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my 3 1/2 year old son wont listen what so ever

im haveing big issues with my son he wont listen at all and its just gotten to become a even more bigger issue.. i cant take him out in public because he acts out and screams like a girl for example me and my bf went to the trip to the mall last night an he acted out with his screaming like a girl and touching things and laughing when we tell him no.. im at my wits end my bf has 2 other kids from a other realationship and we want to be able to do fun things like going to the zoo and parks and kid friendly things together with summer just around the corner, but with my sons behavior that wont happen and those tri wont be enjoyable can any ladies help on any other ideas because me and my bf tried counting we tried timeouts and taking things away and no special treats or snacks even a show on tv we took that away. please help

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Asked by kris8525 at 10:56 AM on Jun. 12, 2010 in General Parenting

Level 10 (434 Credits)
Answers (12)
  • Well, at 3 1/2, he probably hasn't had a lot of discipline, or he would already be trained. You have to start from day one. Now that he's at the age he is, you are going to have to get forceful. A good swat on the butt is what it will take. You can't just sit back and label him as a bad child. This is YOUR fault, not the childs'. A child has to be trained. It takes commitment and strength, not lazy parenting. He's your child, not your BF's. I say stand up and make that child into the kid you want. Your his mother, be strong and discipline him. Take control!

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:00 AM on Jun. 12, 2010

  • The reason you are having problems is because all of the things you are doing aren't effective parenting techniques. You need to learn new skills. I laughed when you actually included counting. It teaches kids they don't need to behave right away, if at all. Here is a famous article about how to get the behavior you want without saying no. It's a famous article.

    Time-outs teach kids to sneak and lie. Behavior gets worse and they resent their parents. It does not stop bad behavior or teach good behavior.


    Answer by Gailll at 11:06 AM on Jun. 12, 2010

  • My kids were so well behavied that some people were concerned that I beat them! I never hit or punished them. I knew that was ineffective parenting. I knew I wanter to be a great parent and enjoy my kids. I can thank Elizabeth Crary. I read her book Without Spanking or Spoiling When my oldest son was a toddler and it shaped my parenting forever.

    Her book Love & Limits is a good first book. She has a web site called star parenting. This book is a problem solving based parenting method placing responsibility for the child's behavior on the parent. It's not that your child won't listen (you really mean obey) it's that you aren't being an effective parent.


    Answer by Gailll at 11:14 AM on Jun. 12, 2010

  • You should never swat your child as the first poster suggested. It never teaches good behavior. It is such a bad practice that it is illegal in some countries. People on cm will tell you to pop, hit, smack, spank, slap, bite, and do other horrible things to your child. It won't get the kind of results that you want in the long run.


    Answer by Gailll at 11:18 AM on Jun. 12, 2010

  • Children are VERY perceptive. I think his behavior stems from the fact that you have a boyfriend, he has children that you are trying to "force" upon him, you work, and so to make himself heard, he acts out! Where is your son's father? It sounds like he doesn't come first in your life--you may think he does, but shuttling him around to daycare, other people's homes, and expecting him to behave when YOU want to do things is NOT looking at things from your child's perspective.

    I may be missing something in your story, but I can see a lot of issues that should be addressed FIRST, before you expect your 3 1/2 year old child to just "step in line and go with the flow!"

    Answer by LoriKeet at 11:28 AM on Jun. 12, 2010

  • my sons father wants nothing to do with my son nor pays child support !!!!! my son comes first

    Answer by kris8525 at 11:39 AM on Jun. 12, 2010

  • My daughter will be 4 next month.... and has been acting like that too ! She is even at the point where she tells me she hates me and wants me to move away from her.

    So the other day my friend ( was mad that she was talking to me like that) told my daughter that since she treats me like that, then she ( my daughter) is going home with her...she even picked her up and took her to her car.... I scared my daughter straight and ever since then she has basically been an angel lol..... this morning the first thing she said when she woke up was " Mommy I am sorry i ahve been bad, I promise I will be good"


    Answer by glamomomo at 11:51 AM on Jun. 12, 2010

  • OMG! Our Sons must be twins! It's very hard, I know. Gailll can you please come over my house for a week or two!!! :) Just kidding but I will take all your advice too, thanks!

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:53 PM on Jun. 12, 2010

  • wow... screams like a girl? how about screams like a toddler... would this behavior be acceptable if he were a girl??? you are using food and tv as punishment/reward.... bad idea.... sounds like he needs more attention than he's getting. he gets attention with his actions, even if negative... that's why he continues. you need to actually talk to him about his behavior - he is capable of understanding. take some time to make sure you are interacting with him in a focused period of time - playing with him even if only for 5-10 minutes of uninterrupted time. turn off the tv... don't use food as punishment/reward - use timeouts (one min for each year) sparingly. stop labeling with the gender stuff. he is a little person that needs to learn the right way to act and needs love - approach him that way rather than an odd creature in your care.

    Answer by figaro8895 at 1:02 PM on Jun. 12, 2010

  • he gets enough attention hes the only kid in the house!!!!!!!! he goes in time out for 3 min!!!!! no longer

    Answer by kris8525 at 3:21 PM on Jun. 12, 2010

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