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Do you believe a mother should get residential custody even if the father can provide better for the child?

My brother broke up with his girlfriend after a 6 year relationship because he found out she'd been cheating on him the last 3 years they were together. He has a 1 year old son with her and even had a paternity test to prove it was his child - now he wants residential custody because his girlfriend is living in a one bedroom apartment which she shares with a friend and her two kids - the 3 kids all sleep in the bedroom, she sleeps on the floor and her friend sleeps on the couch. The house was in my brother's name so he kept it - it has four bedroom, and a spacious living room - he also took one of the bedrooms and made it into a playroom for his son. My brother's ex also missed the last 3 doctor appointments for their son, my brother was the one who always took him to the doctor. My brother also lives in a better school district and has lots of family nearby to help babysit...(continued)


Asked by Anonymous at 4:22 PM on Jun. 10, 2010 in General Parenting

This question is closed.
Answers (47)
  • Fathers are just as good at parenting (sometimes better) than mothers. There is no reason in the world your brother shouldn't have custody if he can provide a more stable environment. Just because a woman gave birth does NOT mean that she is the only one capable of raising a child. The court system is terribly biased in this area, your brother is going to have a fight on his hands. It sucks and it's wrong. Hugs to you and your family, your brother is going to need your support.

    Answer by Scuba at 5:39 PM on Jun. 10, 2010

  • brother has always been a hands on father, his son has come first since the day he found out he was going to be a dad. The problem is he is getting grief from his ex, her family, and even some of his so called friends about how a child needs to be with his/her mother and that one weekend every other weekend isn't a fair visitation schedule.

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:24 PM on Jun. 10, 2010

  • Tell him to apply for custody.

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:24 PM on Jun. 10, 2010

  • He's not taking the child away from seeing his mom. He's just providing the child with a stable home. She can have visitation

    Answer by admckenzie at 4:25 PM on Jun. 10, 2010

  • I think every child deserves to be with whoever can provide the best life for them

    Answer by peanutsmommy1 at 4:25 PM on Jun. 10, 2010

  • A mother should never loose residential custody because she has less income or lives a in a worse living situation. Never! As mothers lets hope courts keep it that way. Women almost always have less income after a divorce or break-up. Sometimes people live in crowded situations. Kids may be happier and healthier doing that then living with a father in a big 4 bedroom home. A better school district doesn't mean a better education. The most important factor in a young child's education is the teacher and there can be bad teachers in good districts and good teachers in bad districts. You can't decide where a child lives based on school district.

    It sounds like your brother threw them out and now they have to stay with friends. This is most likely a short term situation.


    Answer by Gailll at 4:34 PM on Jun. 10, 2010

  • The nicer house and the m oney doesnt make the parent. If he will be a better full time parent then he should file for custody.

    Answer by mommymeg03 at 4:36 PM on Jun. 10, 2010

  • {OP}: My brother didn't kick them out. He told her he wasn't going to play games anymore and that he wasn't going to be in a relationship with someone who has screwed half the town for half their relationship. He told her she could stay at the house until she could get her own apartment - he even offered to put down the security deposit, she waited until he went to work and packed up her stuff and took the baby with her and because there's no court ordered custody yet they automactically have joint custody and he can't force her to bring the baby back. Even now he told her she can move back into the house and take one of the other bedrooms and when she mentioned him dating he said he wouldn't bring any women home and that he'd even wait until after she had her own apartment to start dating. Her issue is that she doesn't want to lose my brother's money and is trying to use the baby to get him to stay in the relationship.

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:50 PM on Jun. 10, 2010

  • If she " is trying to use the baby to get him to stay in the relationship (and) doesn't want to lose (your) brother's money" WHY wouldn't she stay with your brother? I think there is more than meets the eye here. And she wants to stay away so bad that she will sleep on a floor every night even though there is an offer to sleep in a nice 4 bedroom house? idk.... Your brother will have to go to court for full custody if he wants the baby. It's not up to us to decide, it's the judge and what the parties can prove. But it was entertaining to answer nonetheless.

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:09 PM on Jun. 10, 2010

  • {OP}: She thinks that by staying away he'll change his mind and ask her to come home AND be a couple again. She doesn't want to stay with him if he isn't going to be her boyfriend. I understand people make mistakes and my brother even told me he loved her enough that he may have forgiven one mistake but she's slept with countless men for half of their relationship and even admitted that she had no idea who's child she was carrying until he was born and we all saw how much he looked like my brother and the rest of us. (He has his father's facial features, my sister's eyes, and my youngest brother's hair color).

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:19 PM on Jun. 10, 2010