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How much should I expect?

I have been with my SO for almost a year, and he has never been married and has no children. I have 2 young children. He knows we are a package, and he is really good with them and they adore him. I am just wondering how much to expect of him as far as doing things with me and my children? I share 50/50 custody with their dad, so I do have child free time. He stays at our home sometimes on the weekends that I have my children, and sometimes does things with us, like going to a child's class or something. I want to make sure I'm being fair to him and to us in what I expect.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:23 PM on Jun. 10, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (7)
  • You have the right to expect whatever you want for you and your children
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:26 PM on Jun. 10, 2010

  • You should actually talk to HIM about this. Communication is key to the success of a relationship. Ask him what he finds fair and what he would find to be ideal.
    SoniaL

    Answer by SoniaL at 3:27 PM on Jun. 10, 2010

  • Well, why don't you ask him personally? Our idea and his could be completely different, and the important thing is that you're not in a relationship with us, but with him! lol.
    ManicMomma02

    Answer by ManicMomma02 at 3:27 PM on Jun. 10, 2010

  • You set the boundaries - don't leave it to expectations. Without good communications expectations can fail you.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 3:30 PM on Jun. 10, 2010

  • I had 3 kids when I met my husband, who had never been married and had no kids. He does everything for/with them that a typical dad would do. We talked about it fairly early into our relationship, that IF I were to ever marry again and have more kids that I wanted ALL of the kids to be treated the same, have the same amount/types of interaction, etc. So I don't think your expectations can really be too high, but you need to talk to him about it.
    missanc

    Answer by missanc at 3:32 PM on Jun. 10, 2010

  • I agree with Manic---you need to talk to him,, I honestly wouldn't have overnights when my kids were home,, that is their time,, and if he chooses to marry you and you choose to marry him you will be setting a great example for your kiddos! Sounds to me like he is doing pretty good,,what do you think you want,, the only way to know is to TALK about it,, good luck momma!
    kimigogo

    Answer by kimigogo at 4:05 PM on Jun. 10, 2010

  • Talk to him. If he understand that you're all a package deal then he should know that he will have fatherly duties even though he is not their father. I've been with my SO almost a year, he recently moved in with me and my kids. I also have two children from a previous marriage and share custody with my ex. My SO has no kids and has never been married as well. He still does just as much for my kids as their dad with the exception of parent/teacher conferences. He sometimes brings my 5 year old to school, and/or picks her up. We do things as a family all the time. He makes them lunch, puts them to bed, and other daily activities if I'm not home. He is usually the one who does the bedtime stories - the girls like it more when he reads to them. Last week I had to work a 10 hour shift and so he took them out to the zoo.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:43 PM on Jun. 10, 2010

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