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Would you allow them to be friends?

My daughter is friends with my nextdoor neighbors daughter. The girl is 13 and my DD is 8. The 13 yr old acts less mature than my daughter though. I think she may be a bit slow. I've never asked her mother. I do know that the girl seems a bit weird. Not that thats a bad thing usually. But she is constantly giving my DD presents. Kinda like buying friendship. And then I've heard some rumors of her stealing things. She was also sent away and my DH was told that the girl tried to commit suicide. I think the girl needs a friend. But I'm not sure she's the best influence on my DD. My DD always wants to play with her and I don't want to disapoint her but sometimes I think it would be best to separate them.

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SalemWitchChild

Asked by SalemWitchChild at 2:11 PM on Jun. 8, 2010 in General Parenting

Level 23 (15,594 Credits)
Answers (8)
  • Your daughter has an opportunity to befriend someone in need, why deprive any of them of that?If you are concern just keep a close eye on them.
    older

    Answer by older at 2:15 PM on Jun. 8, 2010

  • maybe you could supervise their playtime until you know the girl well enough to form your own opinion about her. maybe none of the rumers are true, and she's just a lonely little girl. i know it's easier said than done, but it's hard to tell an 8 yr old she can't play with the next door neighbor unless you have a really good reason.

    bestmommyeber

    Answer by bestmommyeber at 2:16 PM on Jun. 8, 2010

  • That is tough. I think I'd limit their time together and only allow it when you can monitor pretty closely. Maybe let the girl come over to help you and your daughter bake cookies or play games in the living room. You can also tell your DD that her friend is too old and needs to play more with older kids, though a little time here and there is ok. Also, try to encourage friendships for your daughter with girls closer to her age, and invite them over. We had a situation where a younger girl was constantly coming to play with my daughter, and I had to limit that because being around her made my daughter act less mature.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:20 PM on Jun. 8, 2010

  • I would supervise them together if you are concerned, and also try to find a diplomatic way to talk to her mom - some way to find out if there IS anything you should watch out for, just so you know where to put boundaries. Maybe you could say you have heard some things, and you don't want to assume that rumors you hear are true, but you were wondering if there was anything she (the mom) needed, or anything you could do to help? Hopefully that would open the door for her to tell you about anything you might need to know, without you making any kind of accusations even indirectly...
    FelipesMom

    Answer by FelipesMom at 2:40 PM on Jun. 8, 2010

  • Sometimes having a friend is just what someone needs. I wouldn't take that away from either one of them. If they want to be friends then just keep an eye open. I don't think she would try to commit suicide with your dd there. Usually people do that when they are despondent and in pain. If she's playing with your dd then she's probably in a good place, mentally.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 2:52 PM on Jun. 8, 2010

  • Supervise their playtime so you will always be in earshot of what the other child is saying to your daughter.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:38 PM on Jun. 8, 2010

  • Talk with the mom. You need to know the truth if your daughter is going to be friends. That's not to say that if the girl is troubled that you need to run, but you need to know, ya know? Maybe your daughter, and you, can help her. I can't help it, I have to help people. But you need to know, for your daughters safety. And if the girl is stealing, too. The more info you have, the better choices you can make. You can't always trust things you hear. And of course, as the others said, supervise!
    Raine2001

    Answer by Raine2001 at 4:26 PM on Jun. 8, 2010

  • Go with your gut, you have a mothers instinct for a reason.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:37 PM on Jun. 9, 2010

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