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okay so i was told to post this here and maybe some of you would be able to give me advice or an idea on what to do. I have a child with a man who was/is abusive, i left him almost 3 yrs ago and since he has left military. I have moved on with my life(didn't have is address i couldn't file for divorce and he wouldn't give it to me) i have a child with the guy i'm with now i have known him for 11 yrs and now i'm being told that my husband has legal rights to my youngest which isn't his, me and my boyfriend/fiance have made out life in to shifts i'm up all night hes up all day and i sleep till he works, i've called lawyers, talked to congressmen, and the news wont help, i cant leave state with her or i get nailed with kidnapping and id have no where to take my 2 kids, i cant get a dna test with out my "husbands" okay.. PLEASE if someone has any idea on something i can do that i haven't tried i would love your input. Thank You!

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 6:45 AM on Jun. 12, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (10)
  • is there a custody order? he abused you so was this ever documented? if so that will help with going to court to seek full custody. i doubt there is any way you can do this on your own. its too tangled. you are going to need a lawyer

    Answer by sati769leigh at 7:26 AM on Jun. 12, 2010

  • You ARE going to need a lawyer, this will need to be hashed out in court. What I don't understand is your husband (since you are not officially divorced is STILL your husband regardless of whether or not you have moved on) is NOT the father of your younger child? You stated you had a child with that man, but then you say it isn't his? Does your husband know this? Clearing up that issue may just get rid of all of the other issues you're dealing with. Then you can get the DNA test to prove it, and the divorce so you can marry teh man you're with now, and REALLY move on with your life!

    A judge WILL grant you the DNA test, and the divorce, but you really need to do these things first before anything else. Contact a local Law College and see if their are graduate students that are working on legal cases that can either argue in court on your behalf for free or little money, or give you solid legal advice!

    Answer by LoriKeet at 7:42 AM on Jun. 12, 2010

  • There are ways around "him" giving you the divorce. You can post in a local paper whenever he lives and if he doesn't contest then you can get your divorce. I wish you luck and no he doesn't have any legal rights to your youngest.

    Answer by coala at 8:10 AM on Jun. 12, 2010

  • Get involved with child protective services, then they will do a dna test if there is a question of said child. Who the father is.I didn't say it was a good way but it IS the only one that is 100% able to do what they want & tell ex to do the test if there is any confusion over who dad is.Do with this what you want.

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:44 AM on Jun. 12, 2010

  • First off you didn't need your dh's address to get a divorce. An attorney would have told you that. You just needed to post it in the paper of his last known address. I highly suggest you do that now. Does he know about the second child? In some states the dh is the legal father no matter who the bio father is (been there done that). Find a family law attorney for your state and ask. Try legal aid or the attorney for the local Domestic Violence shelter. Just remain calm. It's possible that you can give custody to bio dad and be safe. I've never heard of the fact that dh has to give permission for a DNA. I wouldn't tell the lab about dh. I'd take bio dad with me and have the test done.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:00 AM on Jun. 12, 2010

  • Honestly, you really need to talk to a lawyer that specializes in Divorces, preferably one with experience in Domestic Violence. I'm sorry that I hadn't "met" you before he had gotten out of the military, because there are ways / resources that you could have used to MAKE him give you his address, etc..

    Oh, and for what it's worth, if you want, you could also talk to the lawyer about the fact that, since you were still legally married, the whole time he was in the military, he was REQUIRED to provide you with medical care, and he had to give you a certain amount for support (even if you're legally separated) - at least the BAH differential. Not to mention child support (past and current) if he's wanting to insist on the legal claim to your youngest, well, that could be a double edged sword...


    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 9:06 AM on Jun. 12, 2010

  • cont

    Have you maybe pointed out to him that he could simply give you the divorce and admit the youngest isn't his, or you can go his route, and sue him for all the back money that he owes you...

    BAH differential, btw, means that whatever his housing allowance is (even if he lived in the barracks or on the ship) for whatever area he was in (even if you don't have the exact addy - it's based on the zip code of the base) - he would have to give you the difference between what the single and married housing allowance for him - and this would count for every month, every duty station, the whole time you were married and living apart - IF you wanted to push it... You would need to talk to a lawyer though to go about trying to get it. (Since he's out now, that makes it harder, but shouldn't be impossible.)

    He might decide that his controlling and spite is just a bit too expensive, kwim?

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 9:10 AM on Jun. 12, 2010

  • After one year has come and gone with your husband being absent and you don't know his whereabouts, then you will be granted a divorce. Normally, you will have to post an ad in the paper ...under legal announcements...stating you are looking for him and would like to serve divorce papers. A certain amount of time goes by, if no responce, you are entitled to the anullment of your marriage. I'm suprised the lawyers you've called didn't make you aware of this.
    Also, if you carry a child while still married...whether it is the husbands or not...the child must have your husbands last name. Once the divorce is final, you can work all that out. But get the divorce FIRST and FOREMOST. Good Luck to you and your family.

    Answer by kimberlyinberea at 10:07 AM on Jun. 12, 2010

  • You can get a guardian at lid em for the children through the court say the father is attempting to use them to manipulate and control the situation. This person can help the DNA and also help you get representation. call your local bar association to see who specializes in these cases and also call the local shelter for battered women they can help you with this as well. GL Momma


    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 10:49 AM on Jun. 12, 2010

  • any judge would force him to a paternity test, that is the dumbest thing i ever heard! Ive been thru that, and if there is no custody in order then it is not kidnapping, obviously you have had the child this long! Really? I mean go to a lawyer, get the test and demand child support if he wants rights!

    Answer by JoLee12345 at 2:28 PM on Jun. 12, 2010

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