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my son needs his dad, but instead he's taking care of his gf's kids any advise?

my son is 6 his b-day is on the 15th of this month and his dad is too busy for his own son or so he says. and I am just fed up he takes care of his gf's 2 daughters that aren't even his children and I even signed child support on him and those checks only lasted 4 months now he quit his job and dissapeared. My son is so inocent and alls he wants is to spend time with his dad. It just breaks my heart i don't know what to tell my son. I need some advice PLEASE!!

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Asked by Anonymous at 4:44 PM on Jun. 9, 2010 in General Parenting

Answers (13)
  • Don't give your son any hope. Buckle down and just care for your son on your own. he's already shown what type of man he really is,just let him go. Get him a mentor like the Big Brothers program has.

    Answer by butterflyblue19 at 4:46 PM on Jun. 9, 2010

  • I understand. I had similar issue with my son's dad. Unfortunately in my story, my son learned for himself and he is about to be 9 in July. I would be truthful with him and explain that daddy is selfish. I let my son call and leave messages for his dad, until he no longer asked to call him anymore because his dad would change his number or not return his calls. I did not have to bad mouth his dad to him to see the big picture. I have also sought for him positivie male role models that he could talk to and he is doing a lot better. Bless you.

    Answer by twdivine24 at 4:51 PM on Jun. 9, 2010

  • I agree with butterflyblue unfortunately. It sounds like his dad is totally unreliable and the sooner your son realizes this, the better. Don't bad mouth his father, but do be honest regarding the expectations. Many times your son may take his anger and frustrations out on you, because you are always there, but in the end (and it may be years and years down the road) he will be old and mature enough to see his father for who he really is and he will see what you have done and sacrificed for him and he will thank you.
    Hang in there, I know this is not easy, I have many friends going through this situation right now.

    Answer by KTMOM at 4:51 PM on Jun. 9, 2010

  • I know it hurts u that his dad is acting like that.......and i wish that no child had to go through that. This baby daddy is the one who is missing out on something great....your son will grow to see that u were there with him from day one and that his dad didnt care enough to want to be with him. I say take care of your son and when he gets to an appropriate age, tell him y his dad isnt in his life. Be that great mom u know u are, and give your son a great life. Dont worry about baby daddy cause he will never truly be happy because of how he has treated his son. Good Luck and i hope all works out for the best of that child:)

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:53 PM on Jun. 9, 2010

  • I've been there and I know how angry it can make you feel. But can't do anything to change him, he has to want to do it on his own. So theres no sence in mentally beating yourself up for it. Your son deserves a happy mommy..and thats not going to happen unless you don't allow that man to make you angry any longer.
    I know it breaks your is very hard to see your child suffering because he wants the other parent so badly and you love him so much that you can't understand why his dad doesnt want to be there as much as you do.
    Hang out with your son,take him to the park to go on picnics, play ball,play tag,take him won't replace his dad but it will take his mind off of his hurt for awhile. In the end, your son will know who was there for him.
    Good Luck.

    Answer by kimberlyinberea at 4:55 PM on Jun. 9, 2010

  • find him a great stepfather & hurry up

    Answer by PURPULbutterfly at 4:56 PM on Jun. 9, 2010

  • Just take care of him the best way u no how and just bc he disappeared does not mean u give up on child support he will only make it hard on him by getting behind on cs. You just do what u have to n don't give up on what is owed to u n ur baby GL

    Answer by Butterfly1108 at 5:05 PM on Jun. 9, 2010

  • My parents divorced (badly) when I was young. Both remarried. My stepmother would not allow my Dad to be around me at all. I never even met her. At her insistance they moved far enough away so he could not see me. As a child this was really hard. But my mother never bad mouthed him. She dealt with the situation like an adult. I could not be with him because he had moved away. Yes he still loved me. But the answer was no. Seek out other men who can be a positive influence for your son. Relatives,church,scouting,etc. The way you handle this problem will help him the most.
    When I was twenty he divorced her and came back into my life. Full of appologies. After I got to REALLY know him I now fully understand why my mother divorced him.

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:08 PM on Jun. 9, 2010

  • You can't force a father to be a dad, so your alternative is to explain to your son that he is busy all the time with work just do not bad mouth him to your son, that never serves a good purpose no matter what a dick he is! He will eventually realize this by himself as he gets older. It must be very hard on you to see your son yearning for his dad, but from you have said I would say he is better off without him.

    Answer by older at 5:17 PM on Jun. 9, 2010

  • my bio dad disappeared when my mom told him that she was pregnant. i didnt know anything about it till i was 12 because my mom married another man when i was 1 yr. They divorced when i was 5, but I had always known him as my dad. When my great grandfather died it sort of came out from an extended relative.

    What I always thought and still believe is that HE is the one who missed out on me. He obviously didn't/doesn't deserve to know me. I wouldn't tell your son that his dad doesn't deserve him and I would try not to bad mouth him....but I would be honest. I would say that his dad isn't able to be there for him like he needs and that you do not know when he will be able to be there the way that both you and your son would like. Let him know that no matter what you love him and will be there for him always. Good luck!!

    Answer by aly38914290 at 5:24 PM on Jun. 9, 2010

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