and I became very ill. My oldest son had FTT and medical problems too (not as bad) and all of us had genetic testing. It turned out I and all 3 of my sons have a rare genetic immune disfunction disease that causes toddlers to have FTT.


    Answer by Gailll at 10:36 AM on Jun. 8, 2010

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