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Need Ideas (RE: Ex and children's clothing)

My ex never gives back the clothes and shoes I purchase for my children. He will send them back in clothes that he holds onto of mine that are now too small. I cannot afford to keep buying new clothes and I do not want to send my children to school with clothes that are too small or in bad condition because that's what he has for them.

He is not working, but gets the max amount of unemployment, which is equal to what I take home. He lives with his mother and pays no bills, and I pay him child support. He won't pay for their classes or school lunches, so he should have money to buy a few pairs of pants and shirts.

I don't want to be petty, but I CANNOT afford this. I can keep a list of what I dress them in, but that won't make him return the clothing and shoes. Any ideas? I don't want it to be vengeful or nasty or hurt my children, I just need to be able to dress them.

Thanks!

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:37 AM on Jun. 8, 2010 in General Parenting

Answers (11)
  • Send them to Dad's in the clothes he sends them home in.

    Pick up some stuff at a thrift store to send them to Dad's in.
    desert_diva

    Answer by desert_diva at 11:51 AM on Jun. 8, 2010

  • If the two of you are making the same amount, I don't understand why you are paying him child support?
    I had the same problem with my ex - him sending them home in too small clothes. I had our custody order changed to reflect that each of us would have clothing for the children at our home. I also send the kids to his house in clothing that I know he doesn't like - knit shorts and screen print t's for the boys, something very colorful on my daughter - he only likes VERY plain clothing.
    missanc

    Answer by missanc at 11:51 AM on Jun. 8, 2010

  • Be honest.

    Say nicely that you can't afford to keep buying the clothes so If you are not going to return the ones I give you. Then you will be no longer sending them with clothes to stay over, and he will have to clothe them.

    Sad to say but he will get the picture, so try it out. Hopefully, the kids are old enough to tell you what exactly goes on at their visits. He will learn to return them, unless he wants to keep buying clothes for them. You are not being mean, just not be walked all over.
    KFree907

    Answer by KFree907 at 11:53 AM on Jun. 8, 2010

  • I have been honest, and polite. For over a year and a half, I have asked him to return items. Just yesterday he says "oh yeah, I have that, I'll give it back". But, this morning, I texted him because I have only 2 pairs of jeans that fit my ds, and I just went shopping and bought more than 5 pairs of jeans. He immediately gets defensive and starts a fight, then calls me crazy and moody. This is what he does, there's a reason he's my ex : )

    We share 50/50 custody so he gets them 1/2 the week and I get them the other half. So tomorrow, starts his time, and I can send him in pants he bought for my ds, but they are several inches too short. He sends them home in my clothing that he holds onto so it's too small. He doesn't even send them in clothing he purchases. So, I send them back in clothes, he keeps them, and then he sends them to me in crappy clothing. It's so frustrating!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:13 PM on Jun. 8, 2010

  • My DH's ex does the same thing. We have 50/50 custody so SS goes back and forth quite often. I will only send him to her house in clothes that she has sent him to our house in. I write on the labels of all of his clothes who they belong to so I can keep it all staight. I also get him a few outfits from good will to have around in case I need something to send him to his mother's in. I do not ever send him in our good clothes bc I would never see them again. He is now getting to an age where he is telling his mother he does not want to wear dirty, too small clothes bc kids are making fun of him. She is just now starting to buy a little better clothes for him-and he is 12.
    Carajust

    Answer by Carajust at 12:58 PM on Jun. 8, 2010

  • That's what I was going to do...go to Goodwill to get clothes to send them to him in. I told him that too. They are 7 and 4. I don't want my children feeling bad because they don't wear decent clothes, but I just cannot afford to do this anymore. I have lost lots of clothes like this. I do write in the labels too, and now I'm going to write a list of what they wear every day when the leave my home (he currently picks them up from school). This is just so stupid to me. Why is it so hard to be concerned enough about your children that you would want to buy them clothes they can wear. Not even trendy, expensive clothes, just ones without holes and that fit! He keeps sending my son in pants with holes in the knees that I think may have come from the school and then says I send him those. Well, only when I have to since that's all you provide! Ok, now I'm just venting : ) Thanks for the ideas.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:11 PM on Jun. 8, 2010

  • This is what works for my sister who shares custody.
    SHE washes and sends home what the kids came to her house in and HE does the same thing.
    They kids have clothes that dad buys, and clothes that mom buys. They NEVER get put into the drawers at the other house. As they exchange kids, they also exchange the bag of clothes...EVERY time!
    christyg

    Answer by christyg at 1:15 PM on Jun. 8, 2010

  • I have given him his clothes in a bag, but he won't do the same. I don't put his clothes away, I keep them out and dress the kids in them or give them back if, for some reason I have more than what they wore over. The problem has become that they are not in good condition, so if I send them in those clothes, A. they look horrible B. He will send them back in those clothes regardless of the fact they are his, not mine. Or, he doesn't send them in clothes he purchases, so I have to send them in clothes I do purchase and then he will send them back to me in clothes of mine that he has held onto and that no longer fit my children. Therefore, I lose my "good" clothes.

    He's not a "normal" person. He's quite delusional and unable to be logical and work with me.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:25 PM on Jun. 8, 2010

  • i agree with mommas above! go to thift store. And send them to their dad's with only one change of clothes. Maybe he will buy his children clothes if he feels bad enough. Or maybe grandma's brain with get hit with a mother-switch and kick her son off the couch to provide for them.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:10 PM on Jun. 8, 2010

  • Go to the thrift store yourself. Your kids don't have to know what they're wearing came from. And when you walk in the house with bags of clothes, just tell them your friend gave them to you. I take my children to the thrift store and I tell them it's a like a large indoor garage sale. And my daughter loves to go garage sale-ing, so it works. Besides our kids can learn a lesson or two about humbleness and the value of a dollar. I don't think this recession is going anywhere soon.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:17 PM on Jun. 8, 2010

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