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How do I explain who he is? (PIOG & PIOA)

So, after a year long deployment DD's BD now wants to be in her life. Wasn't in it much before the deployment either. Maybe 20 hours her whole life. She's 20 months now, but when this happens she'll be 23 months. I am moving back to the state he is stationed in in September. He wants to be in her life now. She has no idea who he is. To her DF is her daddy. I don't want her to get confused, and possibly hurt if he decides to not be there again. I plan to introduce him as his name. Then later when she's older explain who he is and let her decide what to call him.

I wonder if this is the right way to do it? Any advice mamas? What age should I tell her who he is? And if it's not a good way to do it please give suggestions. I want to protect my daughter as much as possible, but I don't want to be one of "those BM's".

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Asked by Sparta. at 5:50 PM on Jun. 11, 2010 in General Parenting

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Answers (4)
  • He's her dad. Having 2 dad's is not that confusing for kids. Granted he may not have been around much prior to his deployment, but that shouldn't be held against him. He has every right to see her and he has every right to have her call him dad. As she get older she can decided for herself who "dad" is.

    Answer by SAHMinIL2 at 6:01 PM on Jun. 11, 2010

  • He can be Daddy John at first, eventually she will drop the John part. Lots of children call both Daddies, Daddy. You can explain the difference when she is older. Hopefully he will stick around. As for the DF, my husband was deployed for most of our children's lives so, they knew they called him daddy but, really didn't know what that meant and if they saw him in WalMart they wouldn't know who is was. Anyways, good luck. It is better for her to know them both. :)

    Answer by matthewscandi at 6:02 PM on Jun. 11, 2010

  • I explained to my son when he was 4 who his "Uncle Mike" was. He had been around for a long time but, had no legal rights so, we took our time. Chances are she will not even know the difference. I honestly don't think she will go looking for an explanation, my son didn't. If she does just tell her that Daddy John is who helped you make her and Daddy Joe is the one who is there most of the time. But, that won't be for awhile.

    Answer by matthewscandi at 6:05 PM on Jun. 11, 2010

  • mathewscandi- lol you're the reason im in this mess! lol :)

    I did write him, and he said he does now want to be there, and I am all for that, but i dont want her to get hurt.

    Answer by Sparta. at 6:12 PM on Jun. 11, 2010

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