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Why did you choose the adoption route you did?

So, I'm new here and I've been browsing this section to find there are lots of questions with people asking about the process of adopting. Which is best/cheapest/etc and answers where people go through pros/cons of fost/adopt, international, and domestic. I know I can get all these details from website research so that is not what I am looking for. I want to hear your stories and WHY you chose what you chose. Why was international/foster/domestic best for you and why did you rule others out. Please don't argue which is best or if someone has a "bad" reason. I just want to see about individual stories and I feel your reasons were valid for your family. I just want to know what they were while trying to navigate my own decision! Thanks ladies!

 
MarlaMomma

Asked by MarlaMomma at 6:43 PM on Jun. 11, 2010 in Adoption

Level 8 (226 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (16)
  • We started out by sending letters to all kinds of agencies in our state asking about adoption. Some of the responses we got were very shocking focusing more on how much money we could get our hands on not what kind of parents we would be. Or they would put an emphasis on how they could get us a healthy child. So we decided to go the opposite route and adopt special needs children from the state. There are thousands of children that are considered "unadoptable". It turned out to be great. The cost for us was nothing but it varies state to state. Some states do charge a very small fee.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:58 PM on Jun. 11, 2010

  • When we originally started looking into adoption, I knew some people who used a local agency. I went & picked up an information packet (which I had to pay for) and it listed the thousands of dollars we'd need to adopt & that nothing was guaranteed and we'd lose much of the money if the mother chose to keep her child. A friend of mine had adopted 2 siblings from foster care and told me to check it out. I knew it took a long time, and there were no guarantees there either, but we only had X amount of money that would allow us 2 tries domestically & we wanted our savings to raise the child/ren. We went to CPS, signed up for the training, and the information we received there was heart-breaking. We couldn't NOT do it. We got dually licensed to foster/adopt so that we could bond at the youngest age possible. Our 1st was a newborn whom we had 4 months, placed with a relative & it was a good situation for her. (con't below)
    doodlebopfan

    Answer by doodlebopfan at 1:53 AM on Jun. 12, 2010

  • Our 2nd placement came 2 hours after the 1st one left. He was 6 months old and eventually his parents' rights were terminated, all family members were ruled out as permanent caregivers, he needed a family, and we adopted him. The cost is very minimal and sometimes free. Our out of pocket expenses for the adoption were around $1200.
    doodlebopfan

    Answer by doodlebopfan at 2:00 AM on Jun. 12, 2010

  • We discussed adoption on our first date at the age of 16...we both wanted to adopt from China one day whether we had biological children or not. Fast forward to 95' and we got married at the age of 20. China's laws at the time were 35 years of age, so we tried to conceive, but were unable to do so for 7 years. We finally went on Clomid and I got pregnant right away. Our dd was stillborn at 36 weeks. Dh began discussing adoption, but I was not strong enough mentally or physically to contemplate children again.
    When I was finally ready, we discussed all options briefly and neither of us felt able to bring a child into our home from foster care and become bonded and relinquish that child back to his/her rightful parents. Domestic didn't feel right to us as we felt like we would be taking a child from someone that could parent...so, we went back to China. It took 2 years to bring our dd home.
    mcginnisc

    Answer by mcginnisc at 7:31 AM on Jun. 12, 2010

  • I always new I would adopt, then it was just a matter of God's leading. We started out domestic infant, but that was not the way I originally felt tugged. Our agency sort of pushed us that direction. After sometime, we regrouped and insisted on them getting us on track for international. We chose Korea because we felt lead toward China, but weren't old enough to meet that country's requirements at the time, and Korea was right next door! LOL It seemed logical, or probably was just God's plan! : ) We adopted twice from Korea and then when we were old enough adopted a waiting child from China.
    mommyheymommy

    Answer by mommyheymommy at 12:36 PM on Jun. 12, 2010

  • We decided to do infant domestic adoption but also decided we wanted to parent a black child. A lot of thought went into the process and we have an organization in our area that links paps to other lawyers and agencies around the country who have a situation but no pap currently on their client list who wants to adopt a biracial, black, or special needs child. One bonus for us was the wait is usually three to six months and can be much much shorter. We are in the process of planning for a second adoption and this time we have chosen to do foster/adoption through the state but we are also going to be on a list with the organization we went through for my son. If a situation comes up with them that the child is already born and parental rights have been terminated then we will consider the request. My bet is we will go cost/adopt. We are working actively on our home to pass muster. It may take many months but we are
    frogdawg

    Answer by frogdawg at 1:17 PM on Jun. 12, 2010

  • Fully committed. I am also excited about fostering and I have some thoughts about transitions from one home back to another. At the very least I am looking forward to providing a safe temporary haven for a child until they can return home.
    frogdawg

    Answer by frogdawg at 1:20 PM on Jun. 12, 2010

  • frogdawg...."My bet is we will go cost/adopt". (FOSTER ADOPT???)


    We are working actively on our home to pass muster. It may take many months but we are Fully committed. I am also excited about fostering and I have some thoughts about transitions from one home back to another. At the very least I am looking forward to providing a safe temporary haven for a child until they can return home.


    FROGDAWG, I am so excited for you! It's challenging, but you have seen from the SW side how much need there is. Good luck to you, friend!  

    doodlebopfan

    Answer by doodlebopfan at 3:10 PM on Jun. 12, 2010

  • Thanks everyone for sharing your stories with me. Keep them coming!
    MarlaMomma

    Answer by MarlaMomma at 8:13 PM on Jun. 12, 2010

  • I feel blessed that my husband felt the call to adopt just as strongly as I did. It made the decision much easier after we found out we had fertility issues.

    We both felt like it was important for us to help the kids right in our own backyard so we chose to become foster parents first. Then when the opportunity came to adopt one of our foster children and it just had God's hand all over it. Fostering is definitely difficult and requires a strength I didn't even know I possessed!! Once our girls are a bit older, we'll start the process all over again!
    mommytoadam

    Answer by mommytoadam at 9:30 PM on Jun. 12, 2010