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coping with miscarriage...

I miscarried a few days ago at 5 1/2 weeks.. i am completely devastated .. i have 2 boys already and i am sick of people telling me that this is for the better bc the baby would be sick or you can try again... i know that im lucky ( if u can even call it that) because it happened earlier than later..( im also tired of hearing that too) but none of this makes me feel better..any advice

 
zperez0809

Asked by zperez0809 at 12:57 PM on Jun. 12, 2010 in Relationships

Level 18 (6,295 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (10)
  • I've been there. It got to the point that when people would tell me "it happened for a reason" "the baby would have been sick" "feel lucky you already have one healthy child" I would just tell them to shove it and once they've felt the pain of losing one, then they can tell me all that.
    I'm so sorry for what you're going through.
    Spending time w/my daughter helped during the worst of the times. She was only a baby at the time, but it helped to just hold her.
    Kiwismommy19

    Answer by Kiwismommy19 at 1:17 PM on Jun. 12, 2010

  • First of all I am sorry for your loss,, I have had several miscarriages,, and nothing anyone can say,, makes it better, plus your hormones are going nutty ! I just would try to look at the positive side,, your 2 kids at home,, it takes time to heal your heart,,and I promise it will get better,, just takes time! So sorry! :(
    kimigogo

    Answer by kimigogo at 1:00 PM on Jun. 12, 2010

  • I am sorry for your loss.
    But if this makes you feel any better at least you sil didn't tell you that you didn't deserve another kid anyways.
    I was told that by my sil last year when I lost a baby at 12 weeks.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:31 PM on Jun. 12, 2010

  • anon 31, sorry if this sounds rude, but your SIL sounds like a real bitch. I gotta say, I probably would have hit her.
    Kiwismommy19

    Answer by Kiwismommy19 at 1:32 PM on Jun. 12, 2010

  • Thats was the nicest part she said. I would have but she sent all of this over a message on myspace. I didn't do anything about it and she has what she deserved. A year later I am now pregnant again and she has took off and left her husband and two children.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:38 PM on Jun. 12, 2010

  • Not that the boys deserved this just that everyone can finally see she wasn't as perfect as they thought she was./
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:39 PM on Jun. 12, 2010

  • I miscarriaged at 10 weeks in 1997, It was horrible. I cried, n cried for months. I would not accept that it was better, cause I would of loved to have Nathaniel. He was due in June of 1998. But lo n behold, the Lord allowed me to get pregnant the month Nathaniel would of been born, he was our 7th child. So I look at our 11 year son now and still I would of wanted them both!! The children and I made up a photo album with cards people sent us. Our 15 yr son wrote what happened and what he did to call 911. husband wrote a note. The other children drew lots of pictures of Nathaniel in heaven and pretending he was here with us. It did help with the healing process.We also put an obituary in the local paper and a birth announcement. I explained how real these little ones are and I got to see it. I explained that each baby starts out as a seed and blossoms into a beautiful baby. (ie. flower seed) And put the baby name in the ad also
    gramama4

    Answer by gramama4 at 2:07 PM on Jun. 12, 2010

  • I am so sorry for your loss with tears in my eye's. I have had 2. Nothing anybody can say will or can make it better. This will take time. I always think of the 2 that I lost, and it will get better but you never forget. I think people just do not know what to say and they do say stupid things. As you posted everybody told me the same things. I do now have a 2.5 daughter who is the light of my life. I think she might be my only one because I can not take another one. NO matter how far along you are it still hurts. I send you much love,support and most of all lots of HUGS!!!!!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:15 PM on Jun. 12, 2010

  • I am so sorry for your loss. I hate that people say it's for the best. or to be grateful that you have children, etc, etc, etc. I have had three miscarriages, and two ectopics. I created a little alter for my angel babies. I believe that you have to grieve. This was a life to you. a child. It's ok to go thru the grief process. It's compounded by your hormones. You can even experience PPD. Lots of hugs to you. I hope that you have a swift recovery physically. Lastly, do things that make you feel good. If it's going for walks, playing with your boys, window shopping, watching movies that make you cry, dates with DH, girls night, pedicures. Whatever. treat yourself. You deserve it.
    tomib

    Answer by tomib at 12:22 AM on Jun. 13, 2010

  • i just want to thank everyone for all their advice and helping me know that im not alone in this ..and anon ur sil is a horrible person to even say that to u i wouldve gone insane if someone said that to me ...but on that thanks again everyone god bless!
    zperez0809

    Answer by zperez0809 at 8:13 AM on Jun. 13, 2010

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