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20 year old stepson living at home need advice?

I am frutrated every day with my 20 year old stepson. I have 2 children 13 and 11 and we have a 7 month old together. My stepson has been out of school for 3 years. The first 2 1/2 years he didn't work. He finally got his first real job in the last 7 months. He only is working weekends. All week when he is home he sleeps or plays video games. He comes and goes so he is not always home. When he is and I'm cleaning and doing the normal chores I am resentful and in a bad mood. When he isn't here I'm happy. I bitch at his dad all the time for 3 years. I think he should contribute. If he can't financially. Then help around the house. His dad sais he's grown and I can't force him to do chores. My kids do chores everyday more then then my stepson. He shouldn't compare my kids with his. Mine are children. My husband is probably sick of the nagging help!

 
mommom2000

Asked by mommom2000 at 2:23 PM on Jun. 8, 2010 in Adult Children (18+)

Level 24 (21,584 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (13)
  • I agree with nytefae. It's your house, your rules! My step mom would have kicked my ass out of the house if I ever did what your step son is doing. My advice, tell him to get a full time job, contribute around the house or get out. Not only is he taking advantage of you and your husband but you aren't doing him any favors either, what is he learning about the "real world" when you let him do as he please and basically mooch off you and your husband?
    newmomma14

    Answer by newmomma14 at 7:56 PM on Jun. 8, 2010

  • talk toy your step son... tell him he needs to help you. he's an adult, treat him like one. your husband says he is an adult, so he shouldn't be upset when you get his son to do things around the house.
    gracefulsky

    Answer by gracefulsky at 2:27 PM on Jun. 8, 2010

  • Sit down with him and talk to him about life as an adult.


    Go over rules in the home and contribution to living there.


    Write up a contract where he will agree to paying money towards  rent, and share of utilities, hos own food....encourage him to spend his free time during the week searching for a fulltime job, do some volunteer work in his field of interest/study and let him know he has until the end of the year to live like an adult in your home.


    If he has an issue with it, let him know that these are the same things he will pay for and have to do once he has his own apartment and its easier to get experience at home doing these basic necessities of life.....parents are easier  on a young adult starting out, than a landlord.

    virginiamama71

    Answer by virginiamama71 at 2:30 PM on Jun. 8, 2010

  • Actually, you CAN make him do chores. He may be an adult but he's living in your house. He needs to abide by your rules. He should have a FT job at his age, paying all of his own bills, and, since he's staying with you, helping with yours. If he doesn't want to contribute to the utillities then he should be finding other ways to pull his weight like cutting the grass, taking out the trash. It's time his dad made him live in the real world.

    My younger brother was the same way. Sleeping in, video games, never helping. Mom told him get a FT job, get out, or join the service. He's in Alaska in the coast guard now. :)
    nytefae

    Answer by nytefae at 2:39 PM on Jun. 8, 2010

  • I have talked to him. When I ask him to do something like empty the dishwasher, him and his dad thinks he contibuted so he had to work for 5 minutes all week. I can't ask him all day every day to do something it stresses me out. I think if he isn't working and he is home he should do more then a 5 minute chore. His dad only backs me up when he can't take me no more. but he dosen't follow thru.
    mommom2000

    Answer by mommom2000 at 2:39 PM on Jun. 8, 2010

  • make a list of things that need to be done throughout the week... post it on his door, and tell him that the list is his to deal with... anything that is not done on it will come out of his paycheck straight to the person he essentially hired to do it for him. (if he doesn't do it, it's either you or your kids, correct?) his choice.
    gracefulsky

    Answer by gracefulsky at 2:43 PM on Jun. 8, 2010

  • His dad and I fought about it today. So before he left he told him to weed out front, and then his dad left. He did go outside and picked the weeds in my front rocks He was back in the house in- no lie- 4 minutes. His dad will say see he weeded today.
    mommom2000

    Answer by mommom2000 at 2:46 PM on Jun. 8, 2010

  • sounds like you need to be more specific. lol! with my daughters, i actually have to STAND there and point out every little thing for them to pick up... of course, they're only 4 and 2, but maybe he needs that kind of direction... as for the "see, he weeded today."... make sure he walks around the entire house to see all the weeds he picked.
    gracefulsky

    Answer by gracefulsky at 2:51 PM on Jun. 8, 2010

  • If you don't have your husband support your words to his son mean nothing. Your are not going to win this one.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:51 PM on Jun. 8, 2010

  • his dad keeps using the economy for not working full time. I have heard this for three years. But you actually have to look before you can blame the economy.
    mommom2000

    Answer by mommom2000 at 2:54 PM on Jun. 8, 2010

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