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I want to save my marriage how do i know if he wants too (No bashing please)

dh and i have been together 6yrs and married 2 and have a 2yr old son, about dh drinks almost every weekend but does pretty good at not acting stupid, but about 3 weeks ago he went out on friday night and started drinking didnt go to bed until late saturday and was drinking the whole time, on sunday i came home and he was acting like everything was fine i told him how pissed off i was and he told me he was done with this and i said whats that mean and he said he wanted a divorce then i seeen he wasnt wearing his ring so i said why are you the one asking for a divorce i should be and he said we cant get along and i told him im really trying but i takes too and you cant just run off to the bar or with friends for every little thing, so we talked and talked and talked and we are trying to make it work i have changed my ways and tried not to b*tch at him and be a good wife cleaning cooking and trying everything to make him happy

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:21 PM on Jun. 11, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (10)
  • but i dont feel he puts any effort in we have been getting along very well but like last weekend he wanted to drink and i was upset and told him i would like to do something and he said i thought you were going to quit bitching about that, we ended up going to truck pulls that was fun but he had to drink also
    hes a good guy when he isnt around friends that get him drinking but when he drinks at home hes wonderful and doesnt do anything wrong i just want to feel special like i have been treating him so what do you think is there anything left??

    hes a hell of a worker hes always kept a job and made sure we have what we need
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:23 PM on Jun. 11, 2010

  • straight out ask him....best way to find out anything.
    faithnseansmama

    Answer by faithnseansmama at 3:23 PM on Jun. 11, 2010

  • I don't think he wants to save his marriage. sorry.
    Blabbermouth

    Answer by Blabbermouth at 3:23 PM on Jun. 11, 2010

  • Go to a professional counselor. They make it fair, help you work through it and both sides can discuss their concerns. Both sides need to change, not just one or the other. If you can't afford it, talk to your parish minister. Most churches have someone that is trained in that too. Good Luck.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:24 PM on Jun. 11, 2010

  • hes only 21 and im 22 im trying to just let him do whatever it is and i try my hardest not to get mad im working to change myself to make him happy what would you do in my situation??

    op here
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:26 PM on Jun. 11, 2010

  • Okay first of all telling him you are upset about him going to bar is not "bitching". Men love to throw that word around and say that you are just nag so that they can justify their behavior. I agree with blabbermouth. From what you told us it sounds like he really doesn't want to work it out. Maybe you should be straight foward in asking what he wants when it's not in the heat or an argument.
    lowencope

    Answer by lowencope at 3:29 PM on Jun. 11, 2010

  • i have asked him and he said he wants me and our son, but i still feel like he cant give up friends or beer just for one weekend to spend w/us.. i really feel that he does love us just doesnt know how to show it both his parents were drinkers and were never around when we argue over something stupid he runs away i feel like he cant get close to ppl and when someone gets close and he knows its going to far or someone loves them he pushes them away he never ever got to do anything with his parents his gma pretty much raised him i feel so sad that he went threw that i love him and i really think his past is preventing him to love us and be a family thats the only thing he knows to do...
    op here
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:32 PM on Jun. 11, 2010

  • Tough situation. He may be dealing with his own demons and does not know how to. If you want to save the marraige keep the lines of communication open. You do have the right to state how you feel, no one can take that away. You are right in that the both of you have to want this. Counseling is a good idea. If he is not interested in couples therapy then you go and work on you. After a time, he may want to join you. Sometimes different ideas or situations scare us and maybe you putting forth the effort will help him. Sorry but if he is not willing to work on it then it will not last.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:45 PM on Jun. 11, 2010

  • I think that you should seek counseling for yourself. It seems like you are willing to let him do anything, not say when he has done something that has upset you. You say you want to be a "good" wife, cook, clean and not bitch......I would not call that a good wife or a relationship that is strong. You should be able to talk to each other about what concerns you as well as what makes you happy. And it is a two way street. I really think that you are very young and this relationship screams RUN, RUN, RUN. It sounds like it has the potention to turn into an abusive relationship if not physically definately emotionally. I really would urge you to work on you and your self esteem with a counselor. You deserve to have someone who treats like you matter.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:54 PM on Jun. 11, 2010

  • both of you are young. i don't think he wants the responsibility of a family life and marriage. maybe he thought he wanted all of that when you got married. being together and being married are two different things. he should respect your reasoning for him to not go out drinking all the time. if he's not making an effort to save your marriage then it's not going to work. it takes two people to make a marriage last. if he decides to get a divorce remember you're still very young and you will find someone who wants the same things as you. good luck.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:13 PM on Jun. 11, 2010

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