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I think SD is becoming a mean girl!

I haven spoken with my SD about how she treats people. I have explained to her how I was treated as a child and how that feels. I have told her that God does not like it if she is not nice. I still hear her being mean to others. One time she was playing with a little girl down the road and the girl across the street showed up. She likes the girl across the streat better so they took off running away from the girl down the streat so they didn't have to play with her anymore. How can I make her undertand how that feels?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 7:53 PM on Jun. 9, 2010 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

Answers (7)
  • you keep doing what your doing, she is young, most kids go through a catty phase, and usually then they have this happen to them and they discover what it feels like. She has to experience it herself to understand, it's part of life.There are lots of books aimed at playing nice, including others. another thing you can do is role play, and have her be the one being left out - get her to talk as if she is the other kid and say how she would feel.
    myheartx4

    Answer by myheartx4 at 7:57 PM on Jun. 9, 2010

  • I have told her that God does not like it if she is not nice.
    That's a bit much if she is in this age bracket - how about it makes God sad when someone is being treated mean... Don't focus on what she is doing, focus on how the other child feels - that will hopefully develop empathy, otherwise you have a child who just knows to hide the behavior better, without having any heart for the other child
    myheartx4

    Answer by myheartx4 at 7:59 PM on Jun. 9, 2010

  • once, when i was 5, we lived on base in HI... my friend down the street had a sister that was blind. she would run away from her and be mean to her, so i thought thats how i was supposed to act. my mom found out that she were running away from her, so she couldn't play with us and took me straight home. once we got there she grabbed one of her scarves and put it over my eyes... i had to spend the entire day with that on; i had to eat, go to the bathroom, "watch" tv... everything. at the end of the day, my mom took it off of my eyes and told me that what i had done all day was what that other little girl had to do every day of her life. she couldn't take the blindness off.

    maybe you need to show her what it's like? talk to the other kids' parents and set up where the kids have to ignore her or run away... and if she wants your attention, maybe you could ignore or run away as well. with some kids, you have to TEACH empathy.
    gracefulsky

    Answer by gracefulsky at 8:00 PM on Jun. 9, 2010

  • I guess it is pretty awesome that you are there to watch her and teach her though it takes repetition with some kids' personalities.

    I read a young children's book today for the kids which i thought was good called "Sorry" about a kid who would do stuff and say sorry but never felt empathy or anything. the same author had a book called secret bully I have yet to read about a best friend bullying her "friend"...

    I would say keep teaching her. If she and the frtiend ran off together leaving the other out., i would not let her and the friend she ran with play for a day or two to teach her about this, then when she was ungrounded, be especially nice to the girl they ran from, and apologize. then play with both.
    txdaniella

    Answer by txdaniella at 8:09 PM on Jun. 9, 2010

  • When you hear her actually say and do those things, you need to make direct contact with her. When she took off down the street, go get them and bring them back to the little girl she was mean to. Have her apologize to the little girl they were mean to and you should explain to the two girls, your SD will be coming home with you and she won't be allowed to play until she can be nice to all of her friends. Have the little girl that was left behind tell her how she felt. Let her see her sadness and pain she caused. Then take her sorry little butt back with you to your house. Children don't go through a catty phase. They act how they are allowed to act. She's seen this behavior before and it apparently was successful. I see this all the time in daycare and you need to confront it and fix it asap or it will continue and get worse.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:57 PM on Jun. 9, 2010

  • okay, I have allowed all my children to go through a catty phase then !!! Look, this isn't a daycare age group, little girls learn from lots of places, not just their family how to behave -she goes to school? You can bet she has seen it there, I do think they all try it out to see if it works. How you handle it is up to you, but you also don't need to vilify her for not wanting to play with a child - yes the way she went about it is wrong, but she has a right to decide to not play with someone - if you have a BBQ do you invite every person you come in contact with, or do you invite those you are closest to? Or do you have a friend who is great in small doses and you are looking for an escape hatch after an hour? Kids have those feelings too. Explain how her method was wrong, but the more you carry on at her and tell her she's a mean girl, the less she's going to like the neighbor.
    myheartx4

    Answer by myheartx4 at 10:55 PM on Jun. 9, 2010

  • I would have brought her into the house and made her sit in the window and watch as the other two girls played with each other. I would have told her that everytime she is mean that she will be sitting in that window watching everyone else play. Yes, children learn to be mean at school and they go through these phases, but if a parent never corrects them and allows them to continue, then it does go on.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:49 AM on Jun. 10, 2010

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