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when do i have the right to stop supporting him?!

we've been together for almost 2 years. he had a good job in teh past, but this last year, he's been having bad luck in the employment area (gets hired- but keeps getting fired/laid off)...

within just this year alone- 2010, i've blown through my entire savings. its not alot b/c i've only saved for 6-8 months, but all $700 is gone. even now- when i have no money, he asks for money for gas, etc. i dont have a job anymore... he has a new job now (started today), its not much, but he could be getting like $250/week. i'm hoping he'll start paying me back (he still owes 400) faster. he had a crappy job before where he was getting only $80-120 checks so even tho he did pay $300, its always in like $20-50.

i just feel that if he loses this job- i will go crazy! i need to get employed ASAP, but no one wants to hire the single mom (DS isnt his) b/c my time is limited (school- FT). i feel like i'm about to lose it!

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:40 PM on Jun. 10, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (5)
  • we dont live together... i want to, but i want to get a job first-- plus see if he can actually keep a job for more than 5-6 months! we dont share any bills, etc.

    i feel like our relationship is riding on this job-- that if he doesnt pay me back the full amount soon, and if he doesnt get himself outta the debt/hole that he's in... and he loses this job... he will lose me as well.

    is that bad? i love him with all my heart- i want to marry him. i see him as my future husband, he's amazing with DS (plays dad role sinde BD isnt there), DS loves him.. he loves us.. he doesnt abuse/degrade me- he supports me (emotionally, at least) and is there for me. overall, he's amazing- its just the job/money situation!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:42 PM on Jun. 10, 2010

  • If this is how it is and you guys aren't married, with no kids, it's not going to get any better if you were to get married. Literally, it's shape up or ship out. Seriously...don't live your life like that. Do not give him money.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:50 PM on Jun. 10, 2010

  • Can you get unemployment while you are out of work? How about CS? If you really want to have a future with him I'd sit him down and tell him that you both need to work on a budget together so you can save and have a future bc the other option is to go separate ways. Give him something to work for, his future with you
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 9:51 PM on Jun. 10, 2010

  • i cant get unemployment b/c i quit my last job (third shift- classes in the AM, dead tired by afternoon with DS being home alone since i needed to get sleep- i wasnt making enough for a sitter). trying to find a daytime job, but its hard b/c class lets out at 2 and i can only work til 6, when daycare ends. i do have a CS order, but BD hasnt paid since Sept 08 and he never really will. he works under the table, as well as sells drugs (the drugs alone is 1600 a month- i know b/c before DS, i was in the same lifestyle- i'm trying to stay away from it.. but i will admit- its tempting)

    i guess i do have to talk with him. it just sucks b/c i dont want to have an ultimatum with him, but i feel that its what i'll be doing-- either work or we're through... and why should it matter if he works if i dont even work, kwim? doesnt make sense to me. although i am in school and he isnt. financially- we're equal with nothing.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:08 PM on Jun. 10, 2010

  • I'd be concerned about what kind of man he is that he is okay with borrowing money from you when you have no job and a son to raise. Seems to me that he'd be willing to do anything (pizza delivery, McDonalds, UPS, whatever) to keep from having to do that. You borrow money from your mom or your buddy, but not the woman you love. I agree with whoever said it won't get better when you get married. He needs to know that being your husband will mean he's a grown up that can support and take care of himself and a wife/her son. He hasn't proven that to you. Lots of people have good intentions...unfortunately, they don't get you anywhere unless there is actions that follow them!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:51 AM on Jun. 11, 2010

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