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How do I react?

How do I react when my husband tells me he loves me but he is no longer in love with me? I still love him and I want to make things work. We do have other problems including a female friend of his that is constantly needing someone to help her. I do not think he is having an affair but he is emotionally attached to her. I thought that was our only problem because he has been telling me that he loves me and wants to be with me. But I am in counseling for some issues and he needs some space to deal with my problems. He is turning to her for help and vice versa and I am left holding the bag with our teenage daughter. I don't want to leave him, I really have no where to go, no friends, no money, and no job. How do I get him to fall in love with me again? I have tried to reconnect with him but he is not open to anything that I am trying.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 4:35 PM on Jun. 11, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (9)
  • dont be needy and try to grasp at your relationship. be happy and confident. It will be more attractive to him. very hard what you are going thru! Ask him to cut off contact with his friend whle you work on your relationsip.

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:41 PM on Jun. 11, 2010

  • If he wants to be with you I would suggest he attend counseling as well, then marriage counseling for you both. Turning to this female friend is only making things more difficult for your marriage to succeed. If he has said he no longer wants to be with you then it might be time to let it go. Start by finding a job and focusing on you. Your teenage daughter is old enough now that you going back to work will not be disruptive to her or your household. It hurts but in the long run you and him will be happier for not wasting anymore time. If he isn't willing to do the work on the marriage it isn't going to work with just one of you are working at it especially if he is turning to another woman for support and who knows what else.

    Answer by Tawanda74 at 4:45 PM on Jun. 11, 2010

  • How do I react when my husband tells me he loves me but he is no longer in love with me?

    If my man were to tell me this, I would set him free for him to fall in love because a marriage with a loving but not tha kind of loving feels wrong, it wouldn't be fair to me or to him to stick it out.

    Answer by older at 4:50 PM on Jun. 11, 2010

  • I have asked him to end the relationship with her. He has told me to like it or to contact an attorney. But I brought that up today. He never said that per him. He told me he would stop the texting and so forth. I thought he did but it was doing it behind my back. Per him, I am the one with the issues he is doing nothing wrong. My trust and insecurity issues are driving him away. I am working on these in therapy but it has only been a few weeks. He tells me that he knows it will take time but he has had enough. I quit work last year due to stress and to spend time with my family at his request. But now, he throws it in my face about not working and never having any money. I know it is hard for him too. I just dont know how throwing it all away, answers anything.

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:53 PM on Jun. 11, 2010

  • well it seems like he doesn't want to be in the relationship anymore. since he's not going to give up his friend to work on your relationship. that's ridiculous. work on your issues first. then worry about making things work with him if you still want to. seems to me like he doesn't want to work through the hard times in your marriage. he needs to quit talking to that friend. it will just cause more issues for you. i wish you the best of luck.

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:58 PM on Jun. 11, 2010

  • He has not left nor have I. He keeps talking about some of our future plans together. I really just done udnerstand and I have tried to talk to him after our huge fight but the timing sucks with our daughter. He is going to counseling with me next week. Or least that was the plan yesterday. He has agreed to doing something fun with me later today but all I want to do is fix this and move on with our relationship. He does not understand why I need to talk about his statements. He thinks that all the talk was done. I tried to explain that you cannot make comments like that and leave someone hanging. He wants me to believe he is confused and that he does love me. I have been trying for days to find ways to reconnect with him and build our friendship back. But everything I try turns him off even more. I think I am trying to hard but I dont know what else to do. I do not want my marriage to end without fighting for it.

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:07 PM on Jun. 11, 2010

  • If he is trying to blame all the problems on you and not taking equal responsibility for the marriage to work then you just need to leave him and move on. He is not good for you at that point.

    Answer by momoftwins240 at 5:21 PM on Jun. 11, 2010

  • Stop worrying about what he is or isn't going to do at this point it doesn't sound like he even knows what he wants. As I mentioned before focus on you and what you need and want. You say you want the marriage to work but honestly it sounds like he has already walked away from it. It's like he is just waiting for you to fix everything and he gets to sit back and do nothing. That will not work, it takes both of you to fix it. Don't try so hard, ease up a bit. You said you had security issues, if he knows this and wants your marriage to work then giving up this female friend should be at the top of his list of things to do to save y'alls marriage. Maybe you and him should agree not to discuss any of this until your counseling session next week. Be open to him if he wants to do something fun with you tonight but don't make a fuss if he doesn't, wait to discuss next week. Right now it sound y'all are going in circles.

    Answer by Tawanda74 at 5:57 PM on Jun. 11, 2010

  • What would happen if the roles were reversed? What if you had a man and texted and were connected to him? I have to say that during the 25 years of my marriage I have told my husband I was not in love with him. I really wasn't. However he and I worked on things. I was feeling alone and frustrated. Find time to reconnect with him, try to get him to go to couples counseling. It is hard for some men to do. Hopefully you will have some one to work on your marriage with.

    Answer by mmmegan38 at 7:34 PM on Jun. 11, 2010

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