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why is it alsways me when it comes to sd...what does bm do?

ok i love my sd age 10 to pieces..but everytime she gets droped off on fridays she has a HUGE knot in her hair and i always sit there and get it out onetime took me an hour and i tell sd she is old enough to do thsi if u need help ask bm.. then our weekend comes and its a rats nest her whole head was a knote..WHOLE HEAD.. her whole scalp. i count get a brush threw it. so i decided for once i will not be the one to do the work it should be bms trouble to get it out and make sure 10 yr old does it right she brushes her hair and hides the knot in a pony tail and when bm says brush ur hair she brushes outside ponytail but underneath,,,knote. when she is here i tell her to brush and i will check it if i feel a knote do it again. till its knot free. so why always have me do it dosent her mom care? dsd said bm is to busy to help me.. and thats sad. so what would u do? i did send her home w/ the huge knote first time doing that .

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 11:43 PM on Jun. 8, 2010 in General Parenting

Answers (27)
  • OP HERE.. i always get the knot out and take the time. but why send her to me..why cause she will know sd will go home w/ clean soft brushed hair? i have been doing this far to long and im about done. im sure bm isent happy right now but she needs to also partake in this. but yet im gonna be the jerk. so how would u have handled this...i will also add we have told bm she had a huge knot and we took care of it but please check her hair when she says she brushed it. i agree she is 10 and knows better but dosent.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:47 PM on Jun. 8, 2010

  • You're arguing about hair? And your punishing the SD over something her BM won't do? Maybe her BM does help, but SD won't say it. Or maybe SD needs to use a different type of shampoo/conditioner, and use a detangling spray.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:47 PM on Jun. 8, 2010

  • Take the girl and get her hair cut short.


    Answer by Gailll at 11:53 PM on Jun. 8, 2010

  • LOL I would talk to BM and let her know.(could also send a note if not on talking terms) and she is 10 she should know how to brush her own hair WTF....and i do agree with some detangler i like aussie brand and it is cheap.(if bi-racial use Just Fer me)

    Answer by lendales_mommi at 11:57 PM on Jun. 8, 2010

  • i have bought stuff at the hair dresser for her hair. along w/ detainglre. im just tired of always being the one to sit and do this all the time. and im not pushing sd over to mom its just maybe if bm actully has to be the one to deal w/ this maybe she will make time to make sure sd does it. and bm herself has said " i dont have time in the morning to check her hair" and her husband said well maybe ill set the alarm 1/2 early so u can help. i also told bm what stuff i have here and offerd to pick some up for her and sd loves the stuff. i dont see why sd would be going to school like that and bm isent fazed by it. but always when they get droped off i handle it i help takecare of it, she never has to do anything xcept check her hair to make sure she actully brushed it. and just keep it going. the childs hair was so bad she looked like she was wearing dredlocks and it would be fine if thats what she was going for but thatsnotit

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:00 AM on Jun. 9, 2010

  • hi there, how long is her hair? If it hasn't been trimmed recently, get that done, it will make the brushing easier. Next when she arrives, chuck her in the shower (lol not literally), get her to wash, then condition. Now when it is time to rinse - get her to duck her head under for a sec then back out, all the water and slippery conditioner will make thaose knots come out way easier - I do this with my girls - they have hair like fairy floss and its a nightmare to keep knot free. Now tell SD she will get an inch cut off each time she comes to you with knots like that - eventually she will either end up with hair short enough it can't knot or she will realise you are serious and start brushing. A ten yr old should be able to brush her own hair (not necessarily put it up or braid, but brush definitely) If Mom doesn't like it, she will help her - ur DH has as much right to get her hair cut as BM

    Answer by myheartx4 at 12:08 AM on Jun. 9, 2010

  • PS you are the one who has to keep doing it cause you are the one who is bothered by it. BM isn't bothered, nor is SD , just you. If I decided my daughters all MUST have their teeth flossed every day, it would be my job to ensure it is done, cause it doesn't bother the other people in my house that it isn't done. Its part and parcel of parenthood, that if you set a standard , it is up to you to keep it enforced.

    Answer by myheartx4 at 12:11 AM on Jun. 9, 2010

  • What the heck is SD amd BM ? How can I read this stuff with all the abbreviations? Is this a secret language???
    Oh who cares...really. Looks like a very trivial question.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:14 AM on Jun. 9, 2010

  • my sd has beatiful long thick red hair.. we all love her hair. she is a beautiful 10 y old. so i agree w/ myheartx4 when she comes on fridays she will brush her hair jump in shower asap and get it all out and hopefuly not deal w/ the monster knot everytime i get to see the kids.but sadly when i get her on fri its to late the monster makes the apperence i can see it as soon as she walks in the door.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:15 AM on Jun. 9, 2010

  • sd= stepdaughter and bm= birthmom. dh= dear husband

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:16 AM on Jun. 9, 2010

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