Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Does he have me on anything illegal?

My son's father left 3 weeks ago for a week & then came back. I thought he was gone for good. I was on the rebound & had sex w/ his friend...I know, bad idea. But now he's out to ruin my life. He's hit me & bruised my ribs. But whenever I say I don't want him, he throws legal crap in my face. I tell him that if we break up that I won't keep our son from him, but he always threatens to call DHR or take me to court.

1.I started having anal sex in my bedroom, but 2 yr old son was asleep. He didnt wake up & we were only in there for less than 10 mins. I know we didnt need to be there.
2.I hid a bottle of vodka in my son's closet. He never goes in there, but he was in there w/ his dad and they found it. I didn't want him drinking while watching my son. Bad idea for hiding it in there. My bad.

My ex doesn't work. Everything is in my name & I pay for everything.

Should I worry if we go to court? What should i do?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 2:42 AM on Jun. 13, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (11)
  • OP: He also says that we are in a common law marriage under the state of Alabama & I cannot kick him out of the apartment. He keeps threatening to take me to court. I'm so stressed out. If I stay w/ him, I'm tortured. If I try to leave, I'm tortured. I don't want to go to court...I'm just tired of him trying to ruin my life. I know I've made mistakes, but he's made plenty. He had sex w/ a 16 year old girl while I was pregnant & he was 28 at the time. I'm tired of the mental torture & stress & hatefulness. I JUST WANT TO ESCAPE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:44 AM on Jun. 13, 2010

  • is this for real? Ugggg!

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:45 AM on Jun. 13, 2010

  • I don't think you'll have anything to worry about if you go to court - he can try to throw those things in your face but the fact is is that your son is safe and healthy and that is all the court is going to care about. He can make accusations and child services can do an investigation but it will not reflect badly on you unless they find something that would make them think you aren't taking proper care of your son. From the sounds of it you learned your lesson about hiding liqour in your son's closet and having sex with him in the room and I'm assuming you don't intend to do either again so there isn't much he can do if you go to court. As for the common law stuff I'm not sure because my state doesn't recognize common law marriages; is his name anywhere on the lease? Where I live the only way you wouldn't be able to kick him out is if his name is on the lease too. Check with the clerks office at the courthouse about that.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:52 AM on Jun. 13, 2010

  • OP: This is very serious. I have learned my lesson. I just want to be free from him. He is crazy and paranoid and evil and hateful. He wants me to feel guilty for the rest of my life. I can't be with him.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:56 AM on Jun. 13, 2010

  • i dont think you have anything to worry about.I wouldnt be scared of him at allLik ea PP said all that matters is that your child is safe and well taken care of.

    p.s. i also live in Alabama

    Answer by lhernandez7208 at 3:35 AM on Jun. 13, 2010

  • I agree that I don't think you have anything to worry about, like stated above the worst that can happen with your child is an investigation from child services but as long as he is well cared for and healthy then there is nothing to worry about, though it will be stressful.

    The longer you stay with him the worse and harder it will get, and the more likely hood that you can come under investigation by Cps for having an abusive home...especially if he begins to hit your son when he is older.

    I was in an extremely abusive relationship where I had my son, at the beginning it was great and then it slowly got worse until a little while after my son was born and he began threatening to kill me(especially if I left) broke everything in the house, the windshield of my car and ended up raping me when I attempted to leave(my son was with my mother at the time).

    Everything else can be figured out later after you get out

    Answer by tntmom1027 at 4:44 AM on Jun. 13, 2010

  • He has nothing on you.. The court will not give your child to someone with no job or a place of his own.. He is telling that to keep you afraid and to have control over you..
    As for the anal sex and the vodka? He would have to prove it wouldn't he? Don't worry about it..
    There is more to common law marriage than just living together.. Are you using the same last name? Do you call him your husband publicly? Do you file joint tax returns?
    Call the police, tell them it is your house.. Ask them if you can kick him out..
    Dump the bastard..

    Answer by Ren_Ren at 8:01 AM on Jun. 13, 2010

  • Don't know where in Alabama you are but here they will be able to answer all the ?'s you have & help you leave in a way that's safe for you. you need to leave before he tries to kill you but telling him you're leaving may get you killed. Sometimes the best way is just to leave. Talk to someone about making a saftey plan, where you can go & what you can do. It's going to be a long, painful road start walking! Legally he has nothing on you, CPS won't care, its not enough to open a case. In order to leave all of your secrets may get exposed in court, start developing thick skin now & realize he sees you as his possession & not as a person. GL!

    Answer by Nyx7 at 8:05 AM on Jun. 13, 2010

  • The courts don't know you or him. This is all he say/she say. If there is anything that could cause harm to his son and he feels that it should be looked into the courts with take his side. There has been to many incidents with children getting hurt either from parents bad or reckless behavior or sitters. IT is a very serious thing and if your son is old enough to talk they will have someone speak to him privately and find out whats really going on. This isn't rude or ment to be but most women make it clear its the man fault and we don't get the whole story so I am just letting you know what will happen in the event you go to court. I grew up in foster care and I know the question asked my brother was only 3 when they asked him question just FYI

    Answer by Claudiomom at 9:09 AM on Jun. 13, 2010

  • Check the common-law marriage laws, I don't think he's got it right. He may think that just because you live together and have a child that that constitutes a common-law marriage. It goes by years of living together as a married couple, I believe. As for the vodka, way to go, but he has to prove it, and he doesn't sound like a stand up guy. Don't do stupid shit like that again. Is his name Mike C? He sounds like my ex. Anywho... he's the classic mentally abusive asshole. He is trying to scare you. Be smart and do not listen to it. If you are scared, do some research. Legal research, not just on here. So you have something to throw in his face. Or, just so you know for yourself. Kick his ass out, and let him call DHR on you. Let him try to take you to court. Once DHR gets him nowhere, he will drop it. If you still have bruises, document them, go to the hospital, and file a police report.

    Answer by Raine2001 at 10:25 AM on Jun. 13, 2010

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.