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Does anyone have some good advice for me?

I really do need some advice. I've been with my SO for the past 5 years and we are getting married soon. Before my SO, I only ever dated one other guy. I was 15 and he was my first boyfriend. My mom hated him and constantly caused problems, so I broke up with him after 6 months. We never did anything more than have some above the wasit touching. I was single for 5 years before I met SO and I've been with him ever since. I lost my virginity at age 20 to SO and became pregnant 6 months later. I haven't been with anyone other than SO, but lately I've been feeling very attracted to SO's friend. I know I won't ever act on it because I don't cheat, but I can't stop thinking about him. Even when SO and I are intimate, I'm thinking about his friend. I've thought aout suggesting a threesome, but I think SO would be mad. SO has suggested one with another female, though, so who knows. What do I do?

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 8:06 PM on Jun. 11, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (12)
  • Anon :13 here

    Well KNOWING that he likes you back changes the situation quite a bit. In my situation it is ambiguous so it's easy to brush some things off. For example if we lock eyes, I can say it's just my imagination and it didn't really happen or that he was just making eye contact during the conversation. If he says something complementary toward me I can say he's just being polite. If I KNEW he liked me it would be a lot harder to brush off those interactions.

    It doesn't bother your husband because he trusts you. That is a good sign of a healthy relationship. Threesomes are toxic to even the healthiest relationships. Think of the afternoons you spend with your SO and kids, the happy times... do you really want to loose all of those times for a quick romp with another man that you are only chemically attracted to?

    This is the internal dialog I have with myself. Maybe it will help you?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:35 PM on Jun. 11, 2010

  • Never invite a third person in your bed unless you want heartache and pain and divorce.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:09 PM on Jun. 11, 2010

  • Well first of all, I don't think a threesome would solve your problem. In fact, it would most likely cause more problems PLUS you SO is not likely to go for the idea of a threesome with another guy (just a hunch).

    I too have recently found myself having feelings and thoughts of my SO's friend. I don't know why I can't get this guy out of my head, but I can't. Like you, I'll never ever act on it. The best thing I can say is try to stay out of situations where this guy is around. It's okay to have a silly little crush, but you have to keep it in check. I haven't seen the guy I've been thinking of in about two weeks, and I must say that it's way less severe than it was when I saw him more frequently.

    Just keep it to yourself, and know exactly what it is. It's a crush with little meaning and nothing more.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:13 PM on Jun. 11, 2010

  • Oh, SO has even told me that his friend likes me and he doesn't think anything of it, which I find odd. Also, I haven't seen said friend in almost 6 months now, so I don't know why I keep thinking about him.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:15 PM on Jun. 11, 2010

  • bad bad bad idea. One of those 3 relationships will be RUINED>
    new_mom808

    Answer by new_mom808 at 8:17 PM on Jun. 11, 2010

  • if its been 6 months since you've seen this guy he must be hot to still be thinking about him. YOu're not married yet, but if you do go down that road, be prepared to not get married.,
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:59 PM on Jun. 11, 2010

  • I found out AFTER I got married that my husband slept with a co-worker a couple of times while we were engaged. This devastated me. I felt betrayed and lied to. When you stand at that alter, saying you're vows there should be nothing to hide. If you want to have sex w sm1 b4 you get married, you need to be honest and tell him you need a break. If you do cheat and even if he doesn't find out now, it will come out eventually.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:01 PM on Jun. 11, 2010

  • SO's friend is very good looking and he's so much more like me than SO is and I think that's why I'm attracted to him. He's a very shy person, as I am. He's also got a sense of adventure about him and a great sense of humor. SO's not very fun and would rather go out with his cousin and drink than do fun stuff with me. I just don't know what to think or do. I love SO, but lately all I think about is his friend and wanting him so badly. I think I need to get my head on straight or something.

    Oh, SO did kiss my best friend when we were dating. I was pretty upset, but I did let it slide. Maybe I should get a free pass before we get married and just get a kiss or something. Or maybe I'm insane and need to just let things go.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:08 PM on Jun. 11, 2010

  • How about a foursome with his friend and her gf? That keeps it fair and balanced. In truth, if it were me I'd take a break from him and date other men and make sure this is what you want for the rest of your life.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 9:12 PM on Jun. 11, 2010

  • first off no man is going to agree to a three some with another man. they want threesomes but with other women. you should not do a threesome with him because it's just going to cause issues in your relationship. if you aren't sure how you feel about your so don't get married until you know for a fact you want to be with him for the rest of your life. maybe you should take a break and see how you feel about your so and his friend. then see what you want.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:27 PM on Jun. 11, 2010

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