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How do I explain who this man is to DD who is almost 2? (PIOG & PIOA)

So, after a year long deployment DD's BD now wants to be in her life. Wasn't in it much before the deployment either. Maybe 20 hours her whole life. She's 20 months now, but when this happens she'll be 23 months. I am moving back to the state he is stationed in in September. He wants to be in her life now. She has no idea who he is. To her DF is her daddy. I don't want her to get confused, and possibly hurt if he decides to not be there again. I plan to introduce him as his name. Then later when she's older explain who he is and let her decide what to call him.

I wonder if this is the right way to do it? Any advice mamas? What age should I tell her who he is? And if it's not a good way to do it please give suggestions. I want to protect my daughter as much as possible, but I don't want to be one of "those BM's".

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Sparta.

Asked by Sparta. at 5:49 PM on Jun. 11, 2010 in Toddlers (1-2)

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (3)
  • Well, if he's legally her father, whether he's a good one or not, he has the right to tell her, and to have her call him Dad....unless your husband is her legal father. It would be best if she just always knew about him, whether he was there or not. Not all Dad's are good dads. My oldest son is mine from a previous marriage. His father took more visitation than many, but the older he got the less visitation he took. There was nothing I could do about it. He's an adult now, he's always known who his biological father is, but he also knows that his "Dad", my husband, is the one who went to every teacher's conference, coached his little league games, and made sure that he had anything he needed. You can't keep her from being hurt by her dad. There is no way to stop that. It's entirely up to him. The only thing you can do is try not to say bad things about him, and be there for her always to count on. Good luck.
    ohwrite

    Answer by ohwrite at 5:59 PM on Jun. 11, 2010

  • I just want to add that if you try to keep her from him, at some point when she's older and he comes around, she may believe that it's your fault she doesn't have a relationship with him. Do your best, and as long as he's not abusive, let him be responsible for his relationship with her.......
    ohwrite

    Answer by ohwrite at 6:00 PM on Jun. 11, 2010

  • I wouldnt try to "explain" it really. He's just a man in your family's life. Like an uncle or something for now. Talk to DF and dad and come up w/ a name that she can call him that everyone is comfortable with. "papa" or something. Explain to dad that you (and maybe even DF) will want to be there for the first several times they get together. You arent going to just drop off your daughter to a total stranger. Once she's older you can explain the whole birthfather/step father thing. But for now let's just see if this 'wanting to be in her life' thing even sticks.
    new_mom808

    Answer by new_mom808 at 6:14 PM on Jun. 12, 2010

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