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No desire for sex...

I have never in my whole life had a real desire or even liking for sex. I don't orgasm, unless I use a vibrator on myself. I have tried to please my husband for 5 years and he was very needy. I can't just let him have it whenever he wants and now he's left. We were planning on going to see a therapist for help and to figure out what is wrong with me, but my husband still wanted me to just turn over so he could get off. I am tired of feeling like a piece of meat. I understand he had needs too, that is why we were going to get help.

I know I'm probably not normal. I chalk it up to being molested as a child and my husband's lack of help with the kids. He says "I work and pay all the bills," and that is why he shouldn't have to do anything when he gets home. And why I should give myself to him whenever.

Should I have just let him have me even though I didn't want it? Should we still try to fix our relationship?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:30 PM on Jun. 8, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (6)
  • Wow i'm sorry but your husband sounds like an Ahole. I would be relieved to get rid of him if he's just taking up space not doing anything anyway.
    I don't orgasm, never have and im thinking i never will. I can't even make myself orgasm, not like ive tried many times, i think masturbation is pointless. I do however like having sex every now and then. I somewhat understand where you're coming from, i've been raped 3 times and i do think that plays a role in the desire to have sex but not the trouble having an orgasm.
    havokx

    Answer by havokx at 12:34 PM on Jun. 8, 2010

  • i was molested as a child when i was 6. then raped when i was 17. i don't really have a desire for sex either. i could go the rest of my life without sex and not care. the only good thing that has came from it was my son. i have never had an orgasm. i suggest therapy. if you want to make your marriage work. you should get therapy for yourself too. so that you can move past what happened to you and begin to like sex for yourself.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:35 PM on Jun. 8, 2010

  • you could benefit from therapy, but you gotta talk with your husband. i was raped and it was horrible... and even now- years later- i still have flashes from the past about it. MORE when my SO wants to have it and i'm not in the mood, but i do it to please him... nothing worse than practically FORCING yourself to do it. sounds like you need to make LOVE, somethign your DH doesnt get b/c if he did- he wouldnt be treating you like a piece of meat knowing your history.
    Shy_Dia

    Answer by Shy_Dia at 12:49 PM on Jun. 8, 2010

  • Ive been with my man for 5 years now as well. & I guess you could say we're kind of on the same boat.. Except I wasnt molested as a child ( so sorry to hear this ). I have never had an O. Im a stay at home mom, and my husband is the same way.. He pays the bills, I stay home.. Cook, clean, take care of the kids and everything else that needs to be done. I think there are a few things I want to say here, they may be helpful to you, maybe not. But, one thing I have difficulty with is being with children from the moment I open my eyes until the moment the close theirs, by time they go to bed, Im not really in the mood for sex bc Ive been with kids all day its hard to just, I dont know, want sex after a long, exhausting day. Another thing is, my husband is much like yours, he comes home and as soon as the kids are in bed he wants sex or a BJ (lol).. And 95% of the time
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:58 PM on Jun. 8, 2010

  • (cont.) [95% of the time] there is no romance involved. He just wants to get straight to the point. But, I think maybe if you guys try to get each other excited for love making then you'd enjoy it more. Have him give you a full body rub, or kiss on your neck & body. Do the same for him and I think you would both be ready to go. But also, my husband feels like he shouldnt have to do anything because he works, and I cant really say too much to him, bc he does support us.. But, maybe the fact that you feel like he isnt doing all he could. Let him know he needs to show appreciation for all that you do and be grateful, not just expect it from you. Like they always say, you dont know what you have until its gone, and maybe its time for a wakeup call.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:02 PM on Jun. 8, 2010

  • It sounds as if you need therapy to get over what happened regardless of anything else.
    Nothing like thats happened to me but I do know I have no desire for sex when its just expected of me or when I'm taken for granted elsewhere.
    jackdaw

    Answer by jackdaw at 3:15 PM on Jun. 8, 2010

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