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Marriage Question

I am married but so unhappy.I am not in love with my dh.He knows how I feel.We havent kissed in years.Seriously.I dont say I love you and I havent slept in the same bed in years.He tells me he loves me and blames it all on my anxiety/panic attacks and depression.But I am not in love with him.I told him I want a divorce but he doesnt want to.I want a chance to be happy.Yes there are of course kids invloved but is it right to stay in an unhappy marriage b/c you have kids??I mean that isnt fair to them b/c I am always depressed and not happy and theres a lot of stress.What would you do?No to counseling b/c when I did suggest it years ago he didnt want to do it and said he is happy and since I am the one who isnt that I should just go.Oh we do have sex but its once every 3 months.Thanks.Please donot bash me.I am stressed enough and looking for advice not a witch hunt.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 5:36 PM on Jun. 12, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (19)
  • Id go to a counselor and talk things out then Id file for legal seperation or divorce.

    If I wasnt happy, I wouldnt stick around for the sake of the kids, they will be better off with a happy mother not a miserable one.
    You can file for divorce or legal seperation, you dont have to wait for your hubby to ok it.
    Amaranth361

    Answer by Amaranth361 at 5:40 PM on Jun. 12, 2010

  • Life is too short to be unhappy. If you are unhappy BECAUSE OF YOUR MARRIAGE, end it. If you are depressed and blaming it on your marriage, you may want to seek counseling yourself. And I definitely think your husband should agree to couples counseling. One happy person does not a happy marriage make.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:40 PM on Jun. 12, 2010

  • Maybe going to counciling alone isnt a bad idea? It may help you see the relationship differently and be able to talk to someone to see what is really going on, if anything. If that doesnt help then being unhappy in a relationship is not healthy for you r your kids. Its better to get out once you tried everyting you could to make it better. If you have sex with him then there must be some attraction or you wouldnt even want him touching you. I suggest counciling for yourself and see where that takes you. Good luck.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:42 PM on Jun. 12, 2010

  • I wouldn't live like that but it's just me. I'd bail and find my happiness. I don't believe you can be a good role model for the kids if you are miserable. Even if you try to hide it, they pick up on the sadness and they think it's bc of them. Tell him you want a break. See if you can go stay with friends or family or find a roommate or something to get out and make sure of what you want. You deserve that. You may find out you want to be married to the man. Who knows until you get the chance to find out what it's like without him?
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 5:51 PM on Jun. 12, 2010

  • So what your saying is you haven kissed your hubby in years but you have sex ever 3 months or so?! I think you are just looking for a war here so what is the real shit that you want to talk about. For some reason i think I smell TROLL HERE.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:01 PM on Jun. 12, 2010

  • you dont kiss but have sex? id go to counseling. Maby you are depressed and are blaming it on your marriage. go to counciling alone, it helped me see that it wasn't my husband that was making me unhappy, it was myself. Once I realized that I had the issues our marriage got better.
    lovmyhubby

    Answer by lovmyhubby at 6:10 PM on Jun. 12, 2010

  • W/e!!!! No I dont kiss him And yes have sex every once in a while only b/c I feel i have to.But I think of him as someone else.I am not a troll lady I am looking for advice.I am very confused about everything.I know I dont love him or want to be with him but I am scared to be on my own also.He has known for years how I feel.He moved out for a while to take care of his dad and I loved it.I enjoyed having the space and not the stress.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:32 PM on Jun. 12, 2010

  • This is why I am not stating who I am.I am asking for real advice and if you dont have it to give please go somewhere else! I dont need anyones crap right now.Thank-you to the ladies who have offered their advice.You guys are great!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:34 PM on Jun. 12, 2010

  • I have sex all the time and SO and I don't kiss. A mouth is a germy place!
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 6:46 PM on Jun. 12, 2010

  • I feel like a horrible person for the way I feel but I have tried to fall in love with him and I just dont feel it.I married him for other reasons not love and i made a mistake.I have tried over the years.I cant force something that isnt there.As far as sex well I do still get the urge for sex once in a while.Would it be better if I went outside the marriage for it???? You cant tell me every guy you ever had sex with you were in love with.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:51 PM on Jun. 12, 2010

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